Atwood Cohen: A History
by M. F. Luder
for Vera
1.
Seth sighs, walking into the pool house and falling back on the bed.
"I broke up with her," Seth announces, eyes closed.
Ryan frowns. "With Alex?"
"Well, yeah, dude, it's not like I have another girlfriend, you know?"
"Oh. Why?"
Seth sighs. "I don't know."
Seth's tone is low and Ryan knows there's something he's not telling him. "You don't know?"
"No, I don't know."
Ryan nods slowly. "You broke up with Alex and you don't know why?"
"Hmm... kinda."
There are times to push Seth, but this is not one of them. "Okay."
2.
Seth walks down the stairs, making his way toward the kitchen.
Ryan's sitting at the table, two books open before him as he clicks numbers into a HP calculator
"Are you ok?" Seth asks nonchalantly as he opens the fridge and gets out a can of Coke.
"I'm fine."
Seth sighs. "Ryan--"
Ryan pauses for a moment, fingers stilling and stares down at the number on the liquid screen. It's wrong, the velocity shouldn't be this high.
"I'm fine," he says, and he almost believes himself.
He walks to the edge of the kitchen island, leaning back against it. He stares at Ryan's back, wondering how exactly to put this.
There is no easy way.
"I saw Lindsey today."
Ryan's shoulders tense and his whole body language changes.
Seth takes a deep breath. Confrontation was inevitable.
Ryan doesn't say anything. Seth wasn't expecting anything different.
A second later, Ryan's shoulders relax, though not entirely, and he writes something down in his notebook.
Seth knows that's his cue to continue, "I, well, you know. She's my friend too. She's my aunt. We're family. We were bound to talk at some point. You know that. So, yeah, we talked."
Again, silence.
"Not for long, but, well, we kinda talked."
Seth sighs. Like talking to the wall.
"She said you broke up with her."
Ryan pauses for a moment before tearing out the page he was writing on.
Seth grimaces, ducking his head.
"Yes." Ryan's tone is normal, controlled, and he sounds calm. Except for the way his jaw is tense and his shoulders are squared
"Last week."
"Ahuh." Ryan looks at his book, at the theorem of relative motion in water and other dense liquids.
None of it makes sense.
Seth takes a deep breath. "Nine days ago."
"Yeah, so?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" His tone doesn't convey the hurt and frustration he felt while talking with Lindsey. Seth's proud of himself.
Nothing.
"Ryan--"
Ryan's hand grips his pencil tighter. "I didn't think it was important."
Seth places the can on the counter. "You break up with Lindsey. With Lindsey, who my parents thought was the girl for you. Lindsey, my aunt. Who would be, like my sister in law if you two were to marry. Who mom and dad were certain would be family, twice. The soon to be Mrs. Ryan Atwood, and you think it's not important?"
"Yes."
"Dude!" Seth lifts his arms in exasperation, head shaking. "Are you out of your mind? Why didn't you tell me?"
Ryan sighs. He turns around in his seat, arm draped over the back of the chair as he stares at Seth for the first time since this whole conversation started. "I told you, it's not--"
Seth snorts. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever."
He runs a hand through his hair. Ryan knows that tone of voice. "Seth--"
"No, no, if you don't think I'm good enough to trust, then it's cool." The smile on Seth's lips is laced with indifference and it makes Ryan grimace. "It's not like I tell you everything about me. It's not like I told you about me and Alex, you know?"
"That's not it."
"Then why didn't you--?"
Ryan looks down at the floor as Seth's tone softens. He sighs. "I didn't want to talk about it, okay?"
Seth tilts his head and stares at Ryan. Today is not the day to talk about it. "Okay."
3.
Ryan lies down on the bed, eyes closed, head tilted back.
The windows are open, as is the door, the wind blowing in and out softly in the summer heat before their senior year.
The bed dips as a shift is made.
Ryan doesn't have to open his eyes as Seth scoots closer to Ryan, Seth's right arm touching Ryan's left one.
He doesn't have to open his eyes to know that Seth's smiling.
Ryan is too.
He hears Seth sighing softly by his side. Ryan relaxes slightly, hand moving an inch to the left.
His fingers almost touch Seth's.
They don't say anything as the wind blows again.
4.
Ryan's taking Calculus II and Physics II.
Seth's taking World Literature and AP English.
They sit together at lunch. Seth pays for both trays.
They talk about their subjects, about homework and papers.
Seth can only nod when Ryan explains a formula he doesn't understand, or the way the Mohr Circle should be used.
Ryan only stares at Seth as he talks about poetry he likes, about essays he has to finish for next week.
There are no girls sitting with them during lunch, or dinner.
It's just them.
They like it like that.
5.
Ryan places the frozen turkey in the low compartment of the fridge, to let it defrost until tomorrow morning, when he and Sandy will do the stuffing and the actual cooking.
