Look over here
by M. F. Luder
Part one: Look over here
Seth doesn't know how it started, or when it stopped. One day, suddenly, they weren't there anymore.
He does remember it was two days after Ryan came home. The only thing he remembered hearing in that time -- in between seeing a boy walk into the kitchen, hair all rumpled, surprise etched onto his face, and the morning Ryan and his mom walked in and she declared that there would be a new member in the family -- was when he heard Murray say, "He's here now. Goodie." After that, it was silence.
He doesn't know when they left. Seth had gotten used to that silence. And he doesn't know why they came back.
Seth sits at the table, head propped up in his palm, looking down at the book. It's History of the United States and Seth couldn't care less about it. It's long, tiresome and boring. Especially boring. So very boring. Still, there's a paper to get done by Friday and that's only two days away. He has to get it done today because Ryan usually has very light homework on Thursdays and that means playing Nintendo in the afternoon. He has to be free, and he will be, if it's the last thing he does.
Seth sighs, tilting his head and closing his eyes for a moment. His head starts to hurt. He lifts his eyes and stares at Ryan across the table.
Ryan's head is bent forward, focused on his notebook and physics paper. He taps his pencil against the edge of the table. Seth smiles. Ryan always does that when he's fighting his way through an exercise that doesn't want to be conquered easily.
After a moment, Ryan picks up the graphic calculator, Seth still hasn't figured out how to even add in that monstrous thing, and starts feeding it information. Oh, well, better if homework duty runs a little bit late because, as Seth sighs, he realizes he's not making any progress on this thing at all.
He misses the old times, easier times, when afternoons were filled with Nintendo and sailing, and things that they barely got to do now. It's sad, really, because--
"He's quite the clever little boy, isn't he?"
Seth looks up, throat tight because he recognizes that voice. It's been a while, but he doesn't think he could ever forget that voice.
"Isn't he?" Christopher smiles. Seth blinks, gaze shifting to Ryan, still focused on the exercise, and then back at Christopher. He never liked being called Chris. Christopher folds his arms, leaning back against the edge of the counter. He looks toward Ryan and the smile turns into a grin.
Seth can feel his pulse quickening. "What are you doing here?"
Christopher fakes a gasp. "What? Are you telling me that I'm not welcome here anymore?" He chuckles, tilting his head, before looking at Seth once again. It feels like the temperature has dropped. It has always been like this, this chills whenever he would come, or the others. Still, this time, though the feeling is familiar, it seems strange at the same time. There's no friendliness in Christopher's features, but anger.
Seth's hand tightens on the pencil. He never liked Christopher when he was angry.
Hands on either side of him, Christopher pushes himself on top of the kitchen counter, smirk on his lips.
"Go, Christopher, please."
He shakes his head. "Why would I? I always loved it here, remember? Or have you forgotten that too?"
Seth closes his eyes in a pained expression. "Why did you come back?"
"I never left."
"I haven't seen you--"
"Seth, Seth, Seth." Christopher makes a clicking sound with his tongue. "You should know better. Even if you don't see us, it doesn't mean we're not there." He pauses, his brown eyes seeming to darken into blackness and Seth shudders. "We saw everything."
"There was nothing to see." Seth's voice has a desperate edge to it and Christopher notices.
"Oh, there is."
When Seth blinks, Christopher is no longer there, but the sinking feeling stays with him. Letting out a long shaky sigh, Seth closes his eyes and leans his head forward.
"Are you ok?"
Seth looks up, surprised, but it's only Ryan looking at him with a raised eyebrow and concern in his features. He swallows thickly, and nods. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."
Ryan's frown depends. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
He bites the inside of his cheeks. Maybe I have.
Seth pushes back the covers, dressed only in boxers and a small t-shirt, the lights turned off. He has never been one to be scared of the dark, he doesn't know why. He sighs softly before laying down on his side, and pulls the sheets up to his chest, left arm resting on top. He closes his eyes for a moment, his head almost hurting, tired from the long day.
It had been stupid of him to think they wouldn't return. The air around him seems to chill, and Seth doesn't shudder, but he knows. He opens his eyes, glancing around.
After a second, there's a black mist of lines and shadows dancing in the far corner of his room, illuminated by the faint moonlight coming from his pulled curtains. He waits, and the shadows shift. It's like a dance, and he remembers a time when he used to love to watch it change and morph, a time when he used to clap for it to last longer, big grin on his face. That time is long gone.
Seth's teeth clatter against one another, the hair on his arms standing up with goose bumps, legs and hands aching from the cold inside his room.
