Going down
by M. F. LuderPart one
They stand outside of the Crab Shack, Seth, Donnie and him. Ryan sighs, shifts, and glances at Seth. "You sure you don't want to uh--"
Ryan knows Seth's answer before he says it himself. "No. No. Just--"
Seth wants him to go with Donnie, to go out, to enjoy the night. Ryan knows this. Still, for a moment, Ryan acknowledges that going alone with Donnie doesn't seem right. Going without Seth just doesn't seem right anymore.
He lets it go this time. "Alright."
Seth nods. "Ok, have fun."
Ryan waves at Seth, hand above his shoulder, making his way toward Donnie and the girls. Donnie introduces him to the girls. Shauna and Vicky. Ryan's smile is tight. He looks over his shoulder to find Seth.
Idiotic of him, really. Seth would have never said Yeah, sure, I'll go with you, because that's not Seth. Seth doesn't mind going back home though he obviously came all the way over here only to spend the rest of the afternoon with Ryan, to celebrate Ryan's new job. Ryan bites the inside of his cheek.
Donnie makes a comment and Ryan looks back at him. He nods, not having heard a thing.
Ryan looks back at Seth, who's standing with his back to them. Probably looking lost. Bored. Because Seth spent the whole day alone. A return to form, like Seth said.
Ryan wants to kick himself. Seth came here for him. Ryan turns to Donnie, to tell him he's leaving, to tell him that he actually had plans way before even meeting him, that he had promised to spend the afternoon with Seth.
"Donnie, man--"
Donnie smiles at him. One of the girls, the blond one, takes a step closer. She places her hand on Ryan's shoulder. His eyes shift from her hand to her face. She winks. "I gotta... There's..."
"Ryan, my boy, we've got plans," Donnie says with another smile. "You gotta come."
Ryan shakes his head, looking over his shoulder to catch Seth again. Seth has already taken off. It takes Ryan a moment to see Seth's silhouette, barely visible, ninety feet away from him. Ryan swallows. Seth left in his skateboard, alone.
Ryan sighs under his breath. Great.
"Come on," Donnie nudges him forward. "I know just the place to go."
Ryan takes another swig of his beer, Shauna, the dancer, the blond one, giggling by his side.
"That's so cool. I know people from Chino."
Sure you do, he wants to say. He nods, his smile tight once again. He checks his watch. It's past nine. They bought some beer, then headed to Vicky's place. She lives with her sister who won't be coming back tonight. It's the perfect place for two guys with a girl each, but Ryan doesn't feel like it.
He can't help but think about Seth, standing there alone. He'd probably wasted the day away until it was six, so he could pick up Ryan and they could head out somewhere. Ryan hates himself.
"Donnie," Ryan says, leaning across the living room. One of Donnie's hands is on Vicky's breast, the other one on her ass. Shauna reaches out to Ryan, grasping at the edge of his shirt. Ryan looks at her before calling Donnie's attention once again. "Donnie, listen. I gotta--"
Donnie stops making out with Vicky for a second, long enough to give Ryan an I'm busy here, bro look that Ryan recognizes. He doesn't care.
"I gotta go. There's this thing--"
Donnie shakes his head. "Dude, we're cool. The room is down the hall." He winks at him. "Go on. Have fun."
Ryan snorts. That's not it. Not by a long shot. "I gotta go. It's late."
"Dude, it's only nine." Donnie laughs, shaking his head. "The night is young, son. Go on." He jerks his head toward Shauna, who has started unbuttoning her blouse. She's wearing a pink bra.
Ryan swallows.
"Shauna seems to like you." He winks once again and goes back to kissing Vicky, laying her down on the couch.
Shauna grabs Ryan by his hand, pulling him back onto the cushions. She starts kissing his neck, making a trail down to his collarbone. Ryan closes his eyes, feeling himself respond to her, his pants getting tight.
Seth's a big boy.
And Ryan stops thinking about Seth when Shauna starts unbuttoning his pants. "Room," he mutters. He's not drunk enough to do her in the living room, with Donnie three feet away from them.