Kirsten has promised to keep sodas and wine coming and going. That's her only job. She's happy with it.
Seth leans against the side of the counter, smiling.
Ryan sighs as he pushes the fridge door close. "You could have helped me, you know?"
"I bought it," Seth says with a grin.
"You paid for it, you mean. I chose it, same as the vegetables and fruits. I pushed the shopping cart. I put the turkey in the back of the Range Rover. I drove." Ryan squints. "You did nothing."
"I helped."
"You watched."
"I provided moral support, dude. Moral support. It's all about the moral support."
Ryan chuckles, shaking his head. He takes a step forward, elbows resting on the edge of the counter, leaning in slightly.
He looks up at Seth.
Seth smiles, hip against the edge of the wood, staring down at Ryan.
Ryan swallows.
Seth leans forward, his lips touching Ryan's hesitantly at first. Hesitation is brushed away with a whisper. Hands find their rightful places. Words are not needed as emotions are felt.
They don't pull away. Hands already know where they belong as foreheads are touched and promises are made.
Both boys smile.
6.
They talk about telling Sandy and Kirsten. They talk about the perfect occasion.
Neither comes up with a date that doesn't make them shudder in anticipation and just a touch of fear.
Sandy and Ryan put the Christmas tree in place. Sandy takes a step back to admire it and places his arms around Kirsten, kissing her neck.
Seth stands by Ryan's side, hand almost touching Ryan's and Ryan smiles.
Apparently, Sandy and Kirsten don't need to be told.
Sandy places his hand on Ryan's shoulder as he's putting the crystal balls on the branches of the tree.
"This Chrismukkah is going to be different, isn't it?"
Ryan looks up, surprised, and he bites down his lower lip. "Ah?"
Sandy grins before engulfing Ryan in a hug. "I'm just happy for the both of you."
Ryan is left dumbfounded as Sandy makes his way upstairs.
Meanwhile, Seth fills up a glass of orange juice, Kirsten staring at him with her arms folded over her chest.
"Mom?"
She doesn't say anything, just takes a step forward and gives him a hug. "I'm glad you're happy," she whispers in his ear.
Pulling back, she places a kiss on his cheek and makes her way to the living room.
Ryan's still standing there, confused, and Kirsten hugs him as well, whispers the same reassurance in his ear and gives him a kiss.
As Kirsten makes her way up the stairs, both boys stare at each other.
The parents already know.
7.
Ryan never knew he could be a deep sleeper.
Two days before winter break starts, Ryan wakes up to a body pressed against his back, an arm placed securely around his waist and breath being blown against the back of his neck.
He smiles, because he can't do anything but.
He thinks about nudging Seth awake, about asking him to go to his bedroom so Kirsten doesn't walk in to find them both in bed, in Ryan's bed, in Ryan's new bedroom next to Seth's.
He thinks about it, but then Seth presses a sleepy kiss on Ryan's shoulder and murmurs, "sleep."
Ryan can only do just that.
This will be the last time Seth does this, Ryan thinks as he closes his eyes. Ryan will tell him. Today. Later today.
8.
There are three different parties going on for New Year's Eve.
Sandy and Kirsten go out to the traditional dinner and dancing for the night.
Ryan and Seth decide to spend it differently.
They order steak and vegetables in advance, glasses of coke already served.
They sit on the couch, Ryan leaning back against Seth's chest after the quiet dinner as they watch the ball drop in Times Square.
There is no music in the house, no drinks or friends.
They like it better this way.
As 2006 begins, Ryan looks at Seth over his shoulder and kisses him, his left hand going to the back of Seth's neck.
They spend the rest of the night lying on the couch, talking quietly, Ryan running patterns with his finger on Seth's chest.
They fall asleep sometime after two.
Sandy and Kirsten find them later that night, Ryan's head on Seth's chest, both of them deeply asleep.
"They look happy," Sandy whispers to Kirsten.
Kirsten smiles, pulls an afghan over them and lets them be for the night.
9.
The graduation ceremony is held outdoors, on a sunny afternoon as parents watch their children get their diplomas.
Kirsten doesn't cry, but she looks like she's about to. Sandy has an ever present smile on his face.
When Ryan receives his diploma, he shakes Mrs. Fisher's hand. He turns around, gives Sandy and Kirsten a nervous smile as he shifts the side of his tassel.
When Seth receives his diploma, he bounces onto the stage, hugging Mrs. Fisher with heartfelt emotion. He turns to look at his parents, waves, before turning to look at Ryan who's sitting front row and blows him a kiss. Seth can't help but grin as Ryan blushes.
They go to dinner afterwards and the night ends far too quickly.
Lying in bed, Ryan feels the bed shift as Seth pulls the covers back and snuggles in.
