Of Paper Hearts
by M. F. Luder
Part two
12. orange
Alex remembers telling Ryan, during the one and only date they had, that she lived for live music. She grins as she calls for Greg, tells him to take the cans out to the bar, because this bar doesn't only serve Coke and juice, you know? She walks out of the office and catches Mindy by the shoulder, tells her that she needs to remind the band that they are on in five minutes. Mindy nods and walks away and now she's giving herself ten minutes to pretend that Seth's actually her boyfriend.
She makes her way to the side of the room, already half filled, music coming from the speakers placed all around, some couples dancing slowly. And then there's Ryan and Seth, standing to one side, yellow plastic glasses filled with Coke.
She smiles, because this is Seth, and he loves live music almost as much as herself. The one big thing they have in common. He likes coming to the shows, even during the school week. Like today, Wednesday, when she knows they have class tomorrow at 8am. But he's here, and because he's here, so is Ryan. Lindsay couldn't make it, and that doesn't set right with her. Ryan explained that Lindsay's mom doesn't like it when she's out on weekdays, and that Ryan understands like a very understanding boyfriend. And he had to come, of course, to keep Seth company, because Alex is working and she can barely give Seth fifteen minutes every other hour and Seth is Seth and of course...
And God, she's babbling like Seth. She shakes her head, makes a detour to the bar and fills herself a cup of beer. She takes a long drink, a very long drink, before deciding to make an appearance and shake off this nagging feeling in the back of her mind.
She walks out of the bar and toward the couple. Argh, the couple, not quite the name she'd like to label them as, to even think about. She takes another drink and as she comes closer to them, she can hear them talk. They are almost screaming, to be heard over the music.
"You could have stayed home," Seth says with a wave of his hand.
Alex thinks she hears Ryan snort. "So you could come on your own and then not be back until three? Or worse, to go Alex's and force me to lie again?" Alex narrows her eyes. She remembers that. Seth told her all about it, about how Ryan was forced to lie and then the two of them ended up grounded, because Ryan can't lie for shit. Ryan shakes his head. "No way. Your parents are still mad at me."
"Dude, I don't get that. I really don't."
"That they were mad at me? I lied, Seth, and you know I'm a lousy liar."
"No, no, dude not that." Alex frowns, hearing the change in tone in Seth and she might not know what that means, but normal, it is not. Still, she can picture Seth rolling his eyes. "That you call them my parents."
Ryan chuckles. "Well, Seth, sorry to break this to you, but they are your parents."
"Ha. Ha. Ha. I've told you, Ryan, funny so doesn't suit you. The thing is, they are your parents too."
Ryan ducks his head, obviously not wanting to talk about this, but Seth wouldn't know subtlety if it hit him on the head. Alex isn't surprise when Seth pushes. "Dude, I'm telling you. They are your parents. Like, when you talk, you waste so much breath saying your parents, when you cold totally just say mom and dad."
"Seth."
Alex smirks. She doesn't know Ryan well, but she knows guys like Ryan, and that tone he just used? That's his I don't want to talk about it, Seth tone and Alex could bet a month's pay on that one.
"I mean, it's been, what? Year and a half. Wow. A year and a half. We so didn't celebrate the anniversary." Seth shakes his head. "That needs to be fixed, of course, but beyond that, it feels way more than just 18 months. It feels... it feels like a lifetime."
Seth whispers the last part and Alex has to strain herself to hear him. Her eyes open wide with surprise at the comment. Had Seth ever told her something like that, something so deep and meaningful and profound that it seems like he's confessing a secret?
God, she thinks, finishing the glass in one last swallow, she's turning into a girl. A stereotypical label she fucking hates. And worse is this, she wants to hear more, but when Ryan ducks his head to the other side and Seth places his arm along the back of Ryan's shoulders, like it's the way they are, like it's the only way to make Ryan realize it's true, it is a lifetime, for each other at least. She realizes she can't face them unless she has at least another two drinks.
Fuck, she thinks. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Because this is not the way it's supposed to be. It's not that easy, not for her and Seth, and for what little she knows about Lindsay, not for Ryan and Lindsay either. But it seems easy for Seth and Ryan, and that tastes as bitter as the straight vodka she drinks.
Ryan walks Lindsay to her last class for Friday, finally, World History, his right arm along her shoulders, her backpack slung over his left shoulder.
"Okay, so, what are you doing this Saturday?" She says with a smile, teeth on lower lip.
"Hmm..." Ryan pauses, lifting both eyebrows slightly, "why?"
Lindsay frowns. That's not exactly the answer she was expecting. "Well, mom thought we could have dinner. Nothing too fancy, but, I don't know." She shrugs. "She wants to take us out, somewhere."
He grimaces and in that moment she knows what his answer will be, and the reason behind it as well. She says nothing and wishes he has something planned with Sandy, or Kristen, or anyone else for that matter.
"The thing is," he says, pausing as they stand three feet from her classroom at the end of the hall. He doesn't look too happy having to tell her this, and she knows she won't be happy at all as she hears this either. "Hmm... I kinda promised Seth we'd do something."
Her smile is tight, her lips pressed into a thin line. She turns her head slightly to the side, watching her classmates make their way into the classroom. Her gaze shifts to the clock on the far end of the hall. Two minutes after eleven. She has eight more minutes before the teacher arrives.
Plans with Seth, huh? Well, isn't that weird. She's not bitter because, really, she's too young to be bitter. And it's bad for the skin.
"Do something, like what?" She asks, as nicely as she can muster.
Ryan seems to ponder the answer for a moment and she knows, she knows, that if he lies, she'll know it in a moment, and make sure he realizes this. "Nothing much."
Well, it must be something if you're willing to go out with him instead of me.
Her silence is deafening, and he seems to take that as a bad sign. Good for him.
He shrugs, pausing for a moment before sighing. "It's just that..." He shrugs again, and she wonders if he thinks that by pretending it's not important, she'll think the same thing and let it go. Because if he does, he's wrong. After a moment, it's eleven and five, and he has a thing for stalling, he continues. "Seth thought we should go out... hmm, to celebrate."
She squints at him, head tilted to the side. He's not telling her the entire story, that much is obvious. "Celebrate?"
"Yeah," he says, and he ducks, though she can still see the blush on his cheeks. "Our one year anniversary."
Her heart seems to stop for a moment, her hands going cold. Hmm... "What?"
Ryan coughs slightly, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand in an anxious gesture she acknowledges as so him. "My one year anniversary with the Cohens."
"Oh." Her heart seems to try to slow down to a normal rhythm as her hands shake for a moment before stilling. "Oh. Right." There's nothing she can say about that, now, is there?
"We kind of missed it, because we came back just before school started." He lifts his face, giving her a half smile that consists of only a curl of the corner of his lips. "So, hmm, Seth thought we shouldn't... I don't know. He wanted to do something."
This is a family thing, she knows. A family thing probably involving him and Sandy and Kirsten and Seth going out to dinner, somewhere very nice where they can make a toast with bubbling champagne and probably let them have a glass each. Then, maybe, do something else, though she has no idea what.
This certainly isn't something she can ask him to put off for her. She smiles at him, nodding, and leans forward to give him a kiss. Her hand moves to his cheek, caressing lovingly, while his hand finds its way to her waist. She grins against the kiss.
She lingers on his lower lip, her hand still touching him, fingers rubbing against his chin. "It's okay. I hope you have fun."