Shauna giggles, nodding before she stands. She leads the way as Ryan grins, Seth out of his mind.
Ryan walks into the kitchen, still groggy. He doesn't remember the exact time he came home. He thinks it was about midnight, maybe one. There's a vague image of Shauna's pink bra and matching panties, of Donnie grunting in the living room.
Seth says nothing as Ryan takes his seat by Seth's side. That's the first indication that Seth's pissed off. Ryan looks at Seth sideways as he reaches for the Captain Crunch, eating it right out of the box.
Seth sneaks a quick glance at Ryan and looks back down. Ryan notices and tries not to frown. Seth's too quiet for eight in the morning. Seth's too quiet for any time of the day.
"What are you reading?" It's weird how Ryan is the first one to speak. He's certain this is the first time it's happened.
"The new Legion came out Wednesday. Part two out of five."
Seth's voice is subdued and low, two things it has never been before. That's the second indication.
Ryan starts eating the cereal out of the box. "I liked part one."
"Yeah, I'll let you borrow it when I'm done."
Seth's words, though not meant to be hurtful, still are. Ryan's certain this is the first time Seth has ever spoken to him with a measure of disdain. For a moment, Ryan can see the difference between them. He can see Newport and Chino carved on their foreheads, telling them apart. He hates it.
Seth didn't even look at Ryan when he spoke to him.
Ryan forces down a handful of chewed-up cereal and he can almost taste bile. He gazes at Seth from the corner of his eyes, mumbling, "Thanks."
Looking down at the box, Ryan takes another handful of cereal as Seth speaks. "How was last night?"
Ryan knows Seth enough to recognize the tone, the lack of sincerity in his question. Seth doesn't want to know, he only wants to look like he does.
Ryan wonders why Seth is resentful. He knows he shouldn't have stayed out so late. He had even planned on returning home early and playing Nintendo for a while with Seth, but things got out of hand. It's nothing unusual.
"Fun," Ryan says, with the same lack of interest Seth is showing.
Maybe it's just because Seth feels left out. Ryan should have seen this one coming because, up until Ryan came along, Seth had always been alone. Ryan changed that. Now, however, with his job and Donnie in the picture, Seth will be on his own once again. Ryan hates doing this to Seth.
"Huh, that's cool that, you know," Seth looks up, barely meeting his eyes before looking down once again, "you met someone from where you're from, you know, it's just cool."
It's anything but cool. Ryan acts like it doesn't matter. He's never seen Seth this way and Ryan isn't sure that he likes this Seth. He tells himself he shouldn't give much thought to Seth's recent behavior and that it's not something to worry about.
Then, as Ryan is debating on saying something, Seth flips close the comic book and slides it toward him. Ryan looks down at the comic and then up at Seth, who's now going through a copy of Justice League.
Ryan knows Seth hasn't finished reading the comic but gave it to him anyway. He swallows. That's the Seth he knows. Not saying anything, Ryan opens it. Out of the corner of his eyes, Ryan stares plaintively at Seth for a moment before looking back down.
"When I asked you to hang out, I was asking you out."
Marissa smiles, nodding. "I know."
Ryan can't help but grin. She's wearing her bikini and smiling at him. Maybe things won't be so difficult after all. "I just wanted to clear that up, because I'm going to ask you out again. You want to do something tonight?"
She tilts her head, looking like she's considering it for a moment. It doesn't take her long to answer. "Well, I have to baby-sit for Caitlin..."
Ryan recognizes a let down when he hears one.
"--but I will be cooking, Macaroni and Cheese. It's my specialty."
An invitation. He takes it. "So that's a yes."
She chuckles, ducking her head to the side before nodding.
Very girly of her. "Alright." After all, it wasn't that hard. He gives her a small grin and makes his way to the Crab Shack.
Ryan watches Seth entering the Crab Shack from the corner of his eye as he's cleaning a table. He feels the corners of his lips twitching upward.
It's somewhat stupid really, to be relieved that Seth has forgotten whatever it was that was bothering him and decided to join Ryan at work.
It's stupid, but Ryan can't help but feel it.
"Hey."