Ryan grins, even though Seth had promised not to do this again.
Seth presses his chest against Ryan's back, hand going to take Ryan's, and Ryan lets him. After this summer, he won't sleep in this bed anymore. He won't live in this house. He wants to take this memory away with him.
"I love you," Seth whispers in his ear.
Ryan answers him with a kiss.
10.
Ryan lets his bag fall down on his new desk, closing his eyes as he does so.
Hands are placed on his shoulder and start massaging. Ryan smiles.
A kiss on his collarbone. Ryan grins.
"How's your schedule?"
Ryan opens his eyes, looking over his shoulder at Seth. "Not bad."
"Cool, dude, then--"
"Not good either."
Seth frowns. "Okay."
"I've got a full Thursday, then all mornings, Friday night classes and Tuesday afternoon."
Seth squints slightly, trying to bring his own schedule to mind.
"We won't have lunch on Thursday, or Tuesday. Maybe not even Friday, I have to go through that one more time."
"Oh," Seth says before shrugging. He takes Ryan's hand in his and leads him to the bedroom.
Seth lies down on the bed, Ryan by his side. Light pours through the windows as Saturday afternoon almost comes to an end. The moving finished yesterday, with Sandy and Kirsten's help, and though the apartment is small, just one bedroom, it's cozy and only twenty minutes from campus. Ryan and Seth liked it the moment they saw it.
"I don't know if I'll even see you on Thursdays," Ryan continues, placing his head on Seth's shoulders.
Seth's hand moves to Ryan's hair and starts stroking.
Ryan closes his eyes, the movement soothing.
"You've got classes at ten, right?" He doesn't wait for Seth to answer. "I've got one at eight. Then, on Mondays--"
"We'll make it work."
Ryan doesn't say anything.
Seth leans over and kisses his head.
"I love you, dude. You love me. We love each other and we've been living together for three years now."
For Seth, the comfort of being with Ryan, of living with him, means home.
"We'll make it work."
"I love you," Ryan whispers, almost sleepy.
Seth sighs, knowing this is what Ryan needs: reassurance. "I know. Love you too, dude."
11.
Ryan's cell phone rings as he walks out of class. His classmate Sarah walks out by his side. There's a paper to get done by the end of the week and two brains are better than one.
Ryan doesn't need to see the name on the liquid screen, the ring tone, Passenger seat by Death Cap, is enough.
"Hey," he says with a grin.
A chuckle on the other line. "Hey, you."
"So?"
"So?"
Ryan ducks his head.
Sarah lifts an eyebrow.
"What are you doing?"
"I've got the paper for Construction Materials to finish, remember?"
"Oh, right. Yeah, I remember. The thing about the thing about the thing.
Sure I remember, dude."
Ryan chuckles, shaking his head. "Nice to know you're listening."
"I'm always listening, babe." His voice lowers. "Though I like it better when you moan."
Ryan blushes a deep shade of red. "Seth..." His voice catches.
Sarah laughs into her hand.
"I know I made you blush," Seth says, and Ryan can imagine him grinning. "Mission accomplished. I have class right now. See you at home."
Ryan coughs a laugh, biting his lower lip. "Chinese?"
"I feel like Pizza."
"Okay."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
Ryan flips closed his phone and when he turns around, Sarah's grinning from ear to ear.
Ryan ducks his head and clears his throat. "Paper. Concrete and agge--"
"Yes, yes," Sarah says with a grin. "I didn't know it was that easy to make you blush."
Ryan's ears turn red as they walk down the hallway.
12.
"Open your eyes."
"Shut up, Seth."
"Dude."
"No, no whining is going to win this. So let it go."
Seth sighs, slumping back against his seat. He turns to his left, looking out the airplane window at the cloudless sky, sun shinning brightly through it.
He shakes his head, staring at Ryan's shut closed eyes, hand gripping the armrest. His right hand goes to Ryan's forearm, muscles tight under his touch.
Leaning forward, he smiles. "Dude, this is our vacation. Ours, ok? You have to open your eyes to enjoy it."
"The minute we're there."
"We're going to London. It's going to take more than an hour."
"I don't care."
"You gonna keep your eyes shut the whole trip?"
Ryan's lips are pressed into a thin line as he nods jerkily.
"Okay. Fine. You do that, dude," Seth says, leaning back against his seat, "but this is what will possibly be our last vacation. Next summer, you're gonna do an internship. I probably will as well, and the next, and then it's off to work."
Seth can see Ryan swallowing thickly, hand tightening even more on the leather cover before peering his left eye open to gaze at Seth for a second.
"I love you, you know that?"
Seth nods, grin plastered on his face. "Yep," he says, tilting to Ryan's side. His hand covers Ryan's and his fingers relax enough as to intertwine with Seth's.
"I know."