The lines expand until they cover almost half the roof from that corner and then they shrink up and Christopher appears in the air, hands pressed against the ceiling, feet against the walls. It reminds Seth of Spiderman as he's standing above the city, looking down at the people. Only Spiderman doesn't make him shudder.Christopher smiles, a feral grin that does nothing to put Seth's fears at ease, but only seems to increase them. With a jump, he's standing in the far corner, looking at Seth. "You're not asleep yet."
How can I sleep, knowing you'll be back?
Christopher walks to the desk, taking a seat on the chair, calf over opposite knee, and it reminds him so much of Ryan that Seth feels like crying. "What?" He says, tilting his head, "does this remind you of someone?"
Seth shakes his head.
Christopher laughs, head tilted to the side, and Seth closes his eyes in painful memory. "Oh, please! You're such a lousy liar, Seth. Always have been. Always will be."
"Leave."
"Why? So you can forget us?" Christopher shakes his head. "No. We're the ones that kept you safe, Seth, remember? We're the ones that kept you company all those years. We're your friends."
"You left," Seth says, grappling at straws, and he pulls the sheets up to his chin and he shudders. "You weren't there anymore. I had to find another friend."
"No, Seth, my boy, you've got it all wrong. We left because you found another friend and suddenly, you didn't have time for us." Christopher grins.
Seth closes his eyes.
There's a chuckle against his left ear, breath warm as it tickles and Seth closes his eyes shut, tighter than he remembers them being, afraid to open them. He feels tears in the back of his eyes, and he tells himself he can be strong. That they'll leave. If he doesn't open his eyes, they'll leave. They always did.
"Are you afraid of me now, Seth?"
The voice is low, so very low Seth almost misses it, but he doesn't. He wants to call out for his mom.
"You don't have to be afraid."
"Go, please," Seth begs, and he bites his lip as it starts to tremble, tears pushing their way through closed lids. His hands go to his face, covering it, praying for him to leave, for them not to come too. It's not fair, three of them against him. It's not fair.
"We like you, Seth. We always did."
"Go, please, Christopher, please, just go."
"No."
"Oh, God, please." He cries into his hand, deep breaths turning into sobs. He cries quietly, like he learned all those years ago, because he doesn't want his parents hearing him.
"No. No. No. No. No. No. No."
"Christopher--"
There's a hand on his shoulder, cold, like Seth remembers it, and he pulls his legs up to his chest, arms going around them. He sobs into his knees.
Fingers grip his shoulder. "We like you. And we're not letting go."
Seth doesn't know how long the hands stays there, or how long he cries, but one moment it's there, a painful reminder of the coldness around him, and then it's gone. It takes him too long to fall asleep, afraid he'll come back, or Molly, or Murray, or all three.
He doesn't open his eyes to peer out, as much as he'd like to, because he knows that's worse. It's worse seeing them than it is hearing them.
And after a moment, he does fall asleep, and he dreams, or remembers, he doesn't know, but he dreams of him sitting in the living room as he's playing with his Batman action figure. And then, there's Molly standing by his side, smiling at him. He remembers, or he dreams, again, not really sure. She looks down at him and nods, and smiles, and plays with him as she picks up Wonder Woman.
Seth picks up his bag and slides his arm through it, so that the strap rests across his chest. It's late, almost seven thirty and unless they get going, they'll be late for first period. Ryan is throwing stuff into his bag, having stayed up late finishing a paper on the laptop.
Seth gets two bagels from the bag on the kitchen counter. His mom finishes her coffee and kisses his dad. They say their goodbyes as Seth hands Ryan one of the bagels. They haven't had breakfast, having overslept.
"Oh, crap," Ryan says, looking through his bag.
"What?"
"I can't find my HP calculator."
Seth frowns for a moment. "I think it's up in my room. Hold on."
"Seth!"
Seth looks over his shoulder at his mom as he takes off the bag and lets it fall onto the floor. "It'll just be a minute," he says, running up the stairs.
He hears his mom complaining and Ryan telling her about his missing graphic calculator. It has to be in Seth's room because if it isn't, Ryan will totally freak out. It had been bad enough when Ryan realized he needed more than just a scientific calculator for Physics and the other AP courses he'd have to take this year.
It had been his dad's idea, to get Ryan a good HP calculator, the last on the market, the HP 49G+. It's golden frame with black border, the way it had looked when all three Cohen men had stared at it on the window of the store, had been more than impressive. As had been the price. One hundred and seventy five bucks, if he remembers correctly, for HP's black and golden beauty.
Ryan had taken one look at the price tag and shaken his head. "I don't need that," Ryan had said, his voice low, his eyes glancing from Sandy's face to the tag once again. "I'm fine. Sandy, really."
But his dad had refused to hear anything Ryan had to say.
"Sandy, at least..." Ryan had run a hand through his hair and Seth smiles at the memory. He had looked desperate to find a way to save them almost two hundred bucks. "Why don't we get the other one? The 48G+?"
