Two seconds
by M. F. Luder
Seth sits on his bed, hands clenched tightly, thumbs circling one another.
Are you sure about this?
Yeah.
Ryan--
I have to.
He shakes his head, the words seeming to disappear into thin air, though Seth can almost see the residuals of the conversation lingering in his mind.
Are you sure about this?
His mother's voice. Worried, concerned. Pleading.
He had been standing already in his bedroom because his throat felt dry. He walked down to the kitchen only to see the light still on, his mom and Ryan talking quietly. He had seen Ryan nod after his mother's question.
I have to.
His throat tightened in a second. Eight months. It had been eight months since Ryan had come to their home, had become one of the family and now... now he had to leave? Why? Had Dawn called? Did Trey need something? Or maybe it was Ryan's father?
Seth shook his head. It couldn't be that. His dad was doing time; a long time, though Seth didn't know more about the subject. Then?
When?
His mother couldn't have opposed, and at the end, she had only asked the question that threatened to spill from Seth's very own lips.
Tomorrow.
Seth's hands shake, and he closes them into fists. He stands up in one quick motion, going over to the window. The pool house light is still on.
He had tried to stay with Ryan for as long as possible, but at midnight Ryan had sent Seth to bed, claiming they both needed to sleep. Seth had tried to get something out of Ryan, anything, all through the day. He wanted to know. No, no, make that, he needed to know.
Seth swallows thickly, one hand touching the glass, wondering how in the world Ryan could leave and not tell him. Him, who had been the one to get him the tickets to Austin, Texas. He was the one who covered for Ryan, who helped him out the last time. Why wouldn't Ryan trust him this time?
Droplets of water start falling, crashing against the glass pane, and Seth snorts. The one time it rains in Newport, it has to be tonight. He breathes out slowly as the rain picks up, and Seth wonders when the last time it rained this hard was. His heart starts beating faster.
Any minute now, the light will go off, and then Ryan will walk out...
Seth shakes his head. Maybe he heard wrong. Maybe they were talking about something else.
Maybe...
Only that's not a possibility, as the light in the pool house does go out, and then Ryan does come out, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt.
Ryan doesn't have a backpack, or his old leather jacket, and Seth squints at the figure. No, Ryan wouldn't take any clothes with him, probably. His old ones were thrown away, and Ryan has a thing about not taking anything from anyone. Seth watches him walk down the side entrance.
Seth's throat tightens. He can't let this happen. He turns around, running out of his room and down the stairs. He throws open the kitchen door, and when he steps onto the backyard, he pauses.
The rain is coming down harder than before and as he starts running after Ryan once again, he feels the water soaking his clothes. He slows down his step, worried he might slip and fall down on his ass and not even get close to Ryan. It takes Seth a moment, but he can see Ryan, on the sidewalk, about to turn left. Seth runs faster.
"Ryan! Ryan!" Seth isn't surprised when Ryan doesn't hear him, he can barely hear himself. "Ryan!"
Finally, Ryan turns around, head tilted. Seth lets out a long sigh. At least he's stopped.
"Ryan!" He runs down the driveway, panting. He stops, twenty feet in front of Ryan, because his lungs have stopped working. He bends down, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.
"Seth? What..." Ryan sighs. "What are you doing here?"
Seth lifts one hand, hoping Ryan would give him two seconds to catch his breath. Just two seconds.
Ryan sighs. "Seth, please, go back--"
"Don't go."
"What?"
Seth swallows, straightening. He takes a step closer. "Please, just... don't go."
"Seth--"
"No, don't go." Seth closes his eyes for a moment, telling himself he's shuddering because of the unexpected rain. It has nothing to do with Ryan leaving, or Seth feeling drained, lifeless, without him.
"It's not--"
Seth shakes his head. "Just let me say this..." He lets out a shaky breath, chuckling as he does so. "God... I love you."
Ryan cocks his head slightly to the left, gazing at intensely. "What?"
"I love you. Yeah, I know it's crazy, and you're about to leave and forget all about me, about mom and dad, and I have no idea why you’re doing this, I really don't, but you can't. Ryan, dude, please, you can't leave. I love you, and even if you don't... well, then, yeah, I'm making a fool of myself, but the thing is, you can't leave." Seth takes a long breath. "You can't."
"Seth, I--" Ryan chuckles. "You think I'm leaving?"
Seth frowns. "Hmm, yeah, of course. You are, aren't you? I mean, I heard you talking with mom last night. You said... you said you had to leave, that you had to... Well, I have no idea what you had to do, but you said--"
"I never said I was leaving Seth." Ryan snorts, shaking his head. "And you aren't suppose supposed to eavesdrop on private conversations, you know?"
"I wasn't eavesdropping! I came down for a glass of water and you were there and..."
"I'm not leaving."
"Then where are you going? It's past midnight and I really have no idea where you could possibly be going at this time of the day-- night."
Ryan smiles, amused. "I'm going down to the beach."
"Huh?"
Another chuckle. "I was... I was thinking about learning how to sail."
"But you don't sail."
Ryan rolls his eyes. "I know that I don't. But I thought maybe..." He shrugs. "If we are actually taking that boat trip to Tahiti this summer, then I've gotta learn."
"I can teach you." Seth frowns. "I told you I could teach you."
"Yeah, but I wanted to learn a few things first." Ryan ducks his head, suddenly embarrassed. It had seemed liked a good idea at the time. "One of Summer's friends is waiting for me down at the pier."
"At midnight?"
Ryan snorts. "You weren't supposed to know, and when else am I not with you? I told Kirsten, but she didn't like the idea of sailing this late. It's only for an hour, but she didn't like it."
Seth swallows thickly, looking down at his soaked shoes. He sighs. Great. And here he thought... And he said...
Oh, God. Oh, dear, sweet Lord.
He's so screwed. "Well, hmmm... that's nice. That's really great. Yeah, cool. So, I think I'll leave you to your lesson then. I gotta... it's late and..."
Seth turns around, and for a moment wonders if Ryan is actually going to let him go with his dignity intact.
"Seth?"
So not likely.
Seth sighs, pausing. His shoulders slump. What an idiot he was, running like that, after Ryan... in the middle of the night. He shudders, feeling his wet clothes clinging to his body for the first time.
Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he lets out a long sigh. The hand moves lower, down his arm... over his forearm... and it takes Seth's hand in his. Looking over his shoulder, Seth sees Ryan smiling.
Ryan's stands before Seth, and his other hand starts rubbing against Seth's right arm. "You're shaking."
"I'm freezing."
Ryan chuckles. "It's raining, you idiot. And you're only in your pajamas."
Seth looks down at his blue sweats and white t-shirt. "Hmm, yeah."
Ryan takes a step closer, looking into Seth's brown eyes. He tilts his head slightly. Seth feels his breath quickening. Ryan smiles, and before Seth can do or say anything else, Ryan leans over and kisses him.
Seth swallows, and after the shock has passed, he starts kissing Ryan back. The kiss is sweet, and wet, and slippery, but he doesn't mind. His hands move to Ryan's waist, while he feels Ryan's hand tangling in his hair.
He smiles, eyes closed, and enjoys the moment as they stand in his parents' driveway, dripping wet, shuddering. They press against each other, and the trembling dissipates.
Years later, Seth will always smile, take Ryan's hand and kiss him as they watch the rain fall against the windows. Ryan will chuckle, duck his head, and kiss him back.
Rainy nights make both boys smile.
Finished: June 7th, 2004.