He gives her a quick kiss before the bell rings. She takes back her backpack, smiling at him. He smiles back.
She turns around and walks into her class, her teacher following her only seconds after. She sits down and takes out her notebook. Oh, well, it's not like she really wanted to go out with her mom and her boyfriend. Still, they can do it next week, after Ryan has his family dinner.
The teacher starts talking about the political repercussions of the Second World War, and she blinks, nods, and reminds herself to tell Ryan to give Kirsten her love.
Alex yawns, running a hand down her hair. She stumbles into the living room, eyeing the mess all around. The party ended, what? Seven? Eight in the morning, something like that. Her glance shifts to the clock. Two in the afternoon. Fuck if she isn't groggy. She blinks, and her eyes feel like they're filled with cotton, or something.
It takes her a minute to find the phone -- under the sofa, pushed against the wall -- and she rubs her eyes with her fists. Seth should be home, it's Sunday after all, but she still calls his cell. She would have invited him over for last night's thing, but he had a thing with his parents. Family dinner, she remembers him saying, and she didn't ask for more details on that.
Seth picks up after the fifth ring. "Hello?"
Alex grins. "Well, good afternoon to you." She sits down on the couch, pushing two beer bottles away to the furthest corner.
"Hey. It's you."
"Yep. It's me." For a moment, they don't say anything. Alex smiles. "So, how was dinner?"
She can almost see him shrugging. "Nothing much to tell, you know. Dad gave this small speech, very impromptu. Mom teared up. Ryan blushed until, I'm pretty sure, there was no blood left in his heart. I was worried for a minute. He could have fainted."
Alex frowns, head tilted as she leans against the back of the couch. "What? Seth, I have no idea what you're talking about. A speech?" Was yesterday his parents' anniversary? Should she have bought them something? Shouldn't Seth have told her what to buy?
"Well, yeah, you know that Dad has a thing for dramatics. I'm pretty sure I got that from him." Another pause, and she pictures him shrugging once again. "He said, you know, things. How it's been an amazing year and something, how Ryan's their son, no matter what, how--"
"Seth?"
"Yeah?"
She takes in a deep breath, tells herself this is her boyfriend, dammit, and she cares about him. "What the hell are you talking about?"
There's a pause and Alex can almost see Seth thinking that maybe they have been talking about two different things. Yes, we have, you ass. "Well, the anniversary. You know. Ryan's anniversary."
What the hell is he talking about? Alex sits on the edge of the couch, hand gripping the receiver. "Ryan's anniversary? And no, you didn't tell me about it, Seth."
You didn't, you stupid idiot. At times, she wonders if he really thinks he tells her these things or if he's mistaken her for someone else in his mind. Like, say, Ryan.
"Oh, really? You sure?"
She glares at her TV, and the stupid thing never did anything to her. Not like Seth. "Yes, I'm sure."
"Like, sure? Coz I could have sworn I told you."
She can feel her jaw tightening. Idiot, you stupid, stupid idi-- "No, you didn't."
"That's weird. I thought I told you."
Alex inhales slowly, through her flaring nostrils. "Well, you didn't, okay?"
"Oh."
There's an awkward pause, and Alex tells herself to keep her temper in check, it's not right for her, wouldn't be right for her, more like it, to yell at him. He thought he had told her. It's an understandable mistake. But somewhere inside her, deep within, she doesn't quite believe it. And yelling at him right about now would feel pretty damn good.
"Hmm... sorry? I thought I told you."
"So you've said." He doesn't say anything and she knows she's pushed too far, too quickly. She sighs. "Look, hmm... okay, so, anniversary?"
And suddenly, she remembers. Seth didn't tell her, he told him. He told Ryan about it, last week, during the concert. Seth told Ryan, and Alex kind of eavesdropped. More like, was at the right place at the right time. Their one-year anniversary they had missed without noticing, and they had, apparently, already celebrated.
Her right hand tightens around the wireless phone.
"Yeah, you know. I told you about it a while ago."
No, you didn't, but we've already had this discussion.
"Last August. Ryan's one-year anniversary as a Cohen. You know, one year already into his new life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt. I'm very proud of him. He hasn't been tortured by water polo players in the last ten months. That's gotta be a record of some kind, for a Newport Cohen, at least."
She doesn't quite get where he's going with this, but she knows him enough to know that if she lets him talk long enough, she'll get stuff out of him that he hadn't planned on telling her in the first place. It's all in the tactics.
"Anyway, it was pretty cool. Dinner and then a movie. Ryan got to pick, and I'm pretty sure that was a first. He chose "Assault on Precinct 13", though I really wanted to watch "Boogeyman". Ryan refused on the grounds that I would get scared." Alex clearly hears Seth snorting. "Me, scared?"
"I take it you had a good time." It's only half a question, and Seth's predictable enough to ramble about it as well.
"Yeah, it was cool. Spent most of the Saturday and Sunday morning playing new games. My mom's present, by the way. Well, kind of a present. And she bought Ryan tons of new clothes, which he said he didn't need, but mom loves shopping anyway."
It wasn't like Alex was expecting anything else. Each and every single moment Seth has free, and Ryan for that matter, they spend it either playing video games or talking, probably. More like Seth doing the talking and Ryan trying to catch up with him, but that's the way things are. The way they are.
"So, how are you?"
The question takes Alex by surprise. Now you remember that I'm your girlfriend and I called you, right? She snorts, low in her throat, and she's certain it doesn't carry through the phone. "Fine," she says after a moment. "I have some things to get done."
"Oh, cool then. Call me later, k?"
Alex nods half heartedly. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. "Sure."
"Bye."
Alex sighs, closing her yes. "Bye." She clicks the phone off, letting it fall down by her side on the couch.
She rubs her face with her hands, running her fingers through her hair, untangling it. So Seth had a dinner date with Ryan, huh? Okay, not fair. His parents were there. It was an anniversary date. That she had heard before, from Seth's mouth, but as a comment to Ryan, not to her.
She groans, shaking her head. This is getting her nowhere. Seth is who he is, a clumsy babbling guy who kisses with everything he has, like she's the only one in the world he would ever dream of kissing, who makes her laugh. She likes that about him. She likes him, loves him, even, perhaps, at times, when she's not pissed at him. She likes him for who he is, she tells herself. Everything about him. His insecurities and his virtues.
And one of his faults is putting, sometimes, most of the times, Ryan first and foremost.
She tells herself it doesn't matter, that Seth loves her and that's what matters, but there are times that the conviction in her voice falters. This is one of those times. She sighs, shaking her head once again before standing up. She looks around, the place is a mess, but she's starving right now.
Alex makes her way to her kitchen as she decides to make something for breakfast/lunch and not think about Seth and Ryan spending the afternoon together. There's no point in trying to stop the unstoppable.
Lindsay finishes writing down the exercise they are supposed to do during the last fifteen minutes of class before sighing, looking up. She knows how to proceed with the exercise. It's pretty easy, really. All she has to do is calculate the distance, then the force, and with the last theorem they've seen this class, well, it's pretty much done.
Knowing what to do, and somehow not feeling like doing it at the moment, she looks around the room. Some of the students are talking amongst themselves, asking questions here and there. Her gaze shifts to Ryan sitting on her right, head bend down, pencil barely touching his notebook as he seems to analyze the best route for action. She smiles.