Seth had glanced at the other one, all black and kinda old. Vintage, even, if Seth dared think so. It had sharp edges and not soft looking, like the 49. It was only one hundred and ten. Seth thought that paying seventy bucks extra for the newest of the new wasn't bad, but Ryan didn't share his believes.
"It's more than enough," Ryan added as Sandy called the seller. "I don't--"
"We're getting you the golden one. It's very pretty, Ryan. I'm sure you'll find a good use for it." He had grinned and Seth had chuckled.
When the seller had showed them the calculator, Seth had been sure it was a Gameboy, it was so big.
The guy at the store had recited the benefits of this latest piece of technology. Seth can't remember one of those for the life of him. He can remember, however, grinning as he pushes his door open, that Ryan had seemed very smitten with it, even if he thought it was too expensive.
"Well," his dad had said after the guy had said every single property of the gameboy-looking gizmo, "at least you can use it as paper weight."
Ryan had ducked his head and Seth had seen a blush creep across his cheeks as Sandy laughed out loud, telling the guy to bag it, they were taking it.
Seth can't help but smile at the memory, looking around the room. He grins. There you are, he thinks, making his way to the bed. The thing's laying down on the nightstand, almost forgotten. He places one knee on the bed, reaching for the calculator, turning around after he has it in his grasp. Seth gasps, breath leaving his lungs through barely parted lips, his eyes wide.
Molly is standing by the side of the bed, smiling at him. She has a small daisy in her hands. She offers it to him.
Seth takes short, shallow breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. His eyes flicker to his hand, clutching the calculator tightly. It's shaking.
"I brought this for you."
Her voice is sweet and girly. She takes a step toward him, hand still extended. She giggles, ducking her head.
Seth closes his eyes for a moment, trying to will his teeth not to clatter against one another. "Hey," he says and his voice shakes. He clears his throat.
She gives him a big grin, white teeth visible, dimples showing. She's four, or at least Seth has always thought she's four. In all the years he's known her, them, almost ten years now, she hasn't grown an inch.
She's wearing a pink dress, wide from the waist down, and she loves to turn around in it as it flies up around her. Her dark hair is pulled back in half a ponytail, help up by a pink ribbon. Her green eyes stare at him for a moment before her smile almost fades, her head tilting to the side.
Seth can feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end, the temperature dropping around him as her eyes darken. It's barely imperceptivity, but he knows. He's seen her mad before. He's seen what she can do and he's not fooled by her age or size anymore. Not anymore. He remembers what she did to Luke.
Before her smile fades completely, before clouds arrive in the room, dark as if it'll rain in his bedroom. Before he starts seeing things he knows he doesn't see, before she starts playing with him because she likes that, she loves that, he takes a deep breath. His face is tight as he smiles, or tries to, and takes the flower from her hands.
"Thanks," he says, his voice not shaking this time.
Molly looks at him for a moment before her smile grows wide, her cheeks rosy as her dress, looking young and harmless, almost deceiving him.
"Do you like it?" She asks, hands picking the edges of her dress, pulling them up. She giggles, sweetly, behind her right hand. "I hope you like it."
"Of course I like it." Seth's voice is almost tender, the way he knows she likes him to talk to her. Like talking to the four year old she isn't. "I always like it when you give me presents."
He doesn't know why he's lying to her. She can't believe him. Christopher has to have spoken to her by now, told her about Seth's fear of them instead of comfort, like in the old times.
But she doesn't say anything. She nods, her head bouncing, her whole body almost bouncing on her heels, her white shoes as clean as the first time he saw her. "Yep," she says, giggling again. "You do. You always do."
She scurries her way to him, her arms coming around his hips, holding him tight and she buries her face in his stomach. Seth lets out a sigh, left hand going to her hair. He pets her for a moment before pulling away. She looks up at him, surprise.
"I'm sorry, Molly," he says, the smile shaky on his lips. He feels like crying. "But I have to go."
She pouts, shaking her head. "No."
"Yes, sweetie," and Seth doesn't know why he's using the endearment when he feels like throwing up. "I have to. You know I have to go school, don't you?" It's almost easy to reverse to the way he used to talk to her, the way he used to pet her. Like his baby sister. Like the little sister he always wanted.
She pouts some more, her lower lip sticking out before nodding. "Yes, you do."
Seth lets out a sigh of relief he hadn't know he'd been holding. "Yes, I have to." He smiles at her one more time before turning around."
A hand on the edge of his shirt makes him pause, her knuckles touching the skin over the rim of his jeans, and the touch is cold. It cools him to the bone and he has to close his eyes not to shiver.
"Can I come with you?"
He looks at her over his shoulder. Molly, standing there in her pretty pink dress, looking up at him with adoration. A four year old who wouldn't kill a fly. But he knows different. He's seen different.