Ryan nods in Seth's direction. "Hey."
"How do you feel, about a little thing that I like to call..."
Ryan looks in Seth direction, biting the desire to shake his head. He can almost hear the words as he makes his way behind the counter.
"...the IMAX experience?"
Seth is waving the yellow tickets in front of him. He gives Seth a small smile.
"This town sucks, it's the best I can do."
He hates to have to do this because Seth has already bought the tickets and he's back to his babbling self after whatever happened this morning -- after their small fight.
No that there really was a fight, but for Ryan, Seth's silence felt like a declaration of war.
"Ah... I can't." he says, placing glasses on the tray.
Ryan likes this, the camaraderie he has with Seth. He likes this Seth. He likes him enough to considering canceling on Marissa, but pushes the thought away.
"I'm hanging out with Marissa tonight."
Seth nods appreciatively. "So we'll get a third ticket. I really don't think it's going to be sold out."
"Well, she's got her sister." Ryan places the remaining plates on the tray.
"Fine, 4 tickets then. I like Caitlin, she's nice, and she's smart for a fifth grader."
Ryan can't seem to get one right tonight.
"Actually, I was gonna go over there," Ryan says, making his way into the kitchen with the tray in his hands. He tries not to remember that this is the second time he has to tell Seth no. “Help her baby-sit."
"Oh, to baby-sit."
Seth sounds so proud of Ryan's small accomplishment, the corners of his lips twitch upward in a ghost of a smile. "I see, stepping' up, taking it to the next level. I can respect that."
Ryan would rather go home and forget how difficult it is to get together with Marissa, but he has already asked her out, and canceling would look bad.
"Yeah, well." He turns around, "Donnie, I'm gonna head out in a minute."
"Alright, man." Donnie places a couple of bills into Ryan's hand and he nods. "I can't believe we survived this shift. I was so hung over, man."
Ryan remembers Donnie drank a lot more than he did, so for him it really wasn't so bad. He folds the bills and places them in his back pocket.
"What are you going to do now?"
"Ah, I got plans."
Donnie nods, smiling appreciatively. "All right, man."
Ryan walks out of the counter and toward one of the tables. He still has to finish up.
He hears Seth talking with Donnie, mentioning the IMAX. He can guess Donnie's harsh reply before the words are heard. He grimaces when he picks up Donnie's tone. There's nothing wrong with Seth's movie preference. There's nothing wrong with Seth, period. Seth's the only person Ryan knows that he looks forward to spending time with. Including Marissa.
Ryan shakes the thought out of his head. Marissa's a hot girl, and Ryan knows he can make it work. If Marissa wants it to.
The words house party in long beach and crazy honeys catch Ryan's ear. He doesn't pay attention until he hears Donnie asking Seth if he wants to come. Ryan lets go of the salt and pepper shakers. He frowns as he looks over his shoulder in Seth's direction. The frown turns into an incredulous look.
Seth can't be saying yes to Donnie. Seth can't be agreeing to go with him. At the same time Ryan realizes how stupid it is of him to believe Seth will turn down an invitation like that.
His jaw clenches. Anger builds along his neck, anger he thinks is directed at Donnie. Ryan walks toward them.
"Ah... is that-- is that cool?"
Ryan recognizes the surprise in Seth's voice. The surprise, for Seth, is that someone like Donnie invited someone like him. Ryan hates Seth's self-deprecation.
Donnie extends his fisted hand in agreement. It takes Seth a moment to answer, to close his own hand in a fist and bump his knuckles against Donnie's. The action doesn't become Seth.
Ryan remembers the parties in Long Beach. Trey liked to party there, with friends he met somewhere. Ryan got two black eyes and a broken rib there once.
Seth can't go there.
"I do enjoy the crazy honeys," Seth says as Ryan slips behind the counter.
Ryan won't let him.
He places two dirty glasses on another tray. "You're not going," Ryan says, head cocked to the side, his voice stern. He wants to get the message across.
Seth chuckles, shaking his head. "Ok mom, except I am."