She knows Ryan well enough to recognize his mannerisms, and pencil not really touching the page, eyebrows furrowing, Lindsay knows he doesn't exactly know what to do with the exercise.
She'd give him a suggestion, point out the right equation to calculate the distance, and she's certain he would see the rest of the path. But it's because she knows him so well that she also knows that he doesn't want to be told what to do. He never does, and tends to hide it from her, when he can't quite keep up with her. He does it all the time, telling her he's finished the exercises when she knows perfectly well that he probably hasn't done half of them, and will the moment he gets home. Ryan has never arrived at a class without all his homework done.
She shrugs inwardly. She's here, in case he wants to ask for advice, if he ever does want to ask for advice.
After a moment's doubt, Ryan writes down a whole line of an equation and finds the distance. Lindsay smiles. Sighing, Ryan looks up at her, giving her a small smile in return.
"Hey," he says.
She chuckles under her breath. "Hey." They haven't talked much during class, considering the teacher had been explaining an all new theorem, and Lindsay really wanted to understand it on the first try. "You never told me how the dinner went."
Ryan shrugs, pretending it's not important. But it is. That's her family, mostly. Almost. That's very much her sister, and her brother-in-law. And her nephew, Seth. She frowns. If she starts thinking about Seth as her nephew, really, she'll think of Ryan as her nephew and that could really cool off a relationship.
"Still, so, hmm. What did you do?"
Ryan shrugs again, writing down another line of the equation. It's actually the wrong equation for the force, she notices, considering it needs the time of the experiment, and they don't have that information.
"Nothing much," he say after a moment. He pauses, tilts his head and looks at the equation. Lindsay bites back the desire to point out the right one. "Dinner and a movie."
From her point of view, a comment like that sounds more like a date than an anniversary, but she says nothing. He shakes his head at the solution of the problem before biting the eraser of his pencil. Yet another trait of his, a pondering trait at that.
"What movie?" She asks. At times she thinks that she has to ask very specific questions to get a specific answer.
"Assault on Precinct 13."
"Oh, I've heard that's a good one."
Ryan looks up at her, his pencil still between his lips. Lindsay finds it very sexy. "We can watch it this week, if you want."
She grins, nodding as she does so. "Yeah, sure."
His comment ends there, she notices, when he looks down at his notebook and frowns, head tilted. He erases the last line and Lindsay nods inwardly. Yes, at least he's noticed his mistake.
"What about Sunday?" She asks when nothing else is forthcoming, because it wasn't until late afternoon, until the sun had set, that Ryan remembered he had a girlfriend and actually called her.
He pauses for a moment, hand going to the book and flips back two pages. He finds the equation for the distance, the right equation, and copies it down on the notebook.
Lindsay tells herself that patience is a virtue, and tapping her fingers against the edge of the table it's too Seth for it to be her.
Ryan shrugs nonchalantly, like he just heard the question, or just processed it, either one of those.
"Nothing much," he says again. It's not easy being Ryan's girlfriend, she thinks out of the blue, if he isn't going to share anything with her. "Made bacon for breakfast. For four." Lindsay frowns at the really peculiar comment. When Ryan looks up at her and notices her confusion, he just shrugs it off. "Went sailing. Played some video games. Nothing special."
She nods, slightly, to herself. Out of sheer frustration, probably, at the lack of communication skills in her boyfriend -- her boyfriend -- she focuses on the exercise once again. Within four lines the exercise is done even as Ryan battles with the force he has found and the theorem he doesn't quite understand.
It would be very easy for her to point out the inner meaning of the theorem, and Ryan would probably finish the exercise within the next equation line. But Ryan's stubborn, and Lindsay is in no mood to take childish and quiet behaviors. With her lips set into a line, she pulls her book closer to her and flips the pages to the next chapter.
If, or when, Ryan wants her help, he can very well ask her.
Alex doesn't tend to be awake in time for breakfast, especially not during the weekend. At least not at normal times for breakfast. She's more of a late lunch kind of gal, with scrambled eggs and tons of bacon, but taken some time after one in the afternoon. It's her work, she tells herself, because no one can be awake until four in the morning -- three when the club closes and then an hour to get things cleaned and in place, to pay the band and make her way to her apartment -- and even later if she goes out with some friends.
Friends, being the keyword, because Seth can't stay out until that late, his parents don't exactly allow it. He can be out until two, three if he's with Ryan -- Alex doesn't want to read too much into that -- but that's about it. He has to be back by three thirty unless he wants Very Bad Things To Happen To Him. And Seth says they will happen in uppercase, if he's not careful. So, Seth can't stay out late, Alex understands. Really, she does. It's not like she's dating Seth because the kid is the life of the party.
They don't exactly see each other much during the week. Seth has homework (bitter reminder that the kid is at school and she's working for a living) and he's supposed to be back by dinner, and Alex is usually doing something in the club around that time, so they barely see each other. She's always at the club in the afternoons, so Seth does his homework there sometimes, to keep her company. She likes that about him.
And maybe that's the reason why last week, Seth had the brilliant idea to invite her for breakfast in his house, then maybe do something, and then lunch. Their date will end there, mostly because there's beer arriving at four. She has no idea what she was thinking when she agreed. She fears she might have been a bit drunk, or too high, because holy fuck if Seth didn't suggest bright and early on a Saturday morning -- earlier than she has seen in months -- and she said yes.
That's the only reason she's trying her best to stay conscious at nine o'clock in the fucking morning, and not wrap her car around a tree or something.
Fuck, she curses under her breath, rubbing her eyes once again, and they feel all sticky and shit and it's sleepiness, of course, she arrived home after four and had to crawl out of bed and into the shower at a quarter to nine so she could be somewhat not so late here. She pushes the car door open, and slams it a bit harder than intended, before half tumbling to the front door. Next time Seth so much as mentions breakfast, she's so kicking his scrawny little ass.
For a moment she thinks about Seth's parents, being wide awake inside, having coffee and reading the paper and eating croissants or something. She blinks some more and rubs her eyes until she's pretty sure she looks awake enough before knocking on the door.
She knocks once, twice, waits for someone to open the door. When no one comes, she leans against the frame, head tilted to the side, eyes closing, and wonders if she's tired enough that she'll fall asleep standing up. A moment later, the door opens and she stands up in a hurry, running a hand through her hair, thinking it's Seth's parents but it's actually Ryan, standing there still in sweat pants and a white t-shirt that's a little bit too tight for her not to roam her eyes over his chest. She clears her throat and Ryan gives her something of a smile.
"Seth'll be down in a sec," Ryan says, motioning for her to walk in.
She nods, walking into the house, trying her best not to look like she's gawking at the high ceilings and the wide windows that look out into... is that a pool? And the ocean a bit behind it? Holy shit.
"Sorry," Ryan continues saying, "took me a while to get him up. I think he forgot about breakfast."
Alex rolls her eyes. No surprise there. Seth's like that. Forgetful when it comes down to her, isn't he? "Should have let him sleep, called me and I wouldn't have come."
Ryan laughs, a sound she's not exactly familiar with, unless Seth's on the receiving end of it. "Yeah, well, he remembers now. He's showering."
And how exactly do you know that? She doesn't ask, only follows him through the living room -- huge, really, almost as big as her whole apartment, she speculates -- and into the kitchen. It's big, too, and she's certain she has her eyes wide open, taking in the kitchen table and the couch to her right in a room with a big TV and game set.
"First time you've been here, right?"