He shakes his head. "No, you can't. You have to stay here. In the house. You know that, right?"
When she nods, he smiles at her as the back of his eyes sting.
He bites the inside of his cheek. He can hold it together for two more seconds, long enough for him to get the hell out of there. "Good," he says. "Good."
With one last look in her direction, Seth turns around and makes his way out of the bedroom. He closes the door after himself with a shaky hand and he leans against it, back against the wood, to take a deep breath and close his eyes.
His right hand is shaking terribly and he fears he might drop the calculator and then Ryan would die. Left hand goes to his mouth, covering it, and he closes it into a fist. He bites his knuckles as hard as he can without drawing blood and wants to scream. Scream into his fist, cry into his hands, but he can't. Not now, when with his parents--
"Seth!"
That's his mom's voice and he nods, though she can't possibly see him. "Yeah," he says, but it's barely a whisper.
He clears his throat twice before his voice sounds as close to normal as he can manage at the moment.
"Yeah!" He says, running down the stairs, taking two at a time, and he wants to see his parents. He wants to hug his mom, see his dad, and have Ryan by his side.
When he walks into the kitchen, Ryan waiting with Seth's bag in his hands, and Seth bites back the desire to put his arms around him and embrace him tightly. He smiles instead, taking the bag from him and handing Ryan the calculator with a hand that doesn't shake anymore.
"Here. You left it upstairs." He grins, and the smile comes easily to his lips as his skin seems to warm up from Ryan's mere presence. "I told you it was upstairs."
Ryan shrugs, ducking his head. He mutters, "Thanks."
Seth nods. "Sure, dude."
They walk out of the house and into the Range Rover. He almost forgets he saw her in his bedroom when he turns around, looking at the house over his shoulder.
Seth sees her there, in his bedroom window, looking out at him. She waves, smiling at him. Grinning, like a little girl. Seth's whole body shakes and he closes his eyes.
It takes him a minute and three deep breaths for him to open his eyes and not see her, standing, in her pink dress, in front of him.
"So, did you hand in the paper?"
Ryan nods as Seth places his books in the locker, getting the ones he'll need for his next class.
"Yeah," Ryan says, leaning against the orange metal, arms folded over his chest. "The teacher looked at me funny. Like he knows I didn't finish it until last night."
Seth chuckles, slamming his locker closed with his elbow. "Well, dude, you do have bags under your eyes. I think it was pretty easy to assume why."
Ryan glares at Seth, pushing himself off the locker. "Yeah, well. I thought it wasn't due until Friday. I planned on starting it today, have the whole week."
"Whatever, dude. But I reminded you about it. Me." Seth grins, as they make their way down the hallway toward Ryan's AP Physics class. "I told you about it. If I hadn't asked you about biology, you wouldn't have checked and then you would have been totally screwed."
Ryan snorts, refusing to let Seth be right. "Yeah, sure."
"You owe me, dude."
"No, I don't."
Seth tilts his head, looking at Ryan. He grins. "You do. You owe me."
They turn around the corner as Ryan says something, Seth isn't sure what, something along the lines of "Yeah, sure, whatever", but Seth doesn't hear it. He freezes, feet hitting the floor and staying there, not moving. His mouth falls open slightly, his hand shakes as it tries to tighten on the sling that goes across Seth's chest.
Murray is standing on the other side of the hallway. Just standing there, leaning against the wall. Murray looks at Seth, smiles and waves.
Seth watches him shift his weight from one foot to the other before waving once more and then ducking his head. Murray was always the shy one, not like Christopher, not like Christopher at all. He used to pass the pages of a comic book idly, laying down on Seth's bed as Seth read another one, avidly, living every word written down. Murray liked keeping him company, Seth knows, he remembers that.
Still, somehow, right now as Seth stands in the middle of the hallway, his teeth clattering against each other, Seth's frightened by him. Murray lifts his head, looking at Seth once again and waves. Seth's left hand moves upwards, almost to wave, and then he puts it back down.
With one hand, Murray pushes back a lock of brownish blond hair, very much like Ryan's, only darker. He has dark eyes, black, the whites of them almost nonexistent at times. Seth used to find it peculiar, even funny, now it scares him.
He doesn't know what Murray's doing here, at school. He doesn't like leaving the house. He never leaves the house.
"-- have that paper due, for Friday. I'll have to get it started tonight."
Seth blinks, turning to look at Ryan. He knows Ryan said something, he knows, but he can't remember what exactly. "What?"
The corners of Ryan's lips curl upward. "Did you hear what I said?"
Seth pauses, thinking, then shrugs. "Hmm... some paper, I think?"
Ryan chuckles, shaking his head. "Calculus. A project, due Friday." Ryan frowns, tilting his head to the side.