Ryan lets the comment slide. He doesn't want to picture Seth there, where Ryan won't be able to keep an eye on him. There's no easy way to explain what exactly happens in parties like this one. "It's kind of a shady neighborhood." Ryan wishes he didn't have to explain and Seth would just get the message. "It's pretty hard-core up there."
"Dude, it's Long Beach, not Chechnya."
Seth is talking like it's stupid paranoia that's making Ryan do this. Only, it's not. Seth just doesn't get it. "Seth, guys like Donnie... you don't exactly know them and they don't exactly know," Ryan chooses his words carefully, "kids like you."
Ryan stares at Seth for a moment. He won't spell it and he won't say it again. That's the only way he knows how to say, A fight always breaks out. People are always too high or drunk. People get raped, or shot. Stabbed with a kitchen knife coming from God knows where.
Those are the parties in Long Beach -- Ryan knows.
"So I shouldn't wear my ascot and talk about Grey Poupon?"
For Ryan, it's not funny. "How are you gonna get there?"
"I've got my mom's Range Rover."
Ryan stares at him as he bites down a snort.
"What?"
Seth's question is stupid. He lets out a frustrated sigh as he turns his head to the side. Seth is just not fucking getting it.
"I'll park it up the street."
That's not the answer and Ryan knows it. Seth must really want to go if he's fighting this hard.
"What? Look, man, Donnie's a good guy, right?"
Not really.
"He's cool, right?"
Depending on the definition.
"So, then maybe, this way we can all be friends. We can all hang out."
Ryan lowers his gaze to the counter. He finally gets why Seth wants to be friends with Donnie so much. Ryan appreciates the sentiment, he really does, but he'd rather have Seth safe and sound playing The Gathering in the den.
He hears Donnie coming out of the kitchen.
"Boys, game or what?"
"Yeah," Seth says, nodding.
Ryan sighs. He doesn't want to go to this party, but he won't let Seth go alone. He casts Seth a sideways glance. "We'll go for one hour."
Grinning, Seth nods. He's excited about going to the party. Seth's exuberance is infectious and Ryan can only smile. No, he isn't indulging Seth. No, he doesn't think Seth is safer with him. No, he isn't worried about him, because that's not something he does. Really, he isn't.
"Dude, you sure this is the place?"
Ryan nods, eyeing the house. The house seems familiar, like maybe he came here with Trey a long time ago. He probably didn't, but most houses in Long Beach, the houses Trey frequented anyway, look the same as this one. There are cans of beer on the front yard, people coming and going. Ryan turns to look at Seth. "Keep on driving."
"I think around the corner would be just fine," Seth nods, driving slowly. He grins at Ryan. "It's not like--"
Ryan knows what Seth wants Seth will get.
It's not like something can happen. It's not like they'll steal the car. Or the blinkers, or the side mirrors, or the hubcaps. They certainly wouldn't steal the bumper or the hood. Except, Ryan has seen it before. He remembers this guy who could take apart a whole car in less then five minutes. Arturo could pick a side mirror as he passes by on his bike, barely even slowing his pace. So no, he won't risk it.
"Two more blocks."
"Dude." Seth's whining goes unattended by Ryan because he doesn't care how Seth feels about this. Seth doesn't know this place.
Two blocks down, Seth comes down to a full stop. Ryan wonders for a moment if another block would be better.
Seth shakes his head as he catches Ryan's doubtful look. "No, dude. It's fine. It's more than fine. We're cool, really."
Ryan considers it for a moment before climbing out of the car. Seth activates the alarm as they walk away and Ryan looks over his shoulder at the back of the Range Rover. He hopes the car stays in one piece.
"So, do you know this guy?"
Ryan frowns at Seth's question. "Who?"
"The owner of the house."
Ryan shakes his head. This isn't like Newport, you don't have to know the owner of the house to crash the party.
"Oh." Seth nods, hands in his pockets. "Cool."
Ryan lets out a soft sigh under his breath as he walks through the low fence and inside the property. He has a bad feeling about this.
He walks straight over to the back yard, Seth following closely behind. Two girls are leaving, and Ryan walks sideways to let them pass. One of them, a girl in a tight white shirt and tighter jeans, gives him a meaningful look and when he looks over his shoulder at Seth, the same girl fingers his shirt.