Alex turns around, looking at Ryan over her shoulder as she leans against the kitchen island. She nods. "Yeah," she says with a shrug, "it's huge."
"Yeah," he says, reaching for the coffee maker and putting in a new pot to brew. "Had the same reaction."
"That's right," she says, head tilted to the side. "You're not from here."
"Nope. Chino. But Seth probably told you that."
He had told her that, and a few more things about Ryan that Alex didn't exactly need to know, but that's okay, she tells herself. Ryan is very much a part of Seth's life, and Alex should know about Ryan, and how he stole a car and ended up in Newport. "Yeah, he did."
"Not that he can keep anything to himself," Ryan says, but there's no bitterness to it, instead she can hear a bit of endearment in the words, like a soft reflection on what and who Seth is.
Before she can add anything else, Seth walks into the kitchen, smile bright even this early, hair not exactly combed and a little bit damp looking, with black sweats with a check on the edge and a blue shirt that has Niagara printed on the front.
"Hey," he says, closing the space between them and giving her a kiss on her lips. She lingers on his lower lip and feels his breath against her nose. "There's nothing better than seeing you in the morning," he says after they pull away.
She can't help it, he has a way with her, a way with words that just reach for her and capture her, and she smiles back at him. "Good morning to you too, though for me it's more like midnight."
He winks at her and she laughs, shaking her head. Alex sees Ryan give Seth a quick glance from the corner of his eyes, even as the coffeemaker dings.
"That thing has a hole in it, Seth," Ryan says with a shake of his head, "I thought you weren't going to wear it anymore."
She frowns, not quite understanding what Ryan's talking about, her gaze shifting from one to the other. "What?"
But Seth's not listening to her, he's looking straight at Ryan, rolling his eyes. "Dude, it has miles left to go."
Ryan snorts. "It has frequent flyer miles accumulated, that's what it has." Ryan reaches forward, touching Seth's shoulder, and getting his index finger inside a small whole she only now notices, in the seam where the shoulder meets the sleeve. "See? Hole."
Seth waves it off, and Ryan rolls his eyes once again, turning to reach for a green mug and pouring himself a cup of coffee. Seth chuckles, turning to look at Alex, half jumping toward her.
He shows her his shoulder, the small hole in it that, once she's noticed, she can't help but be very aware of. It's weird that an expensive shirt can have a hole, like her shirts. He wiggles his shoulder inches from her face.
"Like it? I think it gives it character." He pets his shoulder, and the hole, and she can't help but chuckle. "It has gone through so much, stood up to so many water polo players."
"I don't think they did that," Ryan says loftily over his shoulder, grin on his lips, as he dumps three spoons of sugar in the coffee and some milk. Alex had always pegged Ryan for a black coffee kind of guy.
"Sure they did, dude, you were there." Seth rolls his eyes, looking at Alex over his shoulder. "Coffee?"
She nods as Ryan leans back against the edge of the island, placing the mug by his side, not touched. "Eggs and bacon, right?"
Seth nods, picking up two mugs, one black and one yellow, and pouring coffee into both. In the black one, he only adds one sugar, while he asks, "sugar?"
"Yeah, thanks. Two and milk, if you can."
Seth places that black mug on the counter, and picks up the yellow one and adds what Alex requested, and she could have sworn Seth liked his coffee really sweet. He picks up all three mugs, even the green one Ryan made for himself, and closes the distance to the stove, where Ryan already has out the pan and is starting to break the eggs. Ryan takes the black one from Seth's hands and drinks half of it in one gulp, throwing the eggs shells into the trash.
Alex blinks, deeply confused, trying to add one and one. She tilts her head and watches as Seth drinks from the green one and then hands the yellow one to her. She takes it, and can't help but frown and look between Ryan and Seth, the mugs, and remember clearly that it was Ryan who made the green one, three sugars and milk, and Seth the black one, only one sugar. After a moment and lots of hesitation, things just seem to fall into place and click and she lets out a long sigh. Because, fuck, if they didn't just make each other coffee, in front of her, both of them knowing exactly what the other wanted while Seth himself didn't know she liked milk in her coffee.
She shakes her head, tells herself they are brothers, for fuck's sake, of course they know how the other takes their coffee because they have breakfast together every single morning. But still. There's something of a sting left behind from the knowledge and she takes a long swallow of her own yellow mug.
She watches with intense curiosity as Ryan starts making the eggs, leaving the skillet on the edge while getting out another pan, pouring oil in it, flame burning underneath, before picking up the skillet once again, as Seth takes the bacon out of the fridge and places it in the pan.
The bacon starts sizzling and Ryan watches both pans, skillet shifting from eggs to flip the bacon around, and Seth gets out three plates and places them on the edge of the counter, right behind Ryan. The bacon fries quickly and Ryan turns off the flame and picks up the pan, using the skillet to place the bacon on top of the paper towel on each of the plates, to drain the grease. Ryan lifts the skillet over his shoulder and Seth it takes it without missing a beat, lowering the flame on the eggs, turning them around once more and then shutting off the flame. He serves the eggs by the side of the bacon and Alex can only keep on watching, dumbfounded and shocked and ten other synonyms about the way they move, like they know what the other is doing, like they can predict each other's moves. It's like they are dancing to a tune they know by heart and she sighs and shakes her head and says nothing.
It's not bitterness, she tells herself, not even anger, it's just... it's just an edge of something she can't quite put a name to it but it's not pleasant. She glances at Ryan from the corner of her eyes, picking up his plate and taking a seat on the edge of kitchen counter, and she can see in his face that this is nothing out of the ordinary. Seth smiles at her, handing her the plate and leaning by the side of the fridge and jerking his head to the space in front of him. She takes her hint and, standing back against the counter, starts to eat her breakfast. Ryan opens the newspaper, taking out a section before handing it to Seth who takes it without a word.
"Want one?"
Alex looks over her shoulder at him, at Ryan and she wants to narrow her eyes at him and ask him how is it possible for him to behave like he and Seth have a long standing marriage. She says nothing because that's not in her, and even though she is really curious about it, she knows when to keep her mouth shut. There are things that even couples, hell, even threesomes, don't exactly talk about. This, apparently, is one of them.
Her glance shifts to Seth, paper open by his side, propped on top of the phone, Arts&Leisure probably, because Seth couldn't exactly be into finances. Looking back at Ryan, who's actually reading the paper and not just the comics, she shakes her head. "No, thanks."
He shrugs, not at all bothered by her scrutiny or his very own behavior. Not that he should be. Alex doesn't think he should and fuck, where the hell is she going with this? Nowhere, obviously. This is taking her nowhere. She came here to enjoy a quiet breakfast with her boyfriend, then probably go out with her boyfriend and do something with her boyfriend, and Ryan certainly doesn't fit into those plans. Right?
Breakfast is done quickly and with very little small talk. Seth balances the conversation on three ends actually, making comments about school and homework and how Ryan should, probably, maybe, more than certainly, take up sports once again.
"Dude, you liked soccer last year, right?"
"That was last year."
"But. There are, like, tons of other things you can do. Basketball?"
Ryan raises his head from his paper and his eggs, one eyebrow raised, head cocked to the side.
Alex chuckles into her coffee and it takes Seth a moment before actually getting what Ryan's trying to hint at not so subtlety.
"Oh, so," Seth says, shrugging as he does so, "you don't exactly like basketball, huh?"