Seth's hand is still shaking as it tightens on the strap. His eyes flicker to the end of the hallway and they are closer to it than they were before Seth saw Murray, like they didn't stop walking at all, as Ryan asks, "Are you ok?"
Seth nods, nonchalantly, not even looking at Ryan. His gaze is fixed on the spot where Murray stood, not even a minute ago, and he's not there, not anymore. "Yeah, yeah."
Ryan doesn't seem convinced and Seth finds his ground, his breathing coming easier, in a second.
"Okay, paper on Friday. Got it." Seth says, his voice normal, finding solace in his own ranting. "Otherwise, dude, you might forget again and if I don't know about it who’s gonna remind you--"
Ryan snorts, nudging Seth's side with his elbow, and they keep on walking. "Whatever."
"I'm just saying."
"Oh, shut up."
Seth's laugh sounds nervous, and before pausing by the Physics' classroom door, he looks over his shoulder. Murray isn't there.
They are sitting on one of the couches in the lounge, cups of coffee in their hands. Ryan bites down into his sandwich, head down. When Seth turns around, leaning forward to place the coffee on the center table, he sees Murray once again. Murray's sitting on the couch across from them, smiling, head tilted.
Seth swallows, hand hesitating for a second before placing the cup on the table, afraid that if he keeps it in his hand, it might fall.
"He's nice, isn't he?" Murray's words, the soft tone and voice, take him by surprise.
Seth's lower lip trembles. "Go away, Murray."
"He's nice," Murray says once again, standing up. He makes his way around the coffee table slowly, standing before Ryan as Ryan picks at his sandwich, grimacing at the tomato. Ryan never liked it. Murray smiles again, turning around to look at Seth. "I like him."
"Murray--"
"I really like him. He's nice," Murray repeats, cocking his head to the side to look at Ryan. He reaches out, hand going to Ryan's hair as Ryan closes the sandwich, tomato still inside.
"Don't." Seth's voice catches in his throat but Murray's hand stills just before touching Ryan's hair.
"He has pretty hair."
Seth closes his eyes, trying to will himself to calm down. To will Murray to go away.
"Is it like mine? It's like mine, isn't it?"
Seth shakes his head. "No, it's not."
"Yes, it is."
Why are you asking me this? Why? What do you want? Did Christopher send you here, Murray, is that it? Did Christopher send you? Isn't it bad enough he's torturing me, now you're doing it as well?
"I really like him."
Seth groans in the back of his throat. Yes, I know. I can tell. Now leave him the fuck alone.
"Christopher doesn't like him."
Seth opens his eyes in surprise, glancing at Murray as he sits down on the coffee table, by Ryan's satchel. Murray grins, the smile easy on his lips, and a couple of years ago Seth would have grinned back.
"Christopher doesn't like him at all." Murray waves at Ryan, who takes another sip of his coffee. "He doesn't like him. I thought you should know."
I do, Murray. Of course I do. "I have class," Seth says instead, his voice low and shaky. "I need to--"
"Yes, I know." Murray looks at him once again, and he smiles. "I know you have class."
Seth nods and, when he blinks, Murray's gone, not sitting on the coffee table anymore, not looking at him innocently though Seth knows better. Not being there.
"Are you hungry?" Ryan asks, turning in his seat and offering the sandwich to him.
Seth isn't. His mouth is dry, cotton living inside and his chest won't stop hurting. But he takes the sandwich from Ryan and opens it, reaching for the tomato with two fingers and eating it in two bites. He closes down the sandwich and takes a bite. When he gives it back to Ryan, Ryan's smiling at him, thankful for the thoughtfulness. Seth nods, the smile almost easy on his lips, and he knows Ryan wouldn't have dared to do that.
Seth throws the book on the bed, making his way out of his bedroom as he closes the door behind him. The lights are out, nobody else home but him and Ryan. Seth thinks Ryan's in the pool house, finishing homework. His parents have left for the night to one of their friends' parties.
He walks past one of the mirrors in the hallway, Seth thinks he sees the reflection of a shadow walking past him in the mirror. He shakes his head, telling himself he's imagining things. That he has seen nothing. As he reaches the end of the hallway, he sees it again, a shadow in the reflection of the glass on top of a painting adorning the hallway.
This time, he sees it more clearly. It's a woman, with dark long hair falling to either side of her face. She's wearing a white dress, making no noise as she walks behind Seth. Seth looks over his shoulder, his heart racing in his chest and he sees nothing. No one. Only the darkness of the hallway leading to his bedroom. All dark around him.
He shudders and, as he heads down the stairs, he hears a girlish giggle and he knows it was Molly playing a joke on him. Years ago, he would have laughed with her, asking her to come out so they could play. Now, he shudders again, the hair on the back of his neck prickling in utter fear.