"Good." Ryan burrows his face in the crook of Seth's neck, right hand gripping Seth's chest, left hand not letting go of Seth's. "Let me know when we arrive."
Seth chuckles, shifts in his seat until he finds a comfortable position and throws his arm over Ryan's back. He kisses the top of Ryan's head and hugs him tighter. "Of course. I'm not letting you go."
"Good. I'm counting on it."
13.
Seth's cell phone rings and he grins as he hears the tune, When I think of you, by Journey.
"Hey, babe."
Seth can hear Ryan grinning on the other side of the phone. "Hey, you."
"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"The pleasure came this morning, or have you forgotten about that?"
Seth chuckles, loud in the middle of the hallway for the English department. "Oh, bold! I like that in my man."
"Nice to know."
"So, what are you up to? Has your chosen career given you a minute of free time to remember you have a boyfriend?"
"Whiny doesn't suit you."
"Whiny is my second nature, dude. It comes with the Jewish in me."
"Right."
Seth shifts his bag on his shoulder as he takes the corner toward the main Entrance of the building. "Papers due?"
"Always."
"Thought so." Seth shakes his head. "Dude, I'm telling you, it's barely second year and I'm already losing you to school. That's so not hot."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah. I mean, I haven't seen you in ages."
"You saw me this morning."
"And what a pretty part of you I saw, but a man cannot live by sex alone, as much as I would like to think otherwise. I need a candle light dinner, you know?"
Seth takes a step into the sunny afternoon, free hand covering his eyes.
"Would you settle for lunch in the cafeteria?"
Ryan's voice sounds awfully close, and not really coming from the cell phone.
Seth turns to his left, his lips curving into a smile.
Ryan's leaning against the banister of the stairs by the entrance, cell phone in hand, grin on his lips.
Seth doesn't remember ever seeing him look more beautiful.
"Well," Seth says with a tilt of his head as he walks toward Ryan. "I can compromise."
"Really?"
Seth nods, standing before Ryan. They smile at each other.
Seth leans forward and kisses Ryan, cell phone line open and forgotten.
14.
"We should tell your mother," Seth says, picking up a cup of coffee as he leans back against the small kitchen counter.
Ryan looks down at his bagel, not really seeing anything.
They've been putting this off long enough, Seth knows, just as he knows Ryan hasn't so much as spoken with Dawn in almost a year. And even back then, it was only a five minute call on her birthday. She didn't have the same courtesy, but they don't mention that. They don't mention her at all.
"Did you finish that essay? I thought you said--"
"Ryan."
Ryan sighs.
They don't want to talk about it. They shouldn't have to, but it's been almost three years now and that's a long time not to tell his mother he's seriously committed to someone.
"If you don't want to..."
Ryan stands up, cup of coffee not even finished and walks toward the sink.
Seth decides to drop it. If it ever comes up again, it won't be because of him.
"Soon," Ryan says as he rinses his cup. He turns around, stretching his hand and taking Seth's in his. He leans over and kisses Seth.
"Soon," Ryan whispers again and Seth lets it go.
15.
"We're gonna be late."
"No, we're not."
Ryan sighs, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The tie is fighting him with teeth and nails, not wanting to sit straight.
"Seth," he says over his shoulder toward the bathroom, "would you hurry? We are gonna be late."
"Dude, we're so not." Seth walks out of the bathroom, his only towel thrown over his shoulder.
Ryan grins as he sees Seth in the mirror. He whistles.
Laughing, Seth turns around and kisses Ryan on the neck. Ryan kisses him back and after a minute, he pulls away.
"We're late as it is."
"Babe," Seth gives Ryan a quick kiss before walking to the closet, "we're gonna be fashionably late. That's perfect."
"Your mom will kill us."
"Our mom, and no, she won't. She wouldn't want to lose two sons at once."
Ryan pulls at the tie one last time, but it decides to keep on working against him and Ryan sighs. "Whatever," he says, and lets the tie lie loosely around his neck.
Seth starts getting dressed as Ryan leans against the dresser and watches.
"A quickie?" Seth asks with a grin.
Ryan chuckles. "That's the very reason we're late, Seth. Party started at seven."
"It's seven ten."
"We should have been there already."
"I love it when you frown." Seth finishes buttoning his shirt, taking a step toward Ryan. "You look so hot."
Ryan glares. "You're not buying me."
"I know that. I already have you." Seth reaches for the tie and ties it on the first try. He kisses Ryan. "There. Perfect."
He picks up his own tie and, after a moment, they are both done and walking out of the bedroom.
"Now, off to the Cohen household."
Ryan rolls his eyes. He picks up the presents: a silk blouse they bought about a week ago, a scarf Seth said "Is totally mom", and a teddy bear Seth talked Ryan into buying.
Seth takes two of the packages from Ryan's hands before taking Ryan's arm.