Alex thinks it's more like basketball doesn't exactly like Ryan, height wise, but she says nothing as Ryan lowers his head once again.
"Still."
"Seth." Ryan doesn't even bother to look at Seth now, and Seth doesn't say a word, seeming to hang on Ryan's instead. Alex narrows her eyes. "Leave it, okay?"
Seth sighs, and Alex can almost see the imprint on Seth's face. He might leave it, for now, but he still has time and resources and Seth is nothing if not determined, even if it means making a fool of himself.
"So," Seth says after a moment of silence. "What do you want to do?"
Alex shrugs because, truth be told, right now, she'd rather lay down on the couch and catch another hour of sleep. "Whatever."
"Cool. I thought we could go out, go sailing perhaps."
"Hmm. I'm not really into sailing."
"You aren't?"
Alex shakes her head and when she glances at Ryan, she can see the corners of his lips curling upward. Okay. Is he making fun of her?
"Oh. Okay. Ryan doesn't like it either."
Ryan nods, only half paying attention to them, knowing when to nod and when to ignore them. That seems to be a very practical way for Ryan to follow Seth's conversation. She should ask him for pointers.
"It's okay," Seth says. "We can go out, drive around."
Not an exact point of destination. That's more her thing. They could go to the store, check out some new albums. There are a couple she's been meaning to buy.
"You wanna come?"
Alex raises her head, frown on her face and she sees Seth looking straight at Ryan, or Ryan's bowed head. She narrows her eyes, glances at Ryan's head, blonde hair falling onto his eyes, more interested in the paper than in the fact that Seth just asked a guy to join him and his girlfriend in what was supposed a nice, quiet Saturday morning.
Ryan shakes his head. "I've got homework. You two go."
Alex doesn't know whether to be grateful that Ryan does understand that this was supposed to be a date or be mad at him. She chooses to pretend that nothing happened.
"Oh. Okay. Sure. I'll get you something."
"If you go to the mall, get eggs," Ryan says with a shrug, gaze fixed on his paper, "we're almost out and I don't know if your parents will go to the store tomorrow."
"Ryan--"
Ryan looks up, gives him a silencing glare and then shakes his head. Seth doesn't add anything else to the subject and Alex really has to get the hang of that glare. It might work for her and Seth as well.
Seth sighs. "Yeah, okay. Eggs. Oh, and ice-cream. And cookies. God knows when they'll go."
Ryan shakes his head. "We have ice-cream."
"Not double chocolate chip."
"There's chocolate chip and chocolate, what's the matter with those?"
Seth narrows his eyes at Ryan. "Dude, that's so not double chocolate chip."
"You could mix the two, you know?"
"So not the same."
Ryan rolls his eyes, turning the pages in the paper, still not looking up. "Whatever."
"Well, then," Seth says, "we're going now."
"Go."
"We're almost gone."
"I don't know what you're waiting for."
Alex feels like slapping Seth upside the head. She's about to complain to him, to tell him that if he wishes to keep on doing this, this banter thing with Ryan, she could have very well stayed till midday in her warm bed and they could have met for lunch, when Seth folds his section of the paper. She frowns, watching him picking up a pen from the pencil cup over at the end of the counter and hand both things over to Ryan, who still has his head down and eyes on the paper.
She thinks about calling out for Ryan just as Ryan lifts his hand and takes the paper and pen from Seth's hand. Her throat is dry as she notices that Ryan opens it to the crossword puzzle and uncaps the pen. Crosswords in pen, of course.
"I'll call you on the way back."
Ryan nods, head bend down and tilted the side. His hand pauses in the air for a moment before filling in a line of the boxes. "You won't be back by lunch, right?"
Seth pauses, thinking about it, and Alex bites down her tongue. They've met very early in the morning, the last thing they can do is have lunch together. And if Seth says otherwise, she'll most certainly let him know what she thinks.
"You won't be back for lunch," Ryan more like announces, looking straight at Seth. "You'll probably have lunch with Alex." Ryan's eyes narrow when Seth doesn't understand what he's talking about. "I'll have some take out. You should take Alex to that new café by the pier. I heard it's pretty good."
"But I thought we were gonna go--" Subtlety seems to go over Seth's head, because even Alex can predict the end of that sentence. They were supposed to go to that café together. Her eyes narrow even as Ryan glares at Seth and Seth nods. "Oh, right. The café. Yeah. Right. That's the perfect place." He turns to look at Alex. "You'll like it, I'm sure."
She gives him a small smile. "Yeah. Sure."
"Okay, then," Seth says, placing his arm along the back of Alex's shoulder. "I'll be back around... four?"
The way Seth looks at her when he mentions this, the time almost like a question, goes a long way to improve Alex's mood. "Yeah, four's cool. I have to be in the club at five."
Seth nods, smiling, almost beaming. "Cool." He pauses for a moment, before shaking his head. "Take care."
"Don't forget the eggs." Ryan says, eyes once again glued to the paper.
"Oh, right, and the ice-cream. Sure."
As she walks toward the door leading to the living room, she looks over her shoulder and notices that Ryan does lift his head and glance at Seth's back before lowering it once again. It's almost like he doesn't notice she saw it. Waving it off, she half pays attention to Seth's babbling about school and a paper he has to do that's fighting him every step of the way.
Lindsay never thought she would actually like a boy so much that she'd look past the front of parents' money and born into it. Then again, Ryan's not really a Newport boy. He might have the money, but he wasn't born into it. He doesn't take things for granted. He doesn't pretend that he's worth more than he is, that his every whim should be followed. And yeah, maybe that's being judgmental, because not all rich boys are like that. Seth certainly isn't.
She glances up from her notebook at Seth, sitting on the other side of the table, on the right corner, his head down, eyes focused on the book before him. He has something due tomorrow, that Ryan has been bugging him for the last hour to get done sometime before midnight. Apparently, from what Lindsay has gathered in the back and forth of very ugly comments in the last hour, Seth has a thing for leaving things to the last minute and staying up until so very late, even Ryan loses sleep.
Why, Ryan loses sleep, she doesn't ask. She's learned there are things one doesn't ask about the banter of Ryan and Seth. Instead, she shakes her head and tells herself that there's no point in following that line of thought. It'll only make her feel uncomfortable.
Anyway, she might have to change her beliefs a little bit. Seth's anything but a rich kid. He doesn't behave like he walks on water. He isn't rude, or mean. He doesn't put money first and everything second. He's actually very nice, a total gentleman, best friend to her boyfriend. He's almost perfect. Except for some whining here and there, she has no idea why she didn't like him on their failed date. Then again, she already had her eye on Ryan, didn't she?
She smiles, glancing over at Ryan, sitting on the other side of the table, opposite her. They have some homework due tomorrow morning, bright and early. That's actually the only subject they have together. And that's why they try to spend as much time together in between classes and during the afternoons, doing homework. It's either that or seeing him only six hours every week, and weekends. Actually, Ryan and Seth have two whole subjects together, one more than she and Ryan.
Sighing, she looks down at her homework. She's almost done with it. It's just a matter of passing it to excel and setting up the graphics. It shouldn't take long. No more than an hour. She could do it at home, before dinner, or after and then head straight to bed.
"You done?"
Lindsay turns around to look at Ryan, pencil in his hand, and she nods. "Yeah. Just missing the graphics."
"You can do them on the laptop, if you want. I could send it to your email."
She doesn't need to be asked twice. "Sure."