He runs the last steps, looking over his shoulder once again, half afraid of what he might see. He sees light coming from the den and he frowns, wondering if it's Christopher or Murray this time, and what exactly they might want. Maybe Christopher found out about Murray going to school. Maybe Murray told Christopher something, anything, and Christopher is angrier now.
Seth lets out a long sigh of relief when he sees it's only Ryan sitting on the couch, watching TV. He smiles, his chest not as tight as a moment ago, and he walks into the den.
"Hey," Seth says, walking inside. "I thought you'd be doing homework."
Ryan shrugs. "Finished about ten minutes ago."
"Wanna play?"
Ryan doesn’t need to answer, only reaches for the remote and changes the channel. The screen goes black and Seth sees the reflection of a person standing behind them, behind the couch, staring right at Seth. Seth bites on his lower lip, trembling as he turns around and looks at Christopher.
"What are you doing, Seth?"
"Nothing."
His right hand is shaking, everything inside him is shaking and he wants to close his eyes, to will Christopher away. Seth wants him to leave.
"It doesn't seem like nothing to me."
"Go away. Please."
"Why?" Christopher smiles, an evil and dark smile that does nothing to reassure Seth.
Ryan squats before the TV station, Christopher making his way to the side, crouching by Ryan's side as Ryan rummages for the disk of Magical the Gathering. That's weird. Seth could have sworn the disk was in the front.
"What do you want me to do with him, Seth, my boy?"
Seth swallows past the bile in his throat. "Nothing. Leave him alone."
Christopher turns around, looking at Seth as he smiles. Seth's lower lip trembles and he bites down on it. He can't show Christopher fear, even if it's traveling through his veins, intertwined with his blood.
"I can't." Christopher looks like he's enjoying this, taunting Seth. "I won't."
Seth watches Ryan placing the disk in the game after a long search. Nodding to himself, Ryan stands up and makes his way back to the couch, Christopher following him close.
"He's very pretty, isn't he?"
Seth's eyes widen at the question and when he looks at Christopher, the other man is already sitting on the other side of Ryan.
"He's very pretty, indeed."
Christopher turns around in his seat, right arm along the back of the couch. He grins, staring at Ryan. He leans over, barely inches from Ryan's face. Christopher cocks head to the side and blows a kiss to Ryan. Lips still hovering close to Ryan's, Christopher says, "Oh, so very pretty. No wonder you love him."
Seth's heart pauses for a second before it remembers how to beat. "He's my brother, of course I love him." Seth answers back, his voice not quivering.
Christopher shakes his head. "He's not your brother. That's why you love him."
"No, no. I don't. You don't--"
Christopher turns around, irises disappearing as darkness takes over. Seth feels the temperature in the room dropping until coldness breathes around him and he hugs himself, shuddering. He glances at Ryan and wonders why he's not shivering when it feels like it might start snowing in here. "Don't you dare lie to me, Seth. Do you hear me? Don't you dare."
Seth feels panic starting to rise from his throat and into his mouth and he closes his lips shut, his eyes as well and he nods. "Yes, yes, fuck. Yes. I love him. Happy now?"
When he opens his eyes, Christopher is looking at him, smile on his lips, almost pleased. "Yes, very."
Seth runs a shaky hand through his hair.
"Hold on. I'm gonna get something. You want anything?"
Seth shakes his head, the movement abrupt. It takes him a moment to realize it had been Ryan speaking and when he looks up, Ryan's making his way into the kitchen, turning on the lights as he does so.
The light is bright against the otherwise dark house and Seth has to place a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sudden brightness. Out of nowhere, Molly is there, standing by the side of the counter, head barely reaching the edge. She smiles at him, giving a toothy grin.
He shakes his head in denial, not quite believing she's there as well. She can't. They can't all...
Seth stands up and makes his way toward the kitchen, pausing by the side of the table, half leaning against it as his gaze flickers to Murray, standing by the doors leading to the back yard. Murray waves at Seth before ducking his head, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
Ryan opens the fridge, leaning forward and looking inside, probably for yesterday's leftovers.
Christopher walks slowly toward Ryan, leaning against the cupboards by the fridge. He folds his arms over his chest, one ankle over the other. He cocks his eyes, eyes staring at Ryan's back. "What do you want me to do with him, huh?"
Seth shakes his head, nervously, afraid as he shudders visibly. "Nothing, I'm telling you. Christopher, don't do anything to him."
"Why not?"
"Don't, just don't. Please. Christopher--"
"You forgot about us," Christopher hisses, his tone dark and cold. "The moment he walked into this house, it was like he owned it. Like he owned you. He just sat there and suddenly he was your friend and you fucking forgot about us."