"Come on, there's people to meet."
"Seth."
Ryan's warning tone only makes Seth chuckle. "What?"
"Last time you told Kirsten's friends how we live in sin and incest."
"Well, it's true."
Ryan rolls his eyes and gives Seth a kiss. "Forget it. Let's go."
16.
Seth closes the door of the apartment after him. "Well, that could have gone better."
Ryan snorts. "Let's go to bed," he says, lowly.
Seth pinches the bridge of his nose. That's four words more than Ryan has said through out their trip back from Dawn's.
And yes, it could have gone better, but it could have also gone worse.
There was no yelling, or hitting, or disinheriting, and that's always good in Seth's book. But the cold stare Dawn had given her son, only telling him, "It's your choice to make" hadn't been all warm and fuzzy either.
"Ryan..."
"I'm fine."
Seth walks toward Ryan as he's taking off his jacket and placing it on the back of the chair. Seth's hands find their way around Ryan's waist.
Ryan tenses in Seth's arms, but Seth knows to hold on a little longer, wait another moment.
Ryan takes a deep breath. Seth doesn't let go.
Ryan relaxes, back resting against Seth's chest, head leaning on Seth's temple. "I love you," Ryan whispers.
Seth nods. "I know," he says. "And you love her, and--"
"I don't care about her."
But Ryan's body language tells another story. "Sure you do, dude. I know--"
"No," Ryan says, turning around in Seth's embrace. He looks straight into Seth's eyes and there's conviction there, so painfully visible it almost hurts Seth. "I won't waste my time worrying about her, about what she thinks."
"Babe--"
"She doesn't know us," Ryan hoarsely adds, head cocked to the side. Seth can see his eyes shining. "She doesn't know you, and she doesn't care enough to make an effort." He shakes his head. "I won't waste my time over someone who hasn't been my mother in years."
Seth doesn't know what to say to that. Instead, he kisses Ryan, their lips pressed tightly against one another.
Ryan's hands cling to Seth's waist and, silently, they decide not to talk about it.
17.
"Boys!"
Ryan smiles, letting Kirsten give him a tight hug and kiss on the cheek.
"I missed you," Kirsten tells him in the ear.
"We missed you too." Ryan blushes.
"Dude, we saw them last week."
Seth chuckles as his mom hugs and kisses him. She closes the door after them.
"Are we late?" Ryan asks, looking around the sea of people in the house.
"No, not at all."
"Where's the birthday boy?" Seth bounces on his heels, three presents in his arms.
"Hiding, of course." Kirsten takes Ryan's arm as they walk into the living room.
There are people Ryan and Seth recognize, people that have been there for Kirsten's birthday the year before, and people who have been at every single party Ryan can remember.
Kirsten pries the study door open, poking her head in. "Sandy, the boys."
"Oh!"
Seth chuckles as he hears his dad and a moment later, Sandy's hugging them both, arms full of sons.
"It's so good to see you." Sandy says, pulling away to look at them. "So, how are things? How's school?"
"Fine, dad." Seth rolls his eyes. "We talked to you two days ago, remember?"
"Oh, right. Right. Still."
"Happy birthday." Ryan smiles and Seth nods as he hands them the presents.
"Presents." Sandy takes one and starts shaking it. "Hmm... oh, I wonder what it is."
"It's not a board, dad, we gave you one for Chrismukkah."
Ryan chuckles, shaking his head as Seth rolls his eyes.
Kirsten smiles at her husband's excitement. "Why don't you put it in the study and we'll open them later, huh?"
Sandy nods, taking the presents.
"He never changes," she says.
Ryan smiles. "I'm glad."
After a moment, Sandy walks out of the study and pushes the boys toward a group of people Ryan doesn't recognize. The back of a palm touches his and instinctively, he intertwines their fingers.
"Richard?"
A man turns around from the conversation and smiles at Sandy. "Sandy, I thought you had left your own party."
"No, of course not. Why would I do that?"
The whole group laughs and Ryan realizes this is Sandy's new law firm.
"Guys, this is my son, Seth."
Seth nods slightly, almost smiling.
Ryan notices the way the men's gaze shift to their intertwined hands. He swallows.
"This is my other son, Ryan." Sandy places his arm along Ryan's shoulder, pushing the boy to his side. Ryan chuckles, not letting go of Seth's hand. "Seth's partner, as well."
There's a second of awkwardness in the air and Ryan wonders if maybe Sandy will feel obliged to leave the firm.
Seth turns to look at Ryan. Neither of them know exactly what to do.
"So you're Seth," Richard says after a moment, slapping Seth's shoulder amicably.
Seth grimaces slightly even as he nods. "Yeah, yeah, I am. Seth Cohen."
"Good, good. I've seen your picture." Richard turns around to look at Ryan. Sandy's hold on his shoulder tightens. "Both of you. How long have you two been together?"
