Devoted
by M. F. Luder
Seth bites down on his lower lip with his arms crossed over his chest as he tilts his head to get a better view.
Ryan and Marissa, in the pool house. Fighting.
That's all they do lately. Fight. They're fine one day, playing Pac-man and chuckling, and the next day Ryan's finding little bottles of Vodka in Marissa's purse or smelling alcohol on her breath and it's off to the fight again.
Not that the fights bother Seth, not really. He knows that's all they can do. That's all they know how to do.
Marissa wants to be taken care of and Ryan wants to take care of someone.
A sickening pair, but at times, they do seem to fit.
Seth hates those times.
The curtains are pulled up and Seth can see everything from his place, hiding behind the kitchen wall.
Ryan is waving his arms wildly while Marissa shakes her head.
Seth can't hear them, but he really doesn't need to. He can imagine their tones, their words.
"You're drinking again."
"So?"
"What do you mean so? You already have a DUI. You can't keep doing this."
"I'm fine. I can control it."
"Like hell you can."
"You're not my mother."
"No, I'm not. But you're gonna get yourself killed."
"And you care?"
Well, Seth thinks, maybe not. But still. Ryan walks to the kitchen island, getting Marissa's purse.
Seth takes a step to the right, to see better.
Marissa fights Ryan for the purse. It takes him a minute, but Ryan finally opens it. He gets a bottle of pills out of it.
Marissa tries to explain.
Ryan waves her off, shaking his head.
Seth wonders if this will actually be the end.
Marissa stands up straight, snatches the bottle and the purse from Ryan's grasp and walks out of the pool house.
Apparently, it is.
Seth lets out a long sigh as he watches Ryan sitting down on the bed heavily. Ryan places his hands in his hair, hiding his face from view.
Shaking his head, Seth turns around, back against the wall and thinks for a moment.
Ryan is sitting there, probably heart broken about Marissa. Seth doesn't know whether it's best for Ryan to be left alone right now or not.
He doesn't really get Ryan sometimes. Well, he gets Ryan, he just doesn't understand what ties him to Marissa.
Love? Not really, because love means caring for the other person, and Marissa seems to only care about herself.
Loyalty?
What?
Seth looks over his shoulder at Ryan, who is still sitting. Seth swallows.
Devotion?
Probably. The desire to make things better. To save Marissa.
Seth, along with his parents, is certain that Marissa doesn't need a boyfriend right now, but psychiatric evaluation. Only, Seth doesn't dare tell Ryan that.
Sighing, Seth turns around and walks out of the kitchen. He hesitates for a moment before opening the door.
"Hey."
Ryan barely looks up from the floor, gives Seth a quick glance, and then lowers his eyes to the floor once again. "Hey."
Seth doesn't say anything as he sits down on the bed by Ryan's side.
"I'm sorry."
Ryan nods.
"Really."
Seth hears a muffled "Thanks" under Ryan's breath.
"What happened?"
Ryan lets his hands fall to his lap and turns to look at Seth. "The same thing. I'm tired of this."
"I know."
"It's over."
Seth knows that much. "Oh, yeah, well, I kinda figured that out."
Ryan gives Seth a small laugh. "Yeah, well, this time it's for good."
Now, that's a surprise. "Really?"
"Yeah."
Seth nods. "Well, that's good. Mom was starting to worry."
"And Sandy, and you."
Seth glances at Ryan from the corner of his eyes. "Well, yeah, dude, of course we were. Marissa... well, she needs help."
"I know."
"And you can't help her. Not this time."
Ryan nods, but the action seems tiresome.
"You have to let her go."
"I have."
"What you need," Seth says lowly as he ducks his head, "is someone you don't have to take care of, you know? Someone independent."
Ryan snorts. "What I need is peace."
"Well, yeah, that too. But someone independent can work, too, you know? I'm pretty sure."
Frowning, Ryan stares at Seth, head tilted. One eyebrow rises slightly. "Seth?"
Seth grins, staring back at Ryan as he leans over and kisses him.
A soft kiss on Ryan's lips.
You're important to me.
A kiss on Ryan's jaw.
You matter to me.
A kiss on Ryan's cheekbone.
You don't have to take care of me.
A kiss on Ryan's eyelids.
I love you.
Another kiss on Ryan's lips.
I love you.
When Ryan kisses Seth back and whimpers under Seth's touch, under his hands, Seth grins.
Devotion doesn't have to be one sided. Devotion can be mutual. He proves it to Ryan with another kiss.
Finished: May 16th, 2004.