Perfect blue
by M. F. Luder
15. perfect blue
They walk out of the Bait Shop slowly, side by side. It's late, past midnight, and the wind is picking up. It's always like this at this time of night by the pier. Wind blows high and dry, and even with a jacket Seth shudders. People are starting to leave as well, the Killers having ended their show about ten minutes ago.
"I think Lindsey got bored," Seth says with a smile, walking to the edge of the pier and leaning against the rail. He had watched her leave and make her way to her car, not looking pleased with the way the night had turned out.
Ryan nods slightly, looking around. His hands grip the railing, leaning forward to look down at the ocean. "Yeah, she doesn't like this place that much."
Seth frowns. "Okay dude, I get it, but why did she come?"
"I thought she could, we could..." Ryan shrugs. "I don't know. Something."
Seth doesn't quite understand it, but he lets it go. He's seen the way Ryan watches Lindsey, the way they talk with one another at school. It's like they want something to happen, but don't quite know how to get around to it.
"You like her, don't you?" Seth finds himself asking, not looking at Ryan but at the floor. "I mean, dude, I've seen you. I know you like her."
After silence meets his question, Seth turns to look at Ryan. This time it's Ryan who's looking down at the floor, almost embarrassed. Seth frowns. Embarrassed doesn't suit Ryan at all, and Seth should know, he's seen Ryan with pretty much every look possible.
Ryan shifts his weight from one foot to the other and Seth can't keep the frown away from his face. "Dude?"
Ryan shrugs after a moment, turning to look to the other direction, his eyes never meeting Seth's. "I mean, yeah." A pause. "I think."
"You think?" Seth moves his head from one side to the other, a grimace on his lips.
What? He had seen Ryan after the whole dating Lindsey fiasco and then at Chrismukkah. Ryan likes Lindsey, plain and simple. Seth can deal with it. He's a master at it by now. First Marissa, then Theresa and now Lindsey. Seth's turned denial into an art form.
"Dude," he continues, and Seth realizes he has stopped for more than just a breath, "dude, I thought you... well, you know. You liked her. I mean, I've seen you. And I've seen her. And I've seen the two of you together."
Seth has no idea what he's doing, inching him toward her when it should be the other way around, when Seth should be convincing Ryan that Lindsey is the devil in disguise. Then again, he's the good friend, and good friends always do, or help, make their friend be happy. He's trying, he really is.
"It's not happening," Ryan says after a moment, shrugging as he does so. Seth can see his shoulders tense, his hands holding onto the wood tightly. "It's just not there." He turns around to look at Seth. "You know?"
He nods because it's the right thing to do, not because he actually understands. He doesn't understand how someone could not feel something while being with Ryan. How can someone not kiss him, standing like this, barely a foot away from him?
Seth swallows thickly, his throat suddenly dry. "Yeah, sure."
Lindsey is stupid, that's for sure. Seth shakes his head. Screw the AP classes. She's an idiot. Or gay. Either of those two.
Ryan shudders, hugging himself as he leans forward against the railing. "Man, it's cold out here."
The wind seems to have picked up in the last ten minutes, the temperature probably dropping a couple of degrees. It's only now that Seth notices that a piece of clothing is missing from earlier today.
"I could have sworn you brought a jacket."
Ryan nods, rubbing his arms with his hands. "Yeah, well, Lindsey didn't. She'll give it back on Monday."
"Dude, no wonder you're freezing," Seth shakes his head. "You'll die of pneumonia."
"You're overreacting."
"Yeah, right." Seth takes off his shirt slowly. It's not thick, but it's way better than the thin white cotton shirt Ryan's wearing.
"Seth, no--"
"You'll die," Seth says with a grin. "I don't want you dead, you know?" He drapes the jacket over Ryan's shoulders, even as he protests and tries to shake it off.
"You'll freeze," Ryan says, settling as Seth's hands hold on his shoulders. "I'm fine, I swear."
"You're shivering like a leaf, dude. And I don't want you to catch a cold."
Ryan glares, but it's only half serious and Seth smiles at him.
Ryan looks up at him. He's not really that much shorter than Seth. Barely a couple of inches, but in the proximity, Ryan has to tilt his head back to gaze at Seth.Seth swallows. Ryan's eyes have never been bluer. Deep ocean blue that seems to be bottomless gazing back at him, fixed on him, focused only on him. It's not that he hasn't noticed before, but he has never been this close. His hand relaxes around Ryan's shoulders.
"Seth?"
The word is barely a whisper, the tone low. A tone Seth has never heard before. A tone he wants to hear again. He leans forward, an inch and he pauses.
Ryan doesn't move. His breath is hot against Seth's chin as Ryan exhales through his mouth. Seth closes his eyes, leans closer and kisses him.
It's soft and slow and Seth doesn't remember ever wanting to do something, to have something, as much as this, right here, right now.
Ryan's lips tremble against Seth's.
There's uncertainty there, a second of it, before it's blown away by a whisper and Ryan kisses him back, his mouth opening under Seth's. The taste is memorized, the touch carved into skin and Seth doesn't want to forget this. Not ever. He wants it to last, to have it with him for as long as he breathes.
He pulls away from Ryan's lips, his eyes closed. He breathes out, shakily as his heart hammers in his chest. He blinks, opening his eyes, and notices that Ryan's eyes are still closed and Seth smiles. Red lips are visible even under the dim light.
It takes Ryan a moment to open his eyes and then, he too, smiles.
Seth touches his forehead to Ryan's, hands tightening his hold on him. Ryan's hands find their way to Seth's waist and they say nothing. They don't need to.
Finished: April 26th, 2005. 10.06pm