Ryan doesn't need to think about it. "Seven years."
"Wow." There's genuine surprise in Richard's voice as he smiles. "You make a good couple. The picture on your desk doesn't do them justice, Sandy."
Sandy chuckles and, after a moment, so do the rest of the group. Sandy's hold doesn't relax.
"You're in college, right?" Richard doesn't wait for the question to be answered. "What are you studying?"
Seth answers for them and starts with an anecdote about one of Ryan's construction site visits. Ryan nods in the right places.
Sandy lets go of Ryan to hand them their drinks. Seth takes that opportunity to place his arm around Ryan's back.
Richard's gaze doesn't waver, staring straight at Seth.
Ryan smiles, relaxes, and leans a little toward Seth.
18.
"Did you do the laundry?"
Seth looks up from his book "The Journal of Abnormal Psychology", Volume 10. "What?"
"Laundry," Ryan says, leaning against the door. "You were supposed to do it last night. Did you?"
Seth gives Ryan the widest grin -- ever. "Dude!"
"Seth."
"Babe!" Seth throws the book on the bed, standing up with a jump. He opens his arms wide. "My love! My precious! My only one! My Hephaestion!"
"You're not Alexander."
"No, but I could be." Seth grins, hugging Ryan tight. Ryan's arms are loose at his side. "I could take an army around the world and conquer everything. I could make 21 Sethanias."
"You're insane."
"No, I'm in love!"
"And you didn't do the laundry." Ryan looks at Seth. "Did you?"
Seth gasps, appalled. "What? What would make you think that?"
"That both pairs of my jeans are in the basket and I have nothing to wear for tomorrow."
Seth grins, winking at Ryan. "Well, we can fix that, can't we?"
Ryan laughs. "In your dreams, Seth. I told you to do--"
Seth silences Ryan with a kiss. When he pulls away, Seth expects Ryan to have forgotten about the laundry. Ryan glares at Seth. Apparently not.
"Laundry. I did it last time. And the time before that. And the time before that. It's your turn now, Seth."
"I know."
"And you didn't?"
Seth hangs his head down, resting his forehead on Ryan's shoulder. "No, my beloved, I didn't. Sorry, babe."
Ryan sighs. His arms move around Seth's waist and he kisses the top of Seth's head. Seth looks up, smile on his lips.
Ryan chuckles once again. "You're not forgiven, you know? You gotta cook tonight."
"I will."
"Okay, then," he shrugs. "I'm going downstairs to do the laundry." He gives Seth a quick kiss before pulling away.
"Ryan?"
Ryan turns around as he picks up the basket, looking over his shoulder at Seth. "Yeah?"
Seth smiles. "I love you."
Ryan smiles back. "You better, I'm doing all the housework."
Seth blows Ryan a kiss and Ryan chuckles.
19.
Two graduations in one week is both exciting and tiring. They go out to dinner with Kirsten and Sandy, both times. Ryan wears the same suit to Seth's graduation, held on a Friday afternoon, that he did for his own, held two days before. Seth buys two new suits, telling Ryan that those are two different occasions and that meant spending some cash. Ryan only grins.
Kirsten cries, both times.
Sandy hugs them, both times.
They talk about the future during dinner and, though it feels like deja-vu for Ryan, having done the exact same thing two days ago, he wouldn't have done it any other way.
After dinner, they go back to their apartment. Ryan pushes the covers back, lying down on the bed. He turns to his left, head propped up on his elbow. He watches Seth, his outline, as he moves around in the bathroom. Seth is always the last one to go to bed.
It takes Seth another minute to finish brushing his teeth and combing his hair. Ryan still doesn't understand why Seth brushes it before going to bed. He learned to stop questioning it four years ago.
Finally, Seth lays down on the bed by Ryan's side. They look at one another and, silently, they close the space as they kiss. Ryan pins Seth to the bed. Seth looks up, a grin on his face.
"Engineer Ryan Atwood, are you planning on having sex with me?"
Ryan chuckles, head tilted to the side. "Well, yes, English Major Seth Cohen."
Seth laughs and Ryan smiles as he bends down and kisses Seth's neck. Laughter turns into moans and Ryan captures that sound in his mouth.
20.
"You're gonna be late."
Ryan snorts, taking a long drink of his cup of coffee. He checks his watch, cup still raised, trying to swallow the whole thing in one drink. It's almost eight. Too late. Too late. He places the cup down. No time for coffee. No time for anything.
He gasps for air, trying to gulp down the mouthful of coffee. His hand holds onto the edge of the kitchen island in their new two-bedroom apartment.
Seth's sitting in the corner, smile on his lips, bagel in his hands as he eats it slowly.