Ryan nods, closing his books and making his way around the table, behind Seth. Seth's still frowning, shaking his head, eyes shifting from one book to the other.
"I take it you're way behind?"
Seth looks up at Ryan, snorts, shakes his head and looks back down at his notebook. "Dude. Don't even say it. Just. Don't."
Ryan chuckles, placing his hand on Seth's shoulder and squeezing slightly. "I told you, you should have gotten a head start last weekend."
"That was your weekend."
Ryan shrugs. "I did some homework."
"I have no idea when or how. I mean, we were together the whole time. What, you have a twin now or what?"
Ryan swats Seth on the shoulder, good naturedly, nothing too hard, just brotherly love and Lindsay can't help but smile slightly. "I'm going for the laptop. It's still in your room, right? You were playing Bejewled there last night, I think."
Seth nods. "Yeah, if it's not on the desk, then it's under my bed."
Ryan pauses on his way through the kitchen, looking over his shoulder at Seth, one eyebrow raised. "Under your bed."
Seth shrugs, head already down, flipping pages and copying a paragraph to his notebook. "It might be."
"Seth, what could the laptop--?" Ryan pauses, tilts his head and the shakes it. "No, no. I don't want to know. I'll look for it."
She can hear Ryan going up the stairs and then there's nothing but the sound of another book being opened and a pen copying data onto Seth's notebook.
Lindsay and Seth never had much to talk about, she notices as he looks up from his book for a moment, smiles at her, then looks back down. Usually, she wouldn't mind the silence. She likes working in silence, makes it easier for her to go over her thoughts and remember theories. But in this case, it's nothing but oppressing and Lindsay wonders how she didn't notice that she has never, ever, talked with Seth without Ryan present.
"That paper due tomorrow?" Her question surprises not only Seth, but herself. She hadn't thought about talking. The silence must have been too much for her to bear without even noticing.
Seth looks up for a moment, shrugs, leaning back against the chair. He glances at the book for a moment, but his gaze shifts back to her, like doing homework is suddenly too boring to contemplate. "Yeah, actually." He reaches forward for Ryan's pen, holding it between thumb and forefinger before drumming it against his thigh a couple of times. "Ryan's been bugging me to finish it for about a week."
"When did they give it to you?"
Seth thinks about it, head tilted, very much like Ryan did a minute ago. "I don't know. Two weeks ago? Three. I don't remember."
Well, no wonder Ryan's pissed that Seth hasn't finished it yet.
"I mean, I'm almost done with it." Seth looks down at his book and closes it. "God. How boring." He stands up and walks to the fridge. "Want something? We have... hmm... orange juice, cranberry juice, some sort of... thing, I think it's strawberries. Oh, that's Ryan's. Right. No. Sorry. Hmm..." Seth closes one door and opens the next one. "Coke, ice tea. Again, Ryan's. Hmm." He turns around, smiling at her. "Coke or water?"
She chuckles. "Coke is fine, thanks."
He pulls out two cans of Coke, handing her one. "Ryan would tell me to ask you if you want a glass, but I know you. You don't want one, right?"
Seth's right, Ryan's polite like that. "Nah, from the can is fine."
The silence seems to stretch between them for a moment until Seth gives her a big grin. "I think the laptop wasn't on the desk or under the bed."
"Do you even know where you put it?"
He thinks about it for only a moment before shaking his head. "No, I have no idea. I thought it was in my room. Maybe it's in the pool house? Ryan had a Biology paper two days ago. I'm pretty sure he finished it here in the kitchen, right before dinner." He pauses, nodding to himself. "Yeah, he did. He printed it in dad's study. And then... I took it last night, to my room. But Ryan said he needed to print a lab report for Physics this morning..." Seth chuckles, shaking his head.
Lindsay frowns, not quite following. "What?"
"I brought it back, last night. Or this morning. No, no, last night. He needed the computer, so I brought it back after I lost my third game in a row. I was in a very bad state of mind." He smiles at her. "It's in dad's study."
She's about to ask another question, not certain what exactly, when Ryan walks into the kitchen, leaning against the frame, shaking his head, looking pretty tired.
"It's not in--"
Seth doesn't let him finish the sentence. "Of course it's not. You printed your lab report this morning."
Ryan's eyes shift to the ceiling for a moment, then he smiles. "Right. Sandy's study."
Seth nods just as Ryan turns on his heels and Lindsay can hear him making his way down the hallway.
Lindsay sits patiently on her seat, her hands on top of her notebook, waiting for Ryan to return to the kitchen. It doesn't take long, the laptop under Ryan's arm. He smiles at Seth, who smiles back, each one of them looking very proud. She purses her lips into a thin line. The exchange gives her a funny feeling in her stomach, but she can't quite place it, so she lets it be.
Finishing the rest of the paper doesn't take long. Actually, it might have taken longer, had it not been for Seth. Ryan isn't very good in Excel, or the graphics area of it. Neither is Lindsay. Whenever she'd get stuck somewhere, she'd ask her mom for help, who actually knows more about the whole program than she does. But Seth knows his computer stuff, and it barely takes them thirty minutes to pass all the info into a book in Excel and then to put up the graphic, and half of that time is spent fixing one unit problem that's giving them a very weird looking graphic.
After they print it in Sandy's study, Seth announces that he's done with his homework and is tired and bored and would they want to watch a movie?
Lindsay isn't difficult to persuade, so she gives in after a minute. Ryan, for his part, doesn't seem convinced that Seth actually finished his homework, but Seth repeats that it's just a matter of passing it to the computer, the research is all done, it's nothing that can't be left for before dinner. In the end, the way Seth nudges Ryan and smiles at him, Ryan seems to give in. Again, Lindsay tells herself that's just them.
They choose Hellboy, for whatever reason that seems only obvious to the two of them. Lindsay sees the small smile on Ryan's lips when Seth suggests the movie and she shrugs, telling herself that she hasn't seen it and Ryan seems to like it, so there's no problem. And so they sit, Ryan in between Lindsay and Seth, and Seth, who holds the remote in his hand and watches Ryan roll his eyes, clicks play and the movie begins.
The movie, in itself, is kinda fun. She's sure she has seen the guy who plays Hellboy before but can't quite recognize him. Both Ryan and Seth seem to have watched it a couple of times before, because at times Seth will repeat the actor's lines, and Ryan would either shake his head or swat Seth if he was doing it too often. It doesn't bother Lindsay, but it's nice of Ryan to think that it might. By the time the movie's done, it's almost eight and she's on the verge of being late to head back home.
"Can I use the bathroom?" Lindsay asks as she stands up, stretching and her bones pop from being in the same position for almost two hours.
Ryan nods, pointing down the hallway to the side of the den. "Sure. Down the hallway, second door on the left."
She gives him a kiss before turning around, watching from the corner of her eyes as Seth yawns and stretches and tilts his head back against the couch. She runs her fingers through her hair as she looks at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, shaking her head. She'd been leaning against Ryan's side throughout the duration of the movie, with Ryan's arm around her shoulders, and now her hair is paying the price.
She sighs, because she left her hairbrush in her bag and her bag is out in the kitchen table. She can only wet her fingers a bit and run them through her hair before cleaning the bit of eyeliner that was starting to run.
After doing the best she can, she walks out of the bathroom and down the hallway, back to the den, but pauses before reaching the end of the hall. She pauses in mid step, her heart beating loudly in her ears as she blinks and can't help but stare.
