Silently
by M. F. Luder
There are many things Ryan remembers, and will always remember.
Some of them are dark, and sad, and Ryan would rather let them go of his memory. But things aren't so easy, and Ryan knows they'll come back to the surface in the most importunate times. He'll deal with them when he has to.
Some are different, and Ryan likes those better.
There's the first time he every lay his eyes on Seth, sitting down in the living room, controller in his hand. It hadn't taken anything more than two words to conquer Ryan's trust.
"Do you want to play?"
The open nature of the young rich boy had endeared him to Ryan forever.
Some memories had been carved into Ryan's skin, like Kirsten's smile when she had told him they wanted to be his guardians. Her smile, and Sandy's wide gin, had marked a change in his life. No more trouble, no more fights.
There are others that have taken place in his heart, making room for many more Ryan knows will come.
Their first kiss is certainly one of them, sweet and tender and all the more perfect.
It was a Thursday night when they sat at the edge of the pool, talking. Seth had been trying to convince Ryan to read a particularly dark episode of Batman while Ryan could only roll his eyes.
One minute Ryan was chuckling, and the next, Seth's lips were over his, pressings lightly, tentatively, and Ryan could only sigh into the kiss.
Ryan smiles at the memory.
Then, there are the others that followed, all centered around Seth, and Seth's ability to make him smile, to make him chuckle, and to make him duck his head in embarrassment.
There's something about that boy that Ryan can't really pinpoint, but loves. There's something that makes him give in to Seth's requests, as wild and crazy as they might be. It makes Ryan smile, and shake his head, and just follow Seth alone.
Like the way Seth never seemed embarrassed, or ashamed, of taking Ryan's hand in front of Sandy and Kirsten, or anyone else for that matter. Seth just leans over and kisses Ryan tenderly on the lips, in front of Julie, or Caleb even, no worries in his mind.
Ryan still blushes, and swallows tickly when one or two of Kirsten's friends stare at him. He's not ashamed either, but he's not as blunt and blatant as Seth either. Ryan prefers the kisses in the dark, in their rooms, in their privacy. Not in front of the members of Newport society.
But Seth likes doing that, so Ryan lets him.
Marissa tends to chuckle when Seth does that, or when Ryan blushes for that matter. Summer only shakes her head, rolling her eyes, mumbling something along the lines of "Cohen, stop deflowering your boyfriend for a moment".
Ryan never knew Seth had such bravery, or cared so little about what everybody else said. And Ryan didn't know he'd care about not making a fool of himself in front of Sandy's partners while Seth only waves it off, and kisses him again.
Some of them Ryan doesn't remember entirely, like when Seth fell asleep over his shoulder for the first time. He remembers bits and part, leaning back onto the bed and letting Seth sleep on his chest. His mind seems fog around that particular time, and Ryan blames it on the extra homework they had that year.
There's a kiss on his neck and Ryan chuckles, bringing him out of his reverie. He blinks down at the book he's supposed to be reading and doesn't even remember where he left off.
He cocks his head to his side on instinct, and then there's Seth's hand on his hip. His fingers move under the shirt, touching tender flesh and it makes him gasp. They move from his waist to his stomach, and Seth's hand pauses.
Ryan turns his head to the left, giving Seth better access, and then there's a chuckle from Seth's throat. Ryan rolls his eyes. So, yeah, he's easy.
Seth moves to Ryan's side, kissing the collarbone.
The fingers start moving again, over to his shirt, and start unbuttoning.
Ryan groans under his breath. He feels Seth smiling through the kisses.
"I love you," Seth whispers as he touches the hollow of Ryan's throat.
Ryan whimpers.
Seth grins, and keeps on kissing.
Ryan's eyes close at their own accord.
There's a throat clearing and Ryan opens his eyes in surprise. Seth takes a step back and lets Ryan stand up.
They turn around to see Sandy standing by the door, shaking his head.
"Sorry," Seth mumbles under his breath, head ducking.
Sandy laughs, shaking his head. He turns around, only calling over his shoulder. "Lunch, boys."
Ryan looks up at Seth, and the younger boy bursts up laughing.
"It's not funny," Ryan says, but Seth can't stop laughing, wiping away the tears on his eyes.
Ryan starts buttoning his shirt again, swallowing thickly, and walks to the bathroom. He throws some water on his face. "This is your fault!"
Seth shrugs nonchalantly, walking out of the pool house, taking Ryan's hand in his. "It's okay."
"It's not okay. I'm telling you Seth, one day they are gonna tell us one of us has to move out."
Seth snorts. "Dude, you're so wrong. Dad enjoys this."
"What? Catching us?"
"Sure. It's his mission in life to make me as embarrassed as possible." He shrugs. "Only you seem to be a better target than me, so we're cool."
Ryan rolls his eyes. "I hate you."
"Yean, I love you too."
Later that afternoon, after he's successfully finished reading the fall of the Rome Empire, Ryan sits on the living room, watching TV.
Seth's supposed to be on his room, doing his own homework, but Ryan hears the boy's steps as he walks down the staircase.
"Your homework?"
Three seconds later, Seth appears by the doorway. He shrugs. "Done."
"Don't believe you."
"Dude, you think I'd lie to you? You, my boyfriend, the person I love most in the world?"
"First, you only love me after Robin, Superman and Wonder woman. And second, yeah, you would." Ryan grins. "If that means we get to make out."
Seth ponders this for a moment, before shrugging and flopping down on the couch besides Ryan. "Lets do something."
"Like what?"
Seth turns around to stare at the TV for a moment before checking out his watch.
Ryan watches Seth grin, then gaze at him. Ryan lifts an eyebrow. "Seth?"
He stands up, stretching his hand. "Come with me."
"Where?"
"What? Don't you trust me?"
"Of course I trust you, it's your ideas I don't trust."
Seth mumbles something under his breath that Ryan doesn't really catch before giving up and letting Seth pull him out of the living room and towards the front door.
"Seth?"
"Dude, don't you worry."
Ryan rolls his eyes. "Easy for you to say."
They take the Range Rover, Seth driving, not saying a word.
Ryan isn't very surprise when they reach the harbor.
They walk down the car and start walking down the dock, hand in hand. It's a little over five pm on a Saturday. They don't say much, just walking.
Ryan likes this times the best, when they don't need words, and just enjoy being in each other's company. It's at these times that Ryan realizes just how much he loves Seth.
The sun starts setting over the ocean, and Ryan smiles. He likes sunsets over the ocean, because, somehow, it reminds him of Seth.
They walk towards the banister at the edge, and lean forward. The street lamps on either side of the harbor turn on, shimmering brightly over the people passing by.
The sky changes color by the minute, from rich blue to reds and oranges. There are purples Ryan didn't know existed, and yellows so bright, Ryan can't help but smile.
Seth places his arm around Ryan's waist, pulling Ryan closer to his chest. Ryan leans back, head resting on Seth's shoulder.
Leaning over, Seth places a kiss on Ryan's head. Ryan lets out a soft sigh.
The sun falls over the water, turning clear blue into shades of gray, and Seth stands behind Ryan. Ryan lets his hand go from the banister and folds his arms over his chest. Seth places his hands over Ryan's own, intertwining their fingers.
They stand there, silently, watching the last rays of sun cast shadows over the ocean and themselves.
Ryan notices this memory will stand out over the rest.
Finished: April 25th, 2004. 9.30pm