Ryan grins, leaning forward and gives Seth a quick kiss. Every morning for the past six months, as long as he's been working, almost as long as they've had this apartment, have been like this. Ryan always rushed, Seth taking his sweet time.
It's okay. Ryan likes the normality of it all. Stealing another kiss, Ryan turns around, two feet from the door.
"Keys."
Ryan turns around on his heels, reaching for the car keys lying in the small crystal bowl on the corner of the counter. Kirsten's gift for not losing the keys.
He nods, says, "Love you," over his shoulder and his hand grasps the doorknob.
"Blueprints?"
Ryan lets go of the knob, turns around and trots to the second bedroom turned study and picks up two sets of blueprints, the same ones he went over last night.
"Yes, thank you," he says, giving Seth a kiss on the lips.
Seth only grins. "Yeah, well, at least your boss won't yell at you."
"Thank God."
"Tell mom we'll be there on Saturday for lunch."
Ryan nods, opening the door. He smiles at Seth over his shoulder. "Love you."
"Love you too."
21.
"I want us to get married."
Seth's statement surprises Ryan. He turns around, pencil still in hand and stares at Seth lying down on the couch, book in his lap. "Hmm... what?"
"We've been together for almost six years. I want us to have an anniversary." Seth puts the book down, head tilted and looks back at Ryan. "We already have like three." He starts crossing them with his fingers. "The first time we kissed, the first time we had sex, the first we said I love you. Everything. But I want a true anniversary. I want the gifts and the flowers and stuff. I want to know this is the day we chose to stay together, forever."
Ryan smiles, tilting his head. The sentiment is beautiful. "We already have it."
Seth frowns. "Dude, no, we don't. I would have known if we did. I'm telling you--"
"We do."
"Oh, right?" The sarcasm isn't lost to Ryan. "When?"
Ryan doesn't hesitate as he turns around on his chair once again, head looking down at the papers scattered around in the kitchen table. "August 15th."
Seth thinks about it for a moment. August 15? He knows that date. He knows...
"Oh." He swallows thickly as he looks at Ryan's back.
Of course Seth knows that date. That's the day when Ryan arrived at the Cohen household. Well, the day after that. The day they actually met.
Ryan shrugs casually, he thinks about the proportion on the beam and writes down the new size. "That was the day I chose to be with you, Seth. That day... I just did."
Seth nods, his chest tight and he doesn't say anything as he stands up, book falling onto the couch. He places his arms around Ryan's chest and kisses the side of his mouth.
Seth doesn't think he could ever love Ryan anymore than he does at this moment.
22.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
Seth tilts his head, turning around to look at Ryan on the other side of the bed. "Why, are you having second thoughts? Dude, because if you are, now is the time to say it. Totally. Now, right now."
Ryan shakes his head. "Of course I want to do this, Seth, I'm just saying."
Seth lets out a soft sigh he hadn't know he'd been holding. "Dude," he says, swatting Ryan's forearm with the back of his palm, "don't do that! You scared the living crap out of me. Thought you were backing out on me, or something."
With a roll of his eyes, Ryan turns off the lamp on his side of the bed, lying down on the bed.
Seth takes his cue, doing the same and shifting so he's laying on his side, eyes staring at Ryan even through the darkness in the room.
He can't see Ryan's face, but Seth knows he's smiling.
"I want to do this," Ryan says, hand taking Seth's in his. "I really do."
"I know. Me too."
"Life as we know it will change."
Seth nods, leaning forward to kiss Ryan. "But that's okay. We can handle it."
"Yes, we can."
"Now," Seth scoots closer and rests his head on Ryan's shoulder, "sleep. We have work tomorrow. Besides, it's not like this is gonna happen over night, right?"
"No, not over night."
"Good." A small kiss. "Love you."
"Love you too."
23.
Ryan throws his head back as light explodes behind closed eyelids. He pants, boneless, head tilted to the side.
He feels Seth's breath against his cheek and smiles. Opening his eyes, he gazes at Seth.
His brows are furrowed, his eyes closed, cheeks red, sweat on his forehead.
Seth had never looked more beautiful to Ryan.
Tired, his breathing still hard and difficult even as he relaxes on the bed, his hand reaches up to touch Seth's cheek.
Blinking, Seth gazes down at Ryan for a second.
Ryan grins.
Seth bites down is lower lip, his thrusts quickening, and then closes his eyes again.
Ryan clenches his muscles and then Seth's movements become erratic. Ryan grazes Seth's upper lip as Seth comes.
Seth sighs, forehead resting on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan's arms embrace Seth as he places a kiss on Ryan's shoulder.
They murmur soft endearments and promises, and moments later they fall asleep.
24.
"Knock, knock."
Ryan looks up from the computer, AutoCad blueprints that need to be done for tomorrow not quite there yet.
Seeing the young man leaning against the threshold of his office door, basket in hand, Ryan can only smile.