Seth's lying on the couch, on his side, head on Ryan's lap, hand cupping Ryan's knee. She swallows, looking up at Ryan, who's smiling softly -- softly, tenderly, barely a curve on his lips and she knows she's never been smiled at like that -- his fingers running through Seth's hair carefully, as if afraid to wake him up. Ryan, with a smile on his lips, bending forward slightly, head tilted to the side, looking at Seth sleeping on his leg like this is the most natural thing in the world. Like they do this all the time. Like they--
She forces herself to take the next step, and the next, and when she reaches the end of the couch, Ryan finally looks up at her, his expression changing, smiling at her but not the same smile, not even coming close. She gives him a small smile in return, but it feels tight on her lips, in her cheeks, and she is unsure of what to say.
"Wanna stay for dinner?"
She blinks at him, wants to snort and answer him back, stay for dinner? Seth's asleep on your leg, what the hell do you think I want?
She notices his voice is lowered, maybe because he doesn't want to-- She shakes her head. "No, I gotta... I gotta go home. I told mom I'd be there by eight thirty."
"Oh." Ryan glances down at Seth's face, his index finger touching a curl one last time, soft smile on his lips once again, and Lindsay feels something seething inside her. Ryan looks up at her for a second before lifting Seth's head with one hand, carefully, and slides away from under him. Ryan sighs as he places Seth's head back on the couch, pushing back a lock of Seth's hair behind one ear before straightening. "Let me --"
Lindsay nods, hurrying to the kitchen table and picks up her bag. She turns around and Ryan's there, standing a little to the side, looking at her. She smiles at him, and it keeps feeling like it's not her face, it's not even her smile.
He places his hand on the small of her back as he walks her to the living room, and when she turns to look at him, he's looking over his shoulder, down the hallway leading directly to the den. She ducks her head, embarrassed and not knowing why.
He opens the door for her, allows her to walk out first, and then walks her to her car, parked on the side of the entrance. He opens the driver's door for her, kisses her before she slides in, and then kisses her when she rolls the window down.
"Drive safely," he says with a tilt of his head, his arms folded on his chest, looking right at her.
She nods, pulling out of the driveway and making way her out of the community. She reaches the first street light and catches red, and she can't help but tighten her hold on the steering wheel, heart beating loudly in her chest. Her breathing is a bit fast, but not too fast, and she's trying to slow it down as she remembers Ryan, combing his fingers through Seth's hair, the small smile on his lips. She doesn't know if he's ever done that before, comb his fingers through her hair, and she's certainly never fallen asleep with her head on his leg and she wonders if he's ever looked at her like that, smiled at her like that--
There's a honk behind her and she looks up to see that the light is green once again. She takes in a deep breath, her ears having stopped ringing with her heartbeat and she presses on the gas, thinking about the graphics they did today and hoping Ryan will remember to email them to her before she gets home.
Seth turns seventeen on February 19th, 2005. It falls on a Saturday, and Alex gets invited to the family tradition of nice dinner and then cake and whatever the birthday boy wants to do.
Alex arrives before six, stands with Seth in the backyard, looking out at the ocean meeting the sky and letting him kiss her until her toes curl and she's digging her hands into his sides, wanting to pull his body closer to her but reminding herself of his parents, in the kitchen or living room or bedroom.
They don't go out to an expensive restaurant, as she had expected them to, but order from a place that sounds expensive anyway.
"Not Thai," Seth says with a grin, and Ryan rolls his eyes.
Alex frowns, not quite getting the joke, and notices that Lindsay spends that time smiling tightly, the expression obviously false on her lips.
"Hey," Alex says to Lindsay, only now talking to her after the initial hellos and of course I remember you. Alex remembers specifically being with Seth in her apartment and Lindsay, apparently, breaking up with Ryan again, leaving Ryan without a ride home, which meant Seth went to his rescue. But she doesn't mention that.
Lindsay turns to look at her and smiles. "Hey. Alex."
Alex nods, and then they fall silent. And it's not like they haven't spent more than just one hour together, but the boys were always there, so the two of them alone still feels weird and awkward.
They look at each other for a second, nod, and then Alex snorts, shaking her head. "This is stupid. You're dating Ryan, I'm dating Seth. Seth calls Ryan every other--"
"-- hour, I know!" Lindsay says, and Alex can see the outrage in her face, in her expression, before shutting off quickly. "It's not--"
Alex snorts once again. "Oh, please, don't you dare say it's not important because it bothers the hell out of me and I'm pretty sure it bothers you as well."
Lindsay gnaws on her lower lip for a second before nodding. "They are... close."
Alex chuckles, an ironic sound in the back of her throat. "That's the understatement of the year."
Lindsay gives her a small smile, almost a secretive smile, and Alex nods, because they know. Even if the boys don't realize it, they know.
"Hey," Seth says, and Alex looks up to see both Seth and Ryan making their way to the den, where they were sitting, not really watching the TV.
Alex smiles at Seth and lets him kiss her, and out of the corner of her eyes, she can see Ryan kissing Lindsay as well.
They have dinner, all four of them with the parents and they make small talk. Kirsten is nice and Sandy is funny at times. Lindsay doesn't seem at all comfortable with them either, so that makes Alex feel a bit better.
After dinner, Sandy mentions that the boys probably want to do something else, watch TV or maybe go out, and they say their goodnights and he leads his wife up to the second floor. Alex thinks maybe Seth wants to do something special, go to her apartment because Seth's bedroom is down the hall from his parents, but instead, Seth says that they should watch a movie, and Alex can't say no to him, at least not on his birthday.
Seth says "The Lord of Rings", which Alex never really saw, and she mentions that to Seth's outrage and surprise and gasping stupidity, and then Lindsay says that she never saw the appeal either and Alex can see Ryan rolling his eyes from the corners of her own.
Ryan sighs, rubbing a hand down his face as Seth's sputtering beside him. "God, and I thought we could make this an early night.
"You didn't-- But how could you-- It doesn't even make sense--"
Alex shrugs. "I don't see what's so great about it."
Seth gasps so loud, Alex worries about his health for a second before Ryan groans and mutters, "right, because I haven't seen that stupid movie enough times to know the script by heart."
That had been it. "The Fellowship of the Rings" starts about two seconds after that. Seth, of course, wants to follow with "The Two Towers" but Lindsay begs out, because it's almost ten and she had promised to be home early. Ryan nods and walks her out to her car, and Alex and Seth finally have two minutes for themselves.
"We could move this back to my place," Alex says in between kisses to his collarbone, knowing Ryan's probably outside, kissing Lindsay to within an inch of her life.
Seth chuckles, a low moan in his throat, but shakes his head, pulling away from her. She glances down at his crotch and his jeans are tenting. Her hand moves on its own, but he catches it in both of his. "As much as I'd love to, and you know I'd love to, God, you gotta know I'd love to."
Alex smirks. Of course she knows.
"I can't. My parents are upstairs and if I leave now, I won't be back tonight."
That's right. They'll probably go slow and Seth will fall asleep, and she really doesn't want him getting into trouble on his own birthday. She sighs, but nods, and lets her hand fall back to her lap. "Sure. You're right."
Seth kisses, not lingering on the kiss, not more than he should, before standing up. "I'm just gonna--"
She nods, watching him make his way down the hallway, to the bathroom. She picks up the remote and starts zapping channels, never staying on one for longer than a few seconds. She doesn't know how long she sits there, but she thinks it's longer than is right. She frowns, looking over her shoulder down at the hallway, but Seth isn't making his way back, so she stands and follows his steps.
