Taking over
by M. F. Luder
Life can change in a minute. You can make a bad choice, be caught by the police, face bars and actually believe you'll be stuck here. And then, luck will smile at you, and you will have an attorney.
An attorney who actually gives a damn.
An attorney who wants to help you.
You're mom can kick you out, and your friends can turn their backs on you. You can sit on a bench, your bike by your side, and worry if you'll have a roof over your head tonight.
And then, once again, luck will smile.
You remember the business card and you figure, what the hell, and you call. An hour later, a black sedan will pull up in front of you, the guy with a nod, put your bike on his trunk and life changes all around you.
It takes you days to get it together, and you still feel awful about the things you've done. You burned down a house, and you got Seth into trouble. Seth, the only boy who doesn't look at you like you should be serving him. Seth, the boy who is your friend.
Your friend. That's weird in a way that surprises you. He doesn't want anything from you. He doesn't want you to lend him money, or connect him with a dealer, or tell him where to get the good coke.
No, he only wants you, by his side. You still don't understand that.
Finally, you have a home. You have clothes that fit you, money in your pocket and something to do with your future. You start thinking about finishing school. You start considering college.
Kirsten and Sandy tell you it's a fact, you'll go to college and they will sit through your graduation, no matter what.
You're glad they have that much faith in you. You have no idea what you did to deserve this. Because, really, you stole a chocolate bar when you were eight. You started smoking by the age of twelve, and you've enjoyed a good shot of Tequila since you were fourteen. You slept with Theresa, Karen, Sandra, and Lindsey in between fourteen and sixteen.
A good person is something that doesn't define you.
But it defines Seth, and he still looks up to you. You can't tell him it's the other way around. You can't tell him you want to be like him. You wish to have that innocence. That love. That passion. You can't. You won't, because you fear he might lose that, and then what will you have? How could you look at him, if you changed him?
How could you love him, if you change him?
So you don't. You just look at him from afar, and you touch his shoulder, and shake your head and smile when he needs you to.
You're my rock, he tells you. You're my strength, he whispers one night.
"You're mine," you whisper back.
You hung you head, because you can't be strong for him and blush at the same time. You can't be strong and feel your heart tight because of how much you actually love him. You don't want him to know you aren't strong, not without him, not when it hurts this much to love him.
But he seems to get it. He's strong for the both of you. He's so strong, and so brave, he's the one that leans over and kisses you.
He takes over your heart, and your mind, and fills both with him. You can only think of him. You can only feel him.
Your life, yourself, are conquered by him. You don't know how you could survive otherwise. You don't know how you could survive alone.
"You don't have to," he mutters against your ear.
He holds you. He caresses you. He loves you. "I'm here."
You believe him.
"I love you."
You believe that too. You let him own you, because you can't do anything against it. You don't want to do anything against it. You're his.
"I'm yours," you tell him.
He smiles, and your heart fills even more. It fills of him all over again. "I'm yours, too."
His words enthrall you, and you kiss him. Your life, as you knew it, has had the last change.
At least, not as drastically as it has so far. You will go to college, with him. You will graduate, and he will stand by your side. You will work in the Newport Group, and he will tell you he's writing his book even as he takes a job as an editor for a publisher.
You adopt a girl when you're twenty-eight, and she becomes the light of the both of you.
And at night, when you both lay down in bed together, you realize you're life has been complete since you met him.
Finished: June 6th, 2004.