"Hey, there."
Seth grins back, walking slowly to the desk. "So, you busy?"
"What do you think?"
"Your boss is a slave driver, I'm telling you. I'm sure her sons suffered the consequences in their youth."
Ryan laughs, loud and amused, with a shake of his head. "Yeah, well, you'd know about that, wouldn't you?"
"What?" Seth pushes some papers away from the corner of the desk, hopping up. "Why would I know? I don't know her. I've never met her, remember? You've never introduced us."
Ryan lifts an eyebrow. "I don't think introductions are necessary."
"Yeah, well, it's always nice--"
"Ryan, do you have the Anderson's blueprints?" Kirsten pokes her head through the door, hand holding the threshold. Her gaze shifts to her son, dark curls bobbing as he smiles at her. "Seth, what a surprise."
"Hi, mom. Thought I'd come here, get to know my partner's work place."
Kirsten nods, walking into the office. "Good. Always know the coworkers. Let people know he's taken."
"Kirsten!" Ryan says, ducking his head. Dark reddish tone takes over his cheeks.
She laughs. "Blueprints?"
"Yeah, have them right here." He clears his throat. "They'll be done for tomorrow."
"Great." She smiles, giving Seth a small kiss on his cheek. Ryan tilts his head, angling his left cheek at her and she places another one on his. "I'm gonna meet your father for lunch."
"Tell him I say hi."
"You coming home for dinner on Friday?"
Seth nods. "Yep. Bright and early. And hungry."
"Good. Take care, both of you."
Ryan watches her walk out of the office as Seth leans forward and kisses him.
"We're in my office."
Seth grins. "I know. Gotta let them know you're taken, remember?"
25.
Ryan props up his cheek on his palm, head cocked to the side as he watches Seth finish his dinner.
The conversation in the restaurant makes for a soft background, along with the music.
Ryan smiles and takes Seth's hand in his.
Seth looks up at Ryan and grins back. "Dude," he says, a soft smile on his lips.
"Yes?"
"You ate my dinner."
Ryan looks down at Seth's empty plate and he wonders where exactly the half a pound of steak went. "Seth--"
"Dude, why, oh why? You don't like well done steak. You're all about the raw meat."
"Medium."
"Whatever," Seth says with a chuckle.
Ryan shakes his head, chuckling as well.
The whole night has been quiet, personal, private. Perfect.
Them.
It's Seth who leans forward and gives Ryan a slow kiss. Ryan responds back, eyes closed, hand tightening his hold on Seth.
"I love you," Seth says in between the kiss.
"I love you too," Ryan answers as they pull away.
Nine years and all they have to do is look at each other and smile.
"Happy Anniversary."
26.
Seth stares down at the screen. The cursor blinks at him at the beginning of a new chapter.
He tilts his head, frowns and then sighs once again.
"This is not working."
"Trouble?"
Seth turns around in his chair. He places his chin on his folded hands. "Yes, well, it sucks."
Ryan smiles, looking down at the Descriptive Memory on his lap. He crosses something with a pencil, and writes down the correction on the edge of the page. "I'm sure it doesn't."
"Yeah, it does."
"Seth."
"How long have I been writing this?"
Ryan pauses, looking up. Seth started it in their second year at college, so... "Seven years?"
"No, no, dude. Seriously. Like, actually writing it."
Oh. Well, Seth started with the idea in second year at college, but wrote down the first line before graduation. "Five years, then."
"How many times have I re-written it?"
"Does Chrismukkah count?"
"No, I only deleted chapter three."
"Okay, then two."
"See?" Seth shakes his head, closing his eyes. "No progress whatsoever. I'm gonna be stuck in this publication and I'm never gonna write anything, babe, I'm telling you. Writing is not for me. I should have been a business major, not English."
Ryan smiles, pushing away the Descriptive memory as he stands up. With his finger, he lifts Seth's chin and kisses him.
Seth smiles against the kiss. "Looking to be my muse?"
"Well, am I or not?"
"Of course." Seth grins, hand reaching out to touch Ryan's cheek. Ryan leans into the touch.
A baby crying makes Ryan chuckle. "One sec."
Seth nods, watching Ryan leave the bedroom. A minute later, he walks in with their three month old daughter in his arms.
"Well," Ryan says, cradling the baby to his chest. "At least this will make a great chapter."
Seth stands up, waking to Ryan's side. He caresses the baby's cheek and she sighs softly, eyes closing slightly.
"She's just fuzzy," Ryan says, giving her a kiss on her head.
"I know. She's been like that today."
Looking down at their daughter, Seth can't help but smile. Elizabeth Lara Atwood-Cohen. The confirmation of a life together.
Seth leans forward and kisses Ryan. "I love you. I love you both."
Ryan kisses Seth back. "I love you too.
Finished: March 1st, 2005.