The temperature drops another degree and Seth starts to shake his head again, his eyes stinging, his hands clenches into fists at his side. This can't be happening. This can't be--
"No, I never forgot about you."
"Yes you did!"
The doors upstairs slam close with a loud thud, making Seth jump of his skin, and his glance shifts toward the threshold leading to the living room. Ryan turns around and is surprised to see Seth in the kitchen. Ryan smiles at him. Seth gives him a shaky smile, his eyes shifting from Ryan to Christopher and then back at Ryan, but Ryan doesn't seem to notice it.
There's a giggle and Seth looks at Molly. She's giggling into her hand, shaking her head, delighted at her accomplishment, probably. She looks up at him and grins before turning around and climbing into the chair Ryan usually sits on with some difficulty. It's too high for her. It always was. Seth used to help her sit there.
He watches with morbid fascination as she starts swinging her legs from one side to the other. How can she look so innocent when she's anything but?
"What's the matter, Seth?" Christopher grins at him. "Are you afraid of the dark? Of the shadows lurking behind closed doors, behind the shadows themselves?" Christopher winks. "I could have sworn you weren’t."
Seth's jaw sets, anger filling his blood for a moment. He remembers a time when the darkness was his friend, when he knew it was only them, the three of them lurking in the shadows, protecting him from all evil. "I didn't use to." Seth tilts his head. "I am now."
"Why? Are you afraid of us, now?" Christopher pushes himself off the cupboards, walking toward Seth as Ryan closes the fridge with a snap and takes a plate filled with chicken to the counter. Christopher pauses only when his face is inches from Seth's, very much like he did to Ryan a moment ago. "Are you afraid of us, is that it?"
"You're scaring me, yeah." It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that out.
"Why?"
Seth snorts, waving his arms around him. "Why? How the fuck can you ask that? Why!?"
Christopher squints at him, eyes so dark Seth can almost see himself in their reflection. "We're your friends, Seth. Remember that. We're your only friends."
"No, Christo--"
But Christopher continues like Seth hadn't spoken. "We're the ones that keep you company. We're the ones that keep you alive, or are you forgetting that?"
Seth shakes his head. "No, you used to keep my company. You all used to be nice and fun and friendly and--"
"Are you telling us you don't need us anymore, you don't want us?"
Seth considers his words carefully, though not really knowing what to say at all. "I have Ryan now."
"Oh, Ryan." Christopher spats the words, turning to stare at Ryan as he cuts the chicken into small pieces. "That boy. That boy who has now become--"
"He's my friend."
"Oh, really?"
Seth closes his eyes, desperation reaching around him, gripping him. He doesn't know what to do, what to say. Christopher keeps asking one thing and then another
"I can hurt him, you know?" Christopher moves again, toward Ryan, like a wolf toward his prey and Seth knows that if Christopher wanted to hurt Ryan, really hurt him, there's nothing Seth could to stop him.
Seth swallows past the fear and desolation. "I know."
"I could make it really painful, too," Christopher says, proudly. He leans forward on his elbows across the counter, eyes fixed on Ryan's face as Ryan smears mayo on a slice of bread. "I could have him in my hands, bleeding. I can have him on his knees, begging for his life."
Seth nods, closing is eyes at the image. Yes, Christopher could do all that. Seth has no doubt.
"Do you want me to hurt him?"
The words make Seth open his eyes in surprise as Christopher glances at him over his shoulder.
"Do you?"
Seth blinks, staring at Christopher, trying to figure out what he wants, how Seth is supposed to answer to that.
"Can I play with him?"
Both of them turn around to look at Molly. Her head is tilted to the side, a lopsided smile on her lips as she rests her chin on the back of her intertwined hands. She looks lovingly at Ryan. "I want to play with Ryan."
Seth shakes his head adamantly. "No, no, Molly, you can't play with him."
She glances at Seth, her lips pouting childishly. "Why? Why can't I play with him? I want to play with him."
Wind starts picking up around them even though the French doors are closed. Molly's eyes darken, slowly, her gaze shifting to Ryan, focused on him and only him.
Seth hurries up to calm her down. "He's tired Molly. He's really tired right now."
She turns around, her head cocked to the side, confused. "He is?"
Swallowing past the bile he feels in his throat, he nods, giving her a small smile that he hopes looks reassuringly. "Yeah, he is. Very much. It's been a long day, baby. Long day."
She seems to understand as she nods, looking adoringly at Ryan, big blue eyes staring as Ryan pours himself a glass of grape juice, his favorite. Molly doesn't say anything else as she blinks, batting her eyelashes.
Seth lets out a soft sigh of relief. At least she won't be--
"He's really nice."
Seth turns around, surprised that Murray has spoken. He usually doesn't--
"He's really nice," Murray repeats, tilting his head, eyes falling on Ryan as well.