The bathroom door is ajar, and when she pushes it, it opens easily. There's no one inside. Frowning, she walks out into the living room, and she turns around, looking at the high ceilings and wide windows that look out into the backyard and pool and ocean. And then she hears it, Seth's low chuckle, a mixture of anticipation and excitement.
It takes her a moment to find the source of the sound, and when she realizes it's coming from the small office with its door almost closed, she makes her way silently to it.
She doesn't push it open, but peers through the three inch space and watches as Seth standing before the big desk, almost bouncing on his feet. She can see Ryan by the bookshelves, looking for something. There's a small lamp on the desk behind them, casting enough light to allow her to see Ryan's smile as he looks over his shoulder at Seth, wide and perfect on his lips.
Ryan pulls something from the bookshelf, saying, "I had to hide it here. I knew you'd go over the pool house."
Seth pretends to gasp. "I did not!"
Alex snorts, and watches Ryan turn around and lift an eyebrow.
Seth sighs after a moment. "Okay, okay. So I did. It's not like I haven't done it before."
Ryan chuckles at that, making his way next to Seth, the two of them standing before the desk. Alex swallows. She gave Seth his present earlier on. It was a Modest Mouse Album, signed by the band, and Seth had loved it. She had thought Seth had loved it.
"Oh, come on."
"What?"
She can only see Ryan's right side and Seth's left, only the profile of their faces, but it's enough for her to see that Ryan has a grin on his lips, that he lifts his eyebrows, and Seth chuckles again, shaking his head.
"You could wait another hour, you know," Ryan continues saying, with a shrug. "Wait until Alex leaves and then I can give you--"
"No, no, no. I don't wanna wait." Seth keeps on bouncing his feet, his hand reaching for the present but stilling in mid way, as if waiting for Ryan to give it to him. "My birthday, my rules."
Ryan snorts. "When aren't you pushy?"
"Hey."
Ryan laughs, but concedes, Alex notices, giving Seth the small, thin wrapped present. Seth doesn't believe in saving the paper, then again, Alex wouldn't expected him to. He tears at it with determination and then he's gasping and blinking and what Alex sees in his face, she realizes, that's love. Not what he showed her, no, this is love, Seth is looking at what he holds in his hands and then back at Ryan.
Ryan swallows, and Alex narrows her eyes, trying to see what it is. It looks like a magazine.
"Dude. This is--"
Ryan shrugs. "I hope you like it."
"Like it? I love it."
Alex swallows. Seth's face hasn't showed that before, his eyes haven't shone like that. Seth hasn't been like that before, with her, with her gift. She swallows again, trying to read the words on the front page of the magazine but coming up short.
"But how did you--? Dude, this is from June, 1948."
Ryan shifts, not really moving, and the light shines on his face for a second, and Alex can see the corners of his lips curling upward. "I know."
"Batman #47. The origins of Batman. Dude, this was reprinted in Batman #198 but this is the first version." Seth's babbling, his right hand moving and his left hand holding tightly at the edge of the comic and of course, Alex thinks, of course Seth has to love comics more than everything, anything, and why the hell didn't she think of that before?
"How did you find it?" Seth asks, half surprised, half awed, and something sits cold and harsh in Alex's stomach.
Ryan shrugs, ducking his head, and Alex thinks she can see a blush on his cheeks, or maybe it's just the light. "I looked for it. It wasn't... impossible."
"No, just very difficult. How--?"
Ryan lifts his hand, placing it on Seth's shoulder and squeezes. Alex holds her breath and wonders how in the world they can't see her peering through the fucking crack of the door. She's standing right here. She's standing right fucking here and they don't even look in her direction -- unless they can't see anything but each other.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it!"
Ryan chuckles, nodding as he does so. "I actually found Detective Comics #27--"
"The first appearance of Batman--"
Alex bites on her lower lip, and she might not know a lot about comics, but the first appearance of Batman kind of sounds like the Holy Grail. Ryan knew what to look for. Alex gave Seth what she thought he'd like. The difference is staggering.
Alex watches Ryan tilt his head, small smile on his lips. "Yeah, but it was eighty thousand. A bit out of my price range." He shrugs. "I had to settle for Batman #47."
"Dude--" Seth sighs, left speechless, apparently, and Alex closes her eyes for a second. She hears movement but doesn't dare open them, not until she can breathe in without feeling her chest closing in on itself.
She blinks and opens her eyes and Seth must have placed the comic on the desk, because they are just standing there, looking at each other, not saying anything. Alex swallows, and it feels like she shouldn't be watching this. She should turn around, go back to the den, but she has to watch this. She needs to watch this.
Ryan smiles, shrugs, and then Seth's hugging him tightly. Ryan seems to hesitate for a moment, arms spread wide, as if he doesn't know where to put them, before settling his hands on Seth's shoulders, down his back, almost resting on his waist.
"I'll get it for you," Ryan's voice is muffled, and she strains to hear his words. "Detective Comics #27. I'll get it--"
"I don't need--"
And Seth shifts, but she thinks she can see him resting his forehead against Ryan's shoulder, his voice ending in a whisper.
Ryan shakes his head. "I'll get it for you. One day. I promise."
Seth chuckles, but the sound is neither light nor funny, almost wistful. "I don't care about it."
Alex takes in a shaky breath and can fill in the blanks fine on her own. She stands there, her hand on the doorknob, and thinks about taking a step back, but then Seth seems to hide his face deeper in the hollow of Ryan's throat but the angle is all wrong for her to really see it. All she can see is Ryan's right shoulder and Seth's left one and a bit of Seth's back, the back of Seth's head and his brown curls under the desk light.
She lets out a soft breath and takes a step back, and in that second, she thinks she sees Ryan tilting his head and placing a kiss on Seth's temple, but it could very easy be the change of light, or her very own movement, and without making a sound she walks back to the den. She makes sure to place one foot in front of the other before sitting down on the couch, remote in hand, zapping channels without really seeing them.
Her breathing isn't ragged, but it's harsh in her chest, and she can't stop seeing them, the two of them, standing before one another before hugging. And this time, as she revisits the memory, she's standing from another angle and can clearly see Seth hiding his face in Ryan's neck, kissing the skin, Ryan tilting his head and kissing the side of Seth's face. She sees them, or imagines them, she isn't sure anymore, but she sees it either way, and the taste is bitter on her tongue.
Seven minutes later, Seth and Ryan walk back to the den, their hands empty. Alex excuses herself, says she really should go to the club, make sure everything's running smoothly. It is Saturday and she should be at work, so Seth understands and doesn't ask to go with her, and she doesn't offer either.
Ryan only says his goodbyes, not a mention of his gift. Seth walks her to her car and he doesn't mention Ryan's present either. She presses her lips in a thin line and he kisses her, and she kisses him back with barely a brush of her lips, and if he notices, he doesn't say a word. They are good at this, at not saying much, barely anything at all.
She gets into her car and drives off to the club, and by the time she's parking by the pier, she's convinced herself that she didn't see anything, the light was too dim for her to distinguish between the movement of the shadows. And it was just a present and of course Ryan knew Seth would enjoy comics better, they are brothers, they know each other that well. By the time she's closing the club, at a quarter past three, she's fine and comfortable in her own skin once again.