Ryan glares at her.
He turns, looking around warily, pushing away the feeling of familiarity with the place. There was a time when he'd go to parties like this two or three times a week. There was a time when he had enjoyed it.
Ryan stops when he reaches a white plastic table, staring up at long legs and a pierced belly button he recognizes. Shauna takes off her red shirt and starts spinning it around in one hand, standing only in her black bra.
"She really is a dancer."
Ryan looks over his shoulder at Seth. He's staring at her, agape, and Ryan feels his jaw tightening. Shauna unbuttons her skirt, standing there only in her pink panties and black bra. Apparently, she owns at least two pairs of pink panties. Ryan wonders if she'll take the remaining clothing off. It didn't take her long last night to end up naked.
"Yo, Chino!" Ryan turns to his left. Donnie is standing by a keg of beer, a red paper cup in his hands. "I want you to meet some of my boys."
Ryan heads over, making sure that Seth is following him. "We've got 45 minutes."
Seth nods numbly, eyes still fixed on Shauna. "Yeah, we should see if she wants to go back to the pool house."
Ryan grimaces, almost shaking his head. "Don't say pool house."
Don't say pool house. Don't give these guys any ammo. Don't get in trouble. Don't get hit, or punched. Don't talk to anyone. Don't do anything. Better yet, let's leave and go back home.
They join Donnie, who introduces them to two of his friends. Ryan doesn't catch the names, and he doesn't care.
"You want some?"
Ryan looks down at Donnie's hand. Pills. Two red, one blue. He shakes his head. This was a bad idea.
Seth leans over to look at what's being offered and Ryan nudges Seth. Seth turns around, focusing on him.
"Let's go inside," Ryan says, and starts walking toward the house. Seth frowns for a moment before following suit.
Ryan swallows thickly, his fingers itching for a smoke. He didn't bring a pack -- still trying quit -- and that frustrates him. He can't help it. Coming here was a bad idea. Coming here with Seth was a worse one.
"Dude, was that …?"
Ryan nods before Seth finishes the sentence.
"Wow. That. Wow. Dude, how did he …?"
People like Donnie always know people. Hell, Ryan knows some of the right people. Trey didn't like to party without something to get him into it.
"Want a drink?" He doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He wants to let the next forty minutes pass and then head back home. To his date with Marissa.
Ryan wonders why he doesn't feel anything when he thinks about her.
"Sure. Where's the bar?"
"What do you want?" Ryan looks at Seth as the brunette thinks about it.
"Like, I don't know. Anything."
Ryan nods, turning around, eyeing the place for a moment. He sees a bottle of Vodka standing on a table on the other side of the room and walks toward it. He picks it up. It takes him longer to find cups that are clean.
He fills Seth's with an inch of vodka. His, one third full. There's orange juice in the fridge, so screwdrivers it is, for the both of them. Ryan leaves the bottle of Vodka on the counter. He walks back to Seth, handing him the cup.
"Dude. This is... Great."
Ryan's lips curl upwards. He takes a sip of his own, feeling the Vodka burn down his throat.
Shauna walks across the room, her friend, Ryan thinks her name is Vicky, by her side. He frowns. He doesn't want to talk with her. Not tonight. Probably not ever.
"So," Seth starts, taking a sip of his drink, "you went out with her last night, right?"
Ryan doesn't need to guess who he's talking about. He shrugs.
"Dude," Seth turns a little to his left, eyeing her as she moves. Seth leans closer into Ryan and Ryan frowns. "What happened?"
Ryan stares at him. "Seth."
"What?" Seth looks at him expectantly, taking another sip. "It's a valid question, you know? Like, totally valid. Coz, really, you're a ladies man, dude. You, not me." Seth nods enthusiastically. "You so have to teach me the ropes."
"There are no ropes, Seth." Ryan snorts under his breath. There's nothing to teach. It's all about how you treat them, and look at them. And just how much they want to do with you.
