Eyes open
by M. F. Luder
Marissa thinks she might be going crazy. Or maybe it’s the Vodka, or the Tequila she had instead of cereal this morning, she's not sure.
Still, it has to be something. Because it's in a moment like this when she really does wonder.
She leans to the side, eyes blinking stupidly as she watches Seth and Ryan climbing out of the car and walking toward the school.
Nothing wrong with that, of course. Nothing wrong in eyeing her ex-boyfriend from time to time. Even now, weeks after the Oliver incident that cost her Ryan (because, really, how was she to know that Oliver was indeed crazy and not that Ryan was a little bit obsessive?), she likes to make sure Ryan is there.
It's like, a safety net.
Not a net, per say, but a safety net at the same time. He's someone that can take her away from her mom, from everything Newport stands for. She likes that. She adored that in him. Lately, she's realized that adoring is not enough. Adoring his Newportlessness is not enough.
Maybe that's why she's only seeing this now. Maybe. Or maybe because being slightly drunk this morning makes her look at things from a different point of view. She doesn't know.
Yet, when Ryan places his hand on Seth's lower back as they walk out the parking lot, Marissa sees something. It only lasts a moment, a second, but Marissa sees it, and she wonders.
Ryan almost slept with her. Ryan almost slept with that bimbo Caleb had for a girlfriend. And Seth... well, according to Summer, Seth has been pining after her for half his life.
However, that seems to contradict the way Seth leans toward Ryan, ducking his head slightly as he whispers something in Ryan's ear.
Marissa notices a shade of red creeping across Ryan's cheeks she has never seen before.
She nods when people pass by and greet her. She's good at this. She doesn't have to be sober to do this.
Taking another drink of a lot of Vodka with an ounce of sprite (for the bubbles), Marissa notices she's even more sociable when drunk. She likes that about herself. She's not a social drinker, she's a drinker that becomes quite social.
Marissa taps her food impatiently, waiting for Summer to arrive. There's one thing to be socially late, and another to be late. Summer's already far too late. Maybe she's hanging out with Anna. Again.
Marissa doesn't like Anna. She's trying to steal away Marissa's friend. That's not fair. Anna needs to find her own friend. Not Marissa's.
The thought seems blurred as she takes another drink, shaking her head out of the cobwebs that seem to tangle everything. Maybe some wine will clear it. Taking two long swallows of her drink, she finishes it, placing it on top of a tray as a waiter passes by.
Her eyes move over the crowd, looking for Summer who still hasn’t shown up. She groans under her breath, reaching the bar.
"Wine."
The bartender smiles at her, nodding. She smiles back. Leaning against the bar, she looks around once again. Her eyes fall on him at once.
She watches Ryan walking across the room, Seth by his side. Not that it's much of a novelty. Lately, Ryan and Seth are always together.
Weird. Summer said Seth had been hitting on her and then just kinda stopped cold turkey. Why would Seth stop cold turkey?
She waves it off as the bartender calls out for her attention, handing her a glass of wine. She smiles at him, taking a long swallow.
She stares at Ryan once again. There are chuckles. Ryan is actually chuckling. Marissa wonders when was the last time Ryan chuckled with her.
Seth shakes his head, Ryan following him and they sit at a table.
Way too far from her seat, Marissa notices. Not that she would have gone to talk to him. No. No. Getting back with him doesn't seem like a good idea at the moment. He'd get her to quit drinking, something she can't understand. Why quit drinking? Why have one glass? How can someone have only one glass?
Kirsten walks toward the table, Sandy by her side.
Now, that's a cute couple. Kirsten and Sandy. Why couldn't her parents be more like that?
Marissa shakes her head, finishing the glass and asking for a refill. The bartender looks at her funny. She doesn't care.
Kirsten kisses both boys on the cheeks before joining them at the table.
Marissa swallows the lump in her throat. The perfect family.
"Do you have something stronger?" Marissa asks over her shoulder. "Like... Vodka?"
The bartender frowns.
"Vodka."
She must have glared at him pretty awful because he nods and fills a third her glass with Vodka and then with Sprite. Dhe takes a long sip, letting out soft sigh. Now, this is something.
Sandy leans toward Kirsten, kissing her cheek as she chuckles. Weird, Marissa thinks. Kirsten chuckles very much like Seth does. She had never noticed this. Seth has Kirsten's laughter.
She frowns. Kristen's laughing, almost ducking her head. Marissa's certain she's seen Seth laughing like that before. But when?
She takes another drink of her glass when Ryan murmurs something to Seth and Seth laughs. Now, there it is. Kirsten's laughter. Seth's laughing just like Kirsten laughs with Sandy. Seth's laughing with Ryan just like Kirsten laughs with Sandy.
Marissa's pretty sure that means something.
Ryan and Seth sit together during class.
French III. Marissa hates French. She hates all things French, except France because there is no better place to shop than France.
She glances up at the ceiling, staring at the white paint and the dots where the most paint seems to have clotted, making it visible. A white dot. She smiles.
Sighing tiredly, bored and on the verge of leaving the class, she turns around and glances at Ryan. He's sitting, with Seth of course, at another table, two tables from her.
Ryan barely even looks at her as of late. He nods when they run into one another in the classroom, but that's about it. Nothing else. Marissa wonders if it'll be different at some point. They do have two more years at school.
Frowning, Marissa squints slightly, leaning forward just a tad, as she's certain she saw a piece of paper being passed from one to the other.
