More
by M. F. Luder
Seth isn't blind. He might appear oblivious, and sometimes he really is, but he can see this. He has noticed. Seth sees the way Ryan turns away when Anna kisses his cheek as a greeting.
At first, Seth used to tell himself it was nothing, that he was probably seeing things. He didn't think Ryan would do something like that, because that would imply more, and there isn't more than friendship between them.
Then Ryan stop being interested in Marissa, and that tipped Seth of. Marissa had been Ryan's pinned up girl for as long as he had been in Newport. Seth tells himself not to plot, and not to read into it, because there is nothing. There really isn't.
But there has to be. He can't be imagining things, though it has happened before. He used to picture red and yellow spots dancing above him at night while he couldn't sleep, therefore, it wouldn't be too farfetched to say he's making things up.
He tells he himself he's not. He's certain he sees things, and have been for quite a while now, thank you very much.
He sees the way Ryan looks at him from the corner of his eyes when they have breakfast, in that way that only Ryan can. Discreetly, so very discreetly it makes Seth believe his going crazy.
How Ryan smiles when Seth makes a joke. And his jokes are always silly, and half the time just plain stupid. But Ryan smiles, and laughs, and shakes his head. Seth knows he isn't imagining this.
The way Ryan's fingers linger for only a heartbeat in Seth's hand when he passes a book. Or the sugar, or copies, or the way Ryan leans over Seth's shoulder when they use the computer together. Seth can feel Ryan's breath against his ear, and he has to bite down his lip not to shudder. Yep, not imagining that either. Nope.
There are those details, those clues, and Seth refuses to let them pass by. He won't. Not possible. No way. This time, Seth knows what he wants.
Besides, no pain, no gain, right?
And what bigger pain that being shot down by Ryan, but what sweeter achievement at the same time. Seth rolls his eyes. Stupid, stupid line, even in his mind.
He shakes his head, looking down at his book, and tells himself he's been reading for the past ten minutes, not thinking about Ryan. That he has understood everything there is to know about the French fall, and that he won't flunk the test.
A snort. Right.
He can't help but think about Ryan, and how he is convinced Ryan does want something else. Something more. Ryan just can't not want it, not with everything Seth has been counting on, not with all their past.
Seth is almost certain Ryan wants something more. And, truth be told, so does Seth. So, so much more. Seth nods idly. Yep. Much more.
The book no holder holds Seth's attention, not that it ever did. A small smile plays on Seth's lips.
There is only one way to find out.
Ryan throws his backpack onto the bed. He walks towards the minifridge and gets out a bottle of water, taking a long drink. He takes off his black shirt and stays only on the wifebeaters.
It's only four in the afternoon, but Ryan knows he should get started on his homework. It feels like it's pilling up. He's got History, and Philosophy, Physics, Biology...
Ryan sighs. He has to start now, if he ever wants to finish it. Considering lately, his attention span has been close to zero. Not that it's his fault, not really. Not with Seth sitting there, head tilted and curls all soft. Not with brown eyes so very inviting, and an innocence in them that just seemed to capture Ryan's attention from the first look he laid upon Seth. Not with that smile, those lips, that just begs to be kissed.
Ryan shakes his head. Great. Now he can't even focus about staying focus.
He rolls his eyes. He's starting to think like Seth. He can't help but smile at the name. He groans, sitting on the bed. He hides his face in his hands. He really is losing his mind, isn't he?
Shaking his head, trying to get rid of the cobwebs tangling his already fuzzy brain, Ryan reaches for his backpack.
Something catches his eye. There's a small pink post-it on his pillow.
Frowning, Ryan picks it up.
There is only you.
He swallows, and his chest feels tight all of a sudden. He blinks. He must be reading wrong, or this is a joke. An awful, horrible joke. Not that it's possible; Ryan can be stealth when he wants to know. Because no one knows about his... fixation on Seth. No one.
No one. But here it is, in plain black ink. He reads it again. It doesn't make sense, though at the same time it just seems to fit rightly. He recognizes the handwriting.
But that can't be right either, because then...
Someone coughs behind him, and Ryan turns around.
Seth's standing by the threshold, head tilted, smiling nervously. "Hey."
Ryan blinks again. Huh? His throat is dry.
Seth jerks his head towards Ryan's hand and the pink post-it on his fingers.
"You?" Ryan's voice almost breaks at the word.
Seth nods.
Another blink, and Seth is still standing there. Ryan's chest is tight.
"Hmmm..."
"How--?"
"It's true," Seth says, lowly, and Ryan barely hears him. Seth clears his throat. "Hmm... really. There is only you."
It sounds different coming from Seth's lips, brown eyes sincere, and Ryan nods. Seth smiles, closing the space between them, and he kisses Ryan.
Closing his eyes, Ryan kisses him back. Ryan never imagined it could be like this; this right, this perfect. His hands move to Seth's waist, and Seth places his arms around Ryan's neck. Ryan sighs into the kiss.
When they pull away, Seth caresses Ryan's cheek, and Ryan smiles, leaning into the touch.
Seth's certain there is nothing more than this.
Finished: April 30th, 2004. 11.10pm