Out of instinct, or habit, or whatever, Ryan looks over his shoulder to where he last saw Shauna. She's talking with Vicky and a couple of guys. With Ryan's luck, or lack thereof, she turns around to look in his direction. She catches his eye, giving him a sultry smile. Ryan nods. She winks at him before turning back to her friend.
Ryan sighs. Just what he wanted. "Let's go outside."
Seth frowns, turning to look at Shauna. But Ryan grabs Seth's arm before he completely turns around.
"No."
"Ryan."
Ryan shakes his head. He looks down at his hand, still gripping Seth's forearm, and lets go in a split second, as if his fingers were burning. He doesn't ponder too long on the possibility that they actually were, that his hand had been branded by Seth's fiery arm.
He swallows like he still needs that cigarette, his hand clenching into a fist.
"Let's go outside," he repeats. And this time, Seth nods.
Ryan nods to himself before turning around and walking out.
"You have to introduce us," Seth says, looking over his shoulder at Shauna.
Ryan wants to hit him on the arm. Or on the head. "No."
Walking out to the backyard, Ryan leans against the sidewall and closes his eyes for a moment. The music is loud and the smell of pot reaches his nostrils. He remembers a time when this was the best there was. Now, Ryan knows there's something even better than this.
"Dude."
He turns onto his side, lethargic eyelids peeling open. He gazes into the deep brown that reminds him of nicotine. Of a fix. Brown eyes as addictive as cigarettes themselves. Ryan swallows thickly once again, bringing his cup to his lips. He takes a long sip.
Better is staring right back at him.
He closes his eyes again for a moment to get his bearings.
"Dude, you okay?"
Ryan nods before opening his eyes and fixing them on Seth. His fingers still itching for that smoke. "Yeah, sure."
"Because, like, you don't loo--"
Ryan knows what Seth wants to say. He doesn't want to hear it. "I'm fine."
The words come out a harsher than intended. Seth nods, instantly backing off.
Ryan sighs. This isn't what he expected of the night. He was supposed to go to Marissa's, have Mac n' Cheese, and probably kiss her. Only, the exact opposite has happened.
And at the moment, Ryan wonders if he even wants Marissa.
"Look, I'm sorry. I just..." Ryan sighs once again, pushing himself off the wall and sliding closer to Seth. He wants to reach out to him. Ryan bites the inside of his cheek and stops himself before taking another step.
His hand falls down to his side.
"Dude, it's cool." Seth nods, shrugging as he does so. "I know you didn't want to come here and you've got Marissa waiting for you..."
"It's not about her."
It really isn't. If anything, it's about it not being about her. And that thought alone is more like Seth than anything Ryan knows. His breath quickens and Ryan tells himself to think about Marissa, how it would feel to kiss her, to finally be with her. He thinks about Marissa. He doesn't want to think about Seth.
"I mean, like, you just went out with that girl last night and--"
"I didn't go out with her," Ryan says, looking sideways at Seth, taking another drink of his cup.
Seth frowns. "What do you mean? Dude, you told me--"
"We didn't go out," he repeats, looking straight into Seth's eyes. He bites his lower lip for good measure.
It takes Seth a moment to understand the double meaning and Ryan sees it the second he does. Seth's eyes widen, his lips pursing into a line. "Oh, dude, I see. Sure. I get it." After a moment, he frowns. "But, like, I thought you liked Marissa."
Ryan says nothing. One thing has nothing to do with the other. At least not now.
Seth looks at Ryan for a moment before shrugging, "But, yeah, you know. It's not like you're dating or something, right? So, yeah, cool."
"Hey."
Ryan looks over his shoulder and finds Shauna leaning over to kiss him. He turns his head to the side and she ends up kissing him on the cheek.
"Hi," Ryan mumbles, looking down at his drink.
"I thought I'd see you here." She smiles, placing her hand on Ryan's shoulder.
Ryan gazes down at her hand and then back up. She smiles once again. Ryan bites back the desire to glare.
"And," she says, turning around to look at Seth, "who is your handsome friend?"
Seth chuckles nervously at the compliment, ducking his head slightly, a grin plastered on his lips. "Hi."
Ryan grumbles, "Seth, Shauna. Shauna, Seth." There. Done. He had introduced them. Now Seth can go out with her if he wants to. He can go fu... Ryan bites the inside of his cheek.
"Hi," Shauna says, tilting her head to the side, batting her eyelashes at Seth. "This is my friend, Vicky."
Vicky closes the distance between her and Seth. Her lips curl upwards as she stares into his eyes for a moment. Vicky couldn't be hitting on Seth more forcefully even if she were hitting him with a 2X4.
Ryan's jaw tightens.
Seth grins, nodding enthusiastically, barely able to murmur a greeting, like he had never seen a woman before.
Ryan's hand clenches at his side, nails digging into his palm. He turns away, not wanting to see Seth drooling all over that whore. A whore, really, because she was about to do Donnie in the freaking living room with Ryan sitting three feet away from them.
The word whore keeps running through his mind as he finishes his drink in one long gulp. His hand relaxes a fraction.
"I was hoping you'd call me," Shauna says, her hand reaching for his ear.
Ryan moves away from her. He can't stand her touching him. He looks over at Seth, who's trying his best to form two words without stuttering like an idiot. The awkwardness, coming from Seth, is quite endearing.
Ryan bites the inside of his cheek once again. He has to stop doing this. This... thing. He shakes his head, remembering that Marissa is waiting for him. Marissa. A girl. He knows how to treat girls. He knows how to kiss girls. He knows how to be with a girl.
He nods inwardly. Girls are safe, and easy. They are soft and have curves he knows how to touch, how to caress. Girls he knows how to kiss. Girls he knows he likes. Girls he enjoys being with. Except, Ryan looks at Seth from the corner of his eye, teeth closing forcefully on the tender flesh inside of his mouth, he likes being with Seth. He really does. More than he likes being with Marissa.
He shakes his head once again. No, it's stupid of him. No. He has to focus on girls, and Marissa, and breasts and soft curves. Girls.
Ryan pushes away from Shauna, whose hand comes down to his elbow and tries to hold him still. "I gotta--" He ducks his head, walking toward the house.
He pauses to find Seth, who catches his eyes, frowning. Ryan bites the desire to smile at him, to beckon him close. He jerks his head toward the house, signals the brunette over with his hand, and starts to walk again.
Seth nods as Ryan turns around and walks back to the house. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Shauna leaning toward Seth, whispering into his ear.
Ryan starts cracking his knuckles for lack of a better thing to do. The inside of his cheek is starting to hurt. He doesn't want to give any thought to the reason behind all of this.
Stepping into the house, he reaches for the phone in the kitchen, next to the door he just came through. He dials the number, slowly making his way outside once again, just enough so that he can see Seth, who is still talking to the girls.
The call is quick and Ryan can hear frustration in Marissa's voice when he mentions the party. It doesn't help that Donnie is hovering over him, making comments that she can hear.
His eyes shift back to Seth. Shauna has her arm around Seth's shoulder. Vicky giggles beside him. Ryan feels his nostrils flaring.
"I just gotta get Seth away from, uh, this... dancer."
Or the other way around. Same thing.
For a moment there, Ryan considers canceling on Marissa and just going home with Seth. He presses his lips together and pushes the thought away. That's no way to treat a girl and he knows how to treat a girl. Seth is not a girl. Seth doesn't need him.
Ryan tells her he'll be there shortly, and to save him some Mac and Cheese. She agrees reluctantly and Ryan knows he'd better head over there soon.
He needs this, he needs to do this with Marissa -- go out with her. He knows it will bring back some sanity into him in case he goes insane, and he will if he feels any more of this hatred radiating from his body toward Shauna and Vicky.
Crossing the space between them, Ryan approaches Seth. He grabs Seth's arm, turning him around. "Seth, we gotta go."
"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa." Seth turns toward Shauna and Vicky. "Ah, one second." Seth takes two steps away from the girls. "Dude, listen. I am really connecting with this girl, 'kay? Check it out. She just moved her with her sister from Uzbekistan and they're saving for a condo, right? Nice. That hits right here."
