Never as it seems
by M. F. Luder
Ryan notices the little clues. He sees the way Seth touches Anna when they walk toward one class.
Ryan just purses his lips into a thin line. It gets easier after the tenth time.
He knows Seth likes Anna, he knows Seth's is waiting for the right opportunity to ask her out and make it official.
He likes Anna too, he really does. He just hopes he doesn't end up hating her.
Then, days later, when Seth leans over as they are studying for History in the living room and touches Anna's hair with the tips of his fingers, Ryan tell himself that's cool too.
Seth can touch Anna. He can reach out and touch her hair, run his fingers through the blond locks. That's cool.
It wouldn't be cool, for example, if it were Ryan who leaned over and touched Seth's brown curls like he wants.
Ryan turns around, eyes falling onto the book that really doesn't make sense and closes his hand into a fist.
He can do this. He can deal with this. He can. He can sit here and pretend nothing is going on while he waits for Seth to start kissing Anna, because, really, it's cool.
It's cool. It can't not be cool.
He waits a minute, then two, and when there comes no sound, Ryan looks up.
Seth's writing some dates on a piece of paper as a reminder while Anna is going through the pages of a book, looking for something in particular.
He frowns. He had been certain Seth was going to kiss her. He shrugs inwardly, convinced it'll happen anyway.
A month goes by, then two.
They reach summer and Anna has to go back to the Pittsburgh to visit her grandparents.
Ryan doesn't sleep the night before Anna leaves. Seth has taken her out to a restaurant. Nothing fancy, not really, but he has taken her out.
Ryan can't sleep. He tells himself that the fact that he's lying down in bed, eyes closed because he refuses to see Seth returning home with a smile on his face, has nothing to do with his feelings for Seth.
He shakes his head. Pointless to stay in bed, Ryan stands up and walks out of the pool house. He leans against the wall, staring at the moon reflecting into the pool.
Two minutes later Seth's light is on and Ryan's teeth clench.
He won't go in there and ask what happened. Ryan knows what happened. A kiss, a hug, a promise of a relationship when she returns.
Ryan tells himself he's not grimacing as he returns to his bed.
The next morning, he pretends nothing happened. He pretends he didn't stay awake until five thirty on the bed, trying to close his eyes but only seeing Seth and Anna kissing on her front step. He didn't stay awake until Kirsten came back down to the kitchen and turned on the light because that'd be very childish of him.
They play games until noon and Ryan's hands are so stiff that he loses game after game so badly that Seth sighs and places the controller down.
Apparently, Ryan's no longer a challenge for him.
"Dude, what's wrong? I know you're bad at this, but, dude, you truly suck today."
Ryan snorts. No shit.
"I'm just..."
"What's wrong?"
Ryan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. Better get it out of his system.
"So, what happened last night?"
Seth frowns, tilting his head, endearingly unaware of how cute he looks like and Ryan groans inwardly. He's such an idiot.
"What? What do you mean?"
Ryan waves towards the front door. "You know, with you and Anna."
Seth seems to think for a moment, then shrugs. "Nothing. I told her I'd miss her."
A snort. Of course he will. "Cool."
"You okay?"
"Yeah." A pause, then a shake of his head. "Are you gonna call her?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Ryan nods. "'K."
"I know." But Seth isn't that easily dissuaded. "Dude, are you sure you're okay?"
In for a penny...
"Are you two together now?"
Seth blinks, confused and then ducks his head. "Why?"
Ryan shrugs. He pretends he doesn't care, and he does it so well. "Figured you'd get together one of these days."
Seth shakes his head and Ryan frowns. "Nah, not really. We kinda talk about it, but she knew it wouldn't work."
One eyebrow rises. "Why?"
"Well, hmmm... Dude, I don't know."
Ryan doesn't buy it. "Why?"
"I don't know. Anna is cool, but, no. No thanks."
He lifts one eyebrow. "I don't buy that."
Seth groans, shaking his head. "Ryan, please, I'm telling you. It's better like this. We're just friends. We're great friends."
Ryan has the distinctive feeling Seth isn't talking about Anna. "Seth--"
Seth continues, not caring about the warning in Ryan's tone. "Dude, really. Trust me on this one. It works better like this. We're..."
"Friends, I know." He pauses, squinting his eyes. "You aren't talking about Anna."
Seth closes his eyes and starts shaking his head again, more nervously. "Really..."
"Seth?"
Seth sighs, his head hanging low, and in barely a whisper, "It's you."
Ryan doesn't catch the words for a moment, and then he goes through them again in his mind. He's certain he didn't hear right. But Seth's blushing, and his head is hanging low, eyes closed.
Ryan had to have heard right. "Me?"
Seth nods, sulkily. Says nothing.
Ryan swallows. "Me?"
Seth whimpers. Another nod.
The corners of his lips turn upward. "So, me?"
Something in Ryan's tone must have tipped Seth off because a second later he's looking up. Seth's frowning but when his gaze lands on Ryan's smile, Seth can't help but blink in confusing.
"Rya--"
Ryan leans over and kisses Seth. He lets out a long sigh, teeth catching Seth's lower lip, biting slightly. He lingers, tasting Seth, enjoying every second of it. He wonders why he never did this before.
Pulling away, Ryan smirks at Seth's dazzled look. So maybe he had been reading the clues all wrong.
Seth's confused look, muzzled hair and glossy eyes.
He likes these clues better.
Finished: July, 26th.