Uhh... now that's interesting. A piece of paper. A secret? It has to be a secret. Marissa wants to know what it could be.
Summer told her that Anna told her that it was Anna who broke up with Seth. It was Anna. Reasons? Anna wouldn't say, Summer said. Marissa doesn't believe that.
She gets out her cell phone and writes a message to Summer. You sure Anna didn't tell you why she broke up with Seth?
Marissa waits patiently for Summer to answer from History, her eyes glued to the boy's back. Ryan passes the note back. Seth reads it and chuckles. She really wants to know.
She didn't tell me Coop. What's up with you worrying about Cohen? Ew. Or is it about Ryan? I thought you were over him.
Well, she is over Ryan. And she doesn't really care about Seth. Not really. She cares about the two of them, passing pieces of paper like a couple of schoolgirls.
She tilts her head for a moment, frowning as she's certain there's something she should remember that would put two and two together. The teacher calls out for their attention and Marissa blinks, focusing on him.
Marissa remembers the information she had been wracking her pretty little head for all through the afternoon as she takes a shower before bed. She's so surprised she had forgotten that she doesn't wash her hair for the third time. Instead, she jumps out of the shower and runs to her bed.
"Summer?"
"Coop? Hey, I was just about to call you. Do you think--?"
"Summer, listen to me. This is important. Very important. Really, really important."
"Is this about Ryan? Because, Coop, I think you should stop thinking about him. He's not for you. Really, like, not good. You need to get over him."
"I'm over him."
"Really? Oh, well. Good."
"But it's not about that, okay? Listen, can you come over? I have something to tell you."
"Coop?"
"I'm fine. It's not that. This is... this is great. It's gossip."
"Uhhh... Really? What kind of gossip? Did someone get a nose job? Or go to Fat camp? Oh! I'm sure is Brenda! She has been eating a lot lately. Did you see her--?"
"No, no, no. Summer, I'm telling you, you have to come. Will you?"
"Yeah, yeah, give a minute."
Marissa leans against the school's front entrance the next morning, arms folded before her chest, smile placed on her lips.
Summer and her connected all the dots and came up with a very plausible explanation. And if that wasn't enough, Summer then called Anna dragged out the break up information.
Anna did break up with Seth. She did have a good reason. Seth had been spending time with (and apparently gazing at) Ryan far too much lately.
That was enough evidence to mean imprisonment.
Marissa's very proud of herself. She didn't even have a drink for breakfast, she was so excited.
As predicted, Seth pulls into the parking lot, Ryan sitting in the passenger seat. They walk toward the stairs, talking amicably as they do so. When Ryan places his hand on the back of Seth's hand, Marissa smirks.
They pass by her and she catches up with them.
"Hmm, Ryan? Can I have a word with you?"
Seth glares at her, pausing by Ryan's side. Uh... jealous. And paranoid. Marissa likes that in a boy.
Ryan looks at Marissa, who smiles sweetly at him, and then over at Seth. He nods. Ryan's so whipped, Marissa can barely contain the grin from forming on her lips. Seth seems to think about it once again before accepting it. It's not like she's gonna harm Seth's boy.
Seth's boy. She likes that. She definitely likes that.
"Hmm... Okay, I'll be..." Seth says, jerking his head toward the lockers. Ryan nods once again.
They'll meet by the lockers. How romantic. Marissa does grin as Seth turns around and leaves them.
"Marissa, look, I--"
"Don't worry Ryan, this is gonna be quick." She leans over, Ryan looking at her with a defensive expression. It only makes the shot sweeter. "I know about you."
Ryan blinks, confused. Even a little bit worried. She likes that.
She giggles, whispering into his ear. "Yeah, I know. About you. And Seth. I know."
Ryan narrows his eyes, but she can see something fleeting over them, almost like pain, not quite fear. Marissa bites her lower lip to keep the grin from breaking her face.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
She chuckles again. "Sure you don't, Ryan. Sure you don't." She pauses. Ryan grows desperate. She likes that. "Summer knows too. And Anna. Well, Anna did figure it out sooner, didn’t she? Or at least she had her suspicions. Spending so much time with Seth even when he was with Anna?" She makes a tutting sound with her lips. "That's not nice."
Ryan's face hardens when he realizes he can't keep lying. "Okay, Marissa, what do you want?"
She frowns. "What? What do you mean?"
"You know. Great." His eyes squint. "What do you want?"
"Nothing," she says, shrugging. "What would I want? Nothing. I just wanted to tell you."
Ryan tilts his head, eyes filled with suspicion. Paranoid too. "Nothing?"
"Of course, nothing. What did you expect?"
Ryan doesn't say anything, only looks at her for a long moment.
She nods appreciatively. "I should have seen it coming, you know? You two are way too close for it not to turn romantic." She grins. "I'm actually quite happy. You two make a cute couple."
Ryan ducks his head, his cheeks taking on a red tinge.
Marissa feels like bouncing on her heels. "Anyway, that's it. See you in class." With a pat on Ryan's shoulder, she turns around and walks to Physics' class.
There's an extra bounce in her step. Summer will kill her when she realizes Marissa told Ryan before Summer could have the pleasure of telling Seth, but still, it's worth it. Seeing Ryan's face, it's totally worth it.
She looks over her shoulder at Ryan, who's already standing by Seth's side. Seth's blinking rather stupidly. Seth can't seem to be able to form words.
Marissa smirks proudly. Good. Perfect. That'll show them. Girls can keep their eyes open too.
Finished: October 11th, 2004.