Seth's jaw hurts as it clenches, wondering what is with them and Ryan.
"We should play with him."
"No, Murray. I told Molly, he's really--"
When Murray looks at Seth, Seth takes a step back, noticing the way Murray's eyes darken. He has never seen Murray look like this before, only Christopher. A shiver runs down his spine and something in the back of his mind tells Seth that he should worry more about Murray than Christopher and he's surprised at the thought. "Murray?"
Murray grins, a feral grin that makes Seth cringe, his right trembling and moving to his mouth.
"Murray, you said you liked Ryan. You said--"
"I do like him," he says, glance shifting to Ryan for a second. "I really like him."
"You can't hurt him," Seth pleads, his voice low, his conviction resolving. "God, Murray, please, you can't."
"He's very pretty. And you really like him."
"Don't worry about him."
"I want to play with him."
Seth shakes his head, closing his eyes shut as the wind picks up even more and he hugs himself, coldness around his bones. Everything around him is cold. So very cold. There are voices whispering in his ears and he's afraid of the darkness he can see with his eyes closed. He should open his eyes. He should. But he can't.
He's shivering. So very cold. Cold. More whispers, taunting and threatening. Promising and swearing. Cold. Oh, God, so cold.
He's shivering. His eyes sting and he presses them tightly, willing to stop it, to stop himself as he gives up to the fear and the desperation, as he feels himself crying, whimpering. He can't do this anymore. He can't be strong for Ryan. He can't. He just can't.
The doors of the second floor slam shut and in surprise Seth opens his eyes wide, looking around, expecting to see destruction and blood and darkness and evil. He sees none.
Ryan's standing before him, looking very much confused, plate in one hand and glass in another. "Seth? Are you okay?"
Seth takes deep breaths, his chest hurting and his heart racing, as he looks around. There's no one. There are no giggles and no dark eyes and no quiet smile. There's nothing. He looks over his shoulders even, afraid he might see something, someone, but he doesn't. There's no one there but Ryan and him.
After a moment, Seth turns around and stares into Ryan's blue eyes. Deep and clear blue. Perfect blue. Bottomless blue. Lovely blue.
Seth nods, his movements a little jerkily. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." His hand shakes as he pushes back a curl and wipes at his forehead, sweat covering it.
Ryan doesn't seem convinced. He tilts his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "You sure?"
Seth nods, this time with more conviction that he has felt in a long time. "Yeah, yeah. Dude, I'm sure." Taking another cleansing breath, he snatches the sandwich from Ryan's plate, taking a big bite.
"Hey. Seth, you said you didn't want anything."
Yes, he did. And that small question seems to have been asked ages ago.
"Yeah, well," Seth says, grinning, a weight having lifted from his chest. "I changed my mind."
"Seth."
Seth chuckles, his name on Ryan's tongue sounding nice and normal, just right. He trots to the couch, plopping down with the sandwich in his hands as he takes another bite.
"I can make you another one, you know?" Ryan says with the pretense of annoyance, taking a drink from his glass.
"Nah, I like yours."
Ryan rolls his eyes. "Whatever." Ryan reaches for the controller as Seth smiles at him, handing him back the sandwich. Ryan smiles. "You sure you don't want more?"
Seth shakes his head. "Nah, I'm fine."
Ryan nods, taking a small bite before placing it on the plate once again. "Ready?"
Seth looks at Ryan over his shoulder, both boys holding controllers in hand. "I'm gonna kick your ass, dude."
"You wish."
The game begins, and moments later there are yells and exclamations, swearing and laughter as they move their game figures. Seth keeps one ear attentive for a sound out of the ordinary. There's none. There are no giggles. No laughter. No comments. No doors closing. No whispering. No nothing.
Seth relaxes.
A week later, he stops looking over his shoulder every other moment.
A month later, he can walk down the hallway with the light turned off without worrying about shadows.
A year later, he doesn't remember a time when he was afraid of his own shadow, afraid of the dark, afraid of things only he saw.
Seth seems them no more. But they don't stop showing themselves. They don't stop looking at him. At them. At both of them. They don't stop staring at the boy that took their friend away.
Molly leans by the kitchen door, head tilted as she pouts. Seth doesn't see her anymore.
Murray stands by the door of his bedroom as Seth passes him by.
Christopher watches Seth walk out of the house, not seeing the figure staring at him.
And the three of them stand before a bed in a room made of glass, dim light illumination their silhouettes, though there's no one there willing to see them. They stand, shoulder by shoulder, watching. None of them move. Their feet don't touch the ground.
Three sets of black bottomless eyes stare down at the figure oblivious to them. They stare, and they plan. And at night, they whisper, but he doesn't hear either.
He will one day.
Part two: The sound of waves
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