Ryan frowns, tilting his head to the side as Seth pats his chest. He doesn't remember that much about Shauna, except that she bit his shoulder when she came.
"She does have a serious boyfriend, but you know what? She's looking into it."
Ryan's not in the mood for this kind of shit. Not from Seth, not about those bitches he wants to slam against the wall, and not when Marissa is pissed as hell at him for being late. She shouldn't be mad because of that. She should be furious because he's been thinking about Seth.
About doing something, to Seth, with Seth, Ryan tells himself he doesn't want to do. Ryan clenches his jaw, his lips pressed into a thin line, eyes boring into Seth.
It gets the message across. Seth nods, turning around. "Good luck with the condo."
Ryan doesn't say anything as he walks across the backyard and toward the fence. Their exit is halted by a bunch of guys on their way in, saying something about a car.
"--dimmed on a Range Rover. Dude, that car's messed up!"
Ryan frowns, turning around to look at Seth. Seth looks stricken for a moment. Then his mouth falls open, forming a large O. Ryan gulps. He can just imagine the sight of the car. The windshield and the rear window is probably smashed, the hood crashed, headlights broken, tires stolen.
He groans under his breath. Perfect. Reaching for Seth, who's still staring open-mouthed at the pack of guys now bragging about their so-called accomplishment, he urges, "Come on."
"Ryan, dude." Seth swallows, letting himself be dragged. "Do you, like... maybe it isn't--"
Ryan shakes his head. The chances that the car those guys talking about isn't theirs are too slim to even consider. They walk the two blocks without a word to each other.
To Ryan's surprise, the car it's not as trashed as he first imagined. The windshield and lights are broken, and the hood has been spray-painted, but the tires are still there.
Seth gasps when he catches sight of it, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so screwed."
Fucked would be a better word. Still, it's same principle. Ryan has to clench his hands to keep them from rubbing Seth's back.
"Give me the keys."
Seth just shakes his head. His groan muffled by his hands. "I'm so screwed. I won't get the car, like, ever again. I probably won't be able to leave my room."
"Seth. The keys."
"Dude, that's like... I'm sixteen! I can't be grounded until I'm thirty. Dude, I'm..."
Ryan snorts. Seth is too far gone, having his own version of a nervous breakdown. He probably isn't even listening. He takes a step closer to Seth, hand reaching into Seth's left pants pocket.
That gets Seth's attention.
Seth parts his hands in surprise, eyes widening as he stares at Ryan's face. Surprise looks good on Seth. Ryan bites back the grin threatening to appear on his lips.
"Dude, what are you... What the-- Like, do you... What exactly... "
Ryan chuckles. He likes it when Seth babbles. He stares into Seth's eyes and his breath catches in his throat. It's difficult to swallow.
He pulls away and takes a step behind. He feels like, suddenly, he needs to put space between them. "The car keys, Seth." He lifts his hand, keys dangling off his fingers. "Car keys."
"Oh, right." Seth ducks his head down but Ryan can still see the blush coloring his cheeks. "Yeah, sure. I knew that."
Ryan snorts. Like hell he did. Ryan walks over to the driver's side of the car. The door doesn't creak when he opens it. That's a good sign. The car's engine responds when the key is turned and Seth climbs in through the passenger's door. Ryan nods idly. At least they can drive back home.
"I'm sorry," Seth mumbles, ten minutes into the ride.
Ryan looks out his window before staring back at the road. It's not Seth's fault. He wants to say it's not anyone's fault, but he can't lie to himself. At least not about that. "It's okay."
"Will you--" Seth trails off. He picks at the lock of his seatbelt. "Do you think you can still make it to Marissa's?"
Ryan snorts. Like hell he'll go there. "No." Not after this, not after what happened tonight.
His eyebrows furrow slightly. Ryan doesn't know whether he's talking about the car or the party or his resolution to date girls and girls alone. Ryan never used to have to specify it like that.
"Dude, sorry."
Ryan doesn't say anything. He can feel Seth's eyes on him. He shrugs as he takes the last curve and